Destruction of the Desert Table

“Up next is Kevin Park with Meditation by Jules Massenet ”.

 Mother Trucker. Holly Fudge Sticks. Why do I always do this to myself? Alice,you wanted to do something out of the box, but this is like out of the box.This is way out of the box.  

Silently having a major meltdown, I paced left and right of the waiting room and absent mindedly  knocked into the desert table,which knocked down the pyramid of small cups. Shaking myself out of my trance, I watched in horror as the glass flew into the punch bowl, splashing punch everywhere and the spoon flying out, which then lead to a lady who stepped on it and slipped prompting her to pulling down on the table to try her to stop her fall, but failed because she pulled down the table cloth with her and obviously  the deserts too making a huge mess of the place. Jaws dropped and eyes widened, I stood there because I could not believe that I caused that. Feeling the intense piercing gaze of the strangers in the room, I gave them an apologetic smile and rushed to the girls restroom. Bursting into the restroom, I find the first open stall and slam the door shut.

The moment I stepped in I began to mutter incoherently. “ Alice, are you crazy. My gosh, I knew you were clumsy, but this is on a whole level, new level. I must have gone mad because I know that you know that you have just embarrassed yourself to land yourself into the headlines of the newspaper, with the title” Crazy Asian Girl knocks over cups causing the destruction of the desert table”. I can see it; the headline coming. Slouching down on the floor, I pinch my cheeks really hard to make sure that this is not some kind of nightmare because if it is, I want to wake up ASAP.

What am I going to do? I literally have a performance to give in a couple of minutes and I have just embarrassed myself in front of everyone. Maybe it is not too late to back up, run home, change into my comfy bear pj,open a tub of ice cream and watch Vampire Diaries. That sounds very tempting. 

“What are you doing?” I feel my subconscious talking. “You have worked too hard to quit now. I do not remember you being a quitter. Is this how you are, you are just going quit because you had a little mess up” Little would be an understatement because that little incident has made my fingers all tingly and stiff. “ Absolutely not, I will not let you quit. I  will make you so guilty that if you do quit then I will make sure that you regret it. Watching the Vampire Diaries will be torture with that quiting in mind”. 

Sighing in frustration, I pulled at my hair. I hate how my subconscious is always right. Why do I even have one? I swear sometimes it's my mind that makes me do all the crazy stuff that I do. Okay Alice, you have worked hard for this. Do what you normally do, which is go out there and give it your all. Once that is over you can reward yourself with a day of binging The Vampire Diaries and Lucifer while eating as much junk food as you possibly can. Feeling inspired and pumped up, I  pull MYself up and head to the sink to wash my hands and go find the lady and apologize to her. Walking up to her timidly, I tap on her shoulder and when she turns around, her expression says it all.

“You crazy stupid  little girl “ Wow, she must be fuming. I understand that I do deserve her harsh comment, but she has not even let me apologize. “How dare you show your face after the little stunt you pulled”. Did she think I purposely knocked into the desert table and let everything fall apart on purpose, news flash I did not. I literally have major anxiety before playing in front of people and she dares accuse me. “ Look here, I came because  I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier, I didn't mean to do that to you so please stop thinking that I wanted this to happen.”Trying to be as sincere as possible, I hope that she accepts my apology. “I  hope you fail as compensation for my embarrassment” she spat out.

The audacity of her to say that. Here I am, being a responsible young adult trying to do the right thing and she is being unreasonable. I mean, I could have not apologized but I did. People these days are so rude, I swear. Making my way to the bench outside, I slump on to it and try to collect my thoughts as I wait for my turn. Breathe in and out and everything will be okay. I will be okay, hopefully, fingers crossed. Taking in my surroundings, I see red, blue, grey, and other mundane colored cars. It feels quite peaceful, which is kind of odd considering that I may or maynot make a fool out of myself on the stage. Sitting in peace, I thought for a minute and realized that the lady back in the waiting area or more specifically the lady I made slip and drag the desert table down was a judge. A silent, deadly bomb goes off in my head because I realized that I really messed up and there was nothing I could do about it. Smiling to myself, I let out a laugh because today was not something I imagined it to be. Great, I can feel my jitters coming back in full force; my legs are as heavy as lead, fingers have gone jiggly, and I want to vomit my breakfast onto the plush carpet. Yay and the worst part is that the announcer called my name. Great timing, why does the universe have to do this to me. Dragging my leg in front of one another I make my way to the stage where I can see the black grand piano and feel the intensity of the yellow lights that will shine on me in a few minutes. Bunching my hands in a fist, breathing heavily, I slapped myself really hard. “You got this, show that rude, stuck up lady what you got”. 

“Presenting Alice Kim playing Viola Sonatina by Rebecca Clark”.