Self Reflection

A girl sat on her bed, staring at her reflection in a white full body mirror. Her black hair hid her face. Sunlight seeped into the room from her window. The girl looked miserable, she hugged a pillow, and rocked back and forth.  She is lost inside of her own head, wishing that the memories didn’t hurt so much. 

One month ago:

She is at her locker, contemplating what books to bring to her next class.  A steady stream of high schoolers walk past her.  Someone taps her on the shoulder. She turns around. A boy is standing there. 

“Oh!” The girl exclaims, “Oliver, we’re still on for tonight right? I found a great new restaurant that we could-” 

The boy interrupts her. “Emily” 

“Yeah?” 

“I think we should break up.” He states flatly. “This isn’t working out.” 

The girl looked at him with shock, eyes brimming with tears. Perhaps a smidge of anger too. 

“Not working out?! We’ve been dating for three years!” 

The boy looked at her and spoke brusquely.

 “You’re not fun any more.” 

He handed back something, and the girl took it and clenched it in her fist.

 “So- that’s it?” 

“Yep.” 

He moved to walk off, and the girl spoke. 

“Fine. Have a nice life.” 

She threw the thing she had been holding onto the floor. It was a beaded glass bracelet, with a matching one around her wrist.The boy looked at her with no regret in his eyes, perhaps a little distaste, and walked away. 

When no one was looking, the girl quickly picked up the bracelet and stuffed it into her pocket. Emily ran to the nurse’s office and told her that she had a stomach ache. She sat on the cot and waited for her mom to pick her up. Tears silently trickled down her face. 

Next week, she spotted Oliver kissing some blonde-haired girl by his locker. 

The bracelet was now outside her bedroom window, thrown out in a moment of rage. 

Two weeks ago:

She is outside, sitting on the porch. A beagle rested its head on her legs. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them the dog is standing in front of her with a ball in its mouth. She smiles, and throws the ball for the dog. It runs, fur ruffling in the wind. Then, time slows down as it collapses in the field. The girl runs to the dog, hoping it had just tripped. Its breathing is labored, and the girl runs back to her house, the dog cradled in her arms. She bursts into the house, and her parents understand immediately. They race to the animal hospital, she holds the dog tight in the backseat. White jackets and stethoscopes and diagnoses and sickness that is seldom cured. They return with the dog, and a bottle of pills that hold their last shred of hope. 

At 1 am they drive back to the hospital. Tears and forms and more tears. They return home and fall asleep crying.

The dog's blue collar is sitting on her desk.

The girl looked at her phone, twenty messages left unread. She tried texting her best friend one more time. 

Hey

Hi

Why haven’t you been answering

any of my texts? 

Why didn’t you

tell me? 

What?

Don’t act dumb.

What are you talking about?

You didn’t tell me 

Liz’s secret.. 

I made a promise. Did she tell u?

Yea. I can’t believe you, 

so you like her better 

then me?  

No!

Well you should have told me. 

Wait!

C 

Charlotte

Please

Just listen to me

C?

I’m sorry

Really

Goodbye Em. 

⭐Charlotte⭐ has blocked you

Emily proceeded to cry on her bedroom floor for the next two hours. 

She held a picture in her hand; she remembers the day it was taken. They were at the beach, in swimsuits and holding slices of watermelon. They looked so happy there, Emily and Charlotte. Them against the world. Where did that go? She wondered. How has my life changed so much to the point of no return?

“This is all my fault.” She looked at her mirror.

 “Everything.” 

“If- if I had just been a better girlfriend- a better dog owner- a better friend, none of this would have happened. I would have still been dating Oliver, my dog wouldn’t be dead, and I would still have a best friend.”

She reached her hand out, and touched her reflection. 

To her surprise, her reflection glared at her and crossed her arms. 

 Its voice was soft but firm as it spoke.

“It’s not your fault you know.” 

“AHHH WHAT THE HECK.”

She jumped away from the mirror and grabbed the closest thing to defend herself, which turned out to be a stuffed penguin she had lovingly named Penguiny. 

The mirror looked affronted. 

“I’m hallucinating aren’t I?”

“I-”

“Oh don’t mind me I’m just talking to my reflection here, totally sane person carry on.” 

Her reflection shook her head.

“Where’d I even get this mirror anyways? Is someone recording this?”  

She remembers finding the mirror last summer, at a small thrift store. It was the summer of  2021, and she had been bored out of her skull. So, she decided to take a walk outside to get away from everyone. She walked out the door, walking wherever the wind took her. After what felt like ages, finally she found herself at a tiny thrift store. Faded letters in paint that were too old to read. A flickering open sign. A thick layer of dust. She had stepped inside, wondering if she could find some cool vintage clothes. A bell attached to the door rang out, the chimes slowly fading into silence. 

She looked around, and a full length mirror caught her eye. Intricate patterns carved in wood and painted white. Maybe it was her imagination, but her reflection seemed to smile a little more than she was. 

She had returned home to borrow her little sister's red wagon, and once again stood at the shop's counter. 

 “Hello?” She asked, “Is anyone there?”  She even pressed the little bell they have for customer service. Nothing. “What the heck,” she muttered, “why is your open sign on then? Why is your door unlocked?” 

Well, she really wanted the mirror. Would it count as robbery if I left money? She wondered, and fished out a twenty from her pocket and placed it down on the counter. 

` “Listen to me, will you? You're not hallucinating, and you’re not being recorded. I just need you to get out of this wallowing pit of despair. “

The voice snapped Emily out of the past. 

“You’re blaming yourself too much.”

She shook her head.  “No, It’s all my fault.”

Emily in the mirror sighed, “Oliver has been wanting to date someone else for ages. He just made up an excuse. Your beagle was old, but he had a very good life. There was nothing else you could have done. Your best friend- your best friend didn’t want to look at it from your perspective. She knew that it wasn’t your fault. She’ll come around soon.” 

“Really?”

The reflection smiled. “Really.”

“Oh- ok..”

“Thank you…”

Emily felt tears rushing down her face, but these were tears of relief and acceptance.. 

“Now, you should wake up.” 

Emily opened her eyes, to the sound of a new message on her phone. It was Charlotte. She- was apologizing for everything. She promised that she would be a better friend, and that she understood she had been too harsh. 

For the first time in two months, Emily smiled.