Bear

Bear

By Bobbi Jo Domitrovich

I don’t know what made me walk into that shelter that day.  It was as if something was drawing me there.  Don’t get me wrong, I had been wanting a dog but knew it was not the right time for me to do so.  I was silently suffering inside an abusive marriage but wanted something to love so desperately.  Or maybe I wanted something to love me so desperately.  I don’t know which.  As I walked through the door, I heard myself asking the staff about the puppies up for adoption and they quickly led me in their direction.  I didn’t have a specific breed in mind.  I just wanted to save an innocent soul from a possible life of torment.

My heart broke as I walked past cage after cage with these sad faces staring back at me and that’s when I came across a very skinny, dirty little puppy sitting all alone.  His fur was matted into dirty clumps and he looked unproportioned with small ears and long legs.  He was one of five but all of his brothers and sisters had been adopted.  He was bigger than what I needed and some sort of mix breed but I didn’t care.  And with the saddest eyes, he wagged his tail when I spoke to him.  That’s when I stopped and put my hand on those cold steel bars.  His eyes were a mirror of mine.  I smiled to the world but behind my smile was a deep sadness.  There was no way I was going to leave him.  I had to save him and that I did.  As I put him in my truck, I said…”God, what am I going to do with this sweet baby?”  I named him Bear and together we would figure it out.  

Every day brought me closer on the verge of a breakdown and trying to keep it all together took so much of my time and energy. It only added to my anxiety for putting him in the middle of my storm.  I came home from work one night to find all of the doors locked with no way to get in.  I had been locked out of the house and my house keys and garage door opener had been taken from my purse.  My only thought was to get to Bear and as I ran around the house to the basement window, I could see him convulsing on the basement floor.  I quickly wrapped my jacket around my hand and slammed my fist through the glass shattering the window into tiny small fragments.  This gave me enough room to squeeze through the window onto a plastic storage container and down into the basement.  When I realized what had happened, I was furious. My husband had let him out of his cage to run free alone in the house and had put rat poison out for him to find. In a panic, I scooped him into my arms and as I ran to my truck, I promised Bear that if he made it through this I would leave my husband and no one would ever hurt him again.  

I spent the night praying and when the vet came out to tell me Bear would recover, I cried.  God had heard me and I would keep my promise.  Bear was a fighter and he gave me the strength to leave my abusive marriage.  As I backed out onto that country road the following morning with a bag of clothes, some money, and my sweet puppy, I touched Bear’s face and told him no one would ever hurt him again.  

Every day was a struggle and the nights were even worse but sometimes a quiet drive would help.  Bear loved to go bye byes but on this particular night I needed to be totally alone.  All I could think about was ending my life and the freedom and peace it would bring me. It was 11:30 pm and with only myself on the road, I let myself feel free of the burdens, the hurt, the resentment, the rage and as if someone else was taking over, the car slowly started to accelerate reaching speeds of over 90 miles an hour.  Then as quick as a slap in the face, Bear’s face flooded my thoughts and I hit the break.  What was I thinking?  Who would take care of him if I weren’t around anymore?  I had taken him from a shelter only to be mistreated and then to be left again!  What was I thinking?  I turned that vehicle around and drove straight home.  He was waiting for me at the door with those eyes that were now happy and I hugged him as I cried.  

As I shut the light off and he lay in his favorite spot on the bed next to me, I thanked him for being there for me.  Bear had no idea how much he meant to me.  I was renting a one-bedroom apartment and made him a promise that I would get him a house with a yard and I would fence it in so he could run and play.  He was growing like a weed and he needed to stretch those long legs.   

Bear turned one and we celebrated at our new house in our new yard with our new fence.  I made him a cake and everyone brought presents.  His face would light up when he saw his favorite people.  He loved presents and he loved Christmas too. Those eyes that were once sad were no more and would shine bright just like the Christmas tree.  His favorite thing to do would be to lay next to me and wait for the empty roll of wrapping paper so he could take off running through the house with it and tear it to pieces.  His contentment brought me a feeling of peace and his protective nature made me feel safe.

Bear helped me heal and he helped me find love again.  He knew when I was sad and would look at me across the room, stop what he was doing, walk up to me and give me a big lick across the face.  I knew that whoever I brought into my life had to love him as much as I did and be ok with my love and devotion for this precious animal.  Not only was I looking for someone to share my life with but I was looking for someone who shared the same compassion for animals as I did.  When Thomas came into my life and started talking about his “Lady”, a lovely Brittany Spaniel, I knew I had found someone who knew what unconditional love meant.

On September 20, 2014, we lost our sweet Bear at 14 years old to cancer.  I held his face in my hands and as he slowly closed his eyes for the last time, I told him I loved him.  He was my protector, my joy, my light and now my guardian angel.  On December 24, 2014 at 12:00 am, I awoke to what I thought was his bark and I knew he had come to me on his favorite holiday to let me know he was ok.  The security cameras showed a white light in the area where his bed use to lay.  I had once thought that I had saved him but it was he who had saved me.