Jelly Down

“Truth never really comes to light, you know what I'm sayin'? It's like it just sits there in the dark until maybe eventually the light comes to it but even then it’s like not enough. All we get is like a fragment illuminated by like a narrow spotlight coming from like a weak flashlight. We can never see the whole truth anyway because the light always like distorts things and illuminates them only from like one side, you know what I mean? And you know what the worst thing is? Most people can’t even like hold a flashlight properly or whatever…”

“Aw, for God’s sake, Chris! Would you shut up! I’m trying to concentrate here!”

Elaine’s fuse was short. It was Friday night, her third day on the road stuck in the old Subaru with three dudes, at least one of whom really enjoyed listening to himself talk.

“Come on, Elaine! Let the man unload his deepities! He’s from California. He surfs on his surf board and he’s an enormous stoner!”, said Dylan pretend-sucking on his thumb and index finger which earned him a juicy punch in the arm from Chris.

"Ouch!"

“It’s still better than radio around here, I guess...”, Elaine pointed out, “Nothing but tractor ads and sermons! And what do those preachers need an echo for anyway? To make themselves sound more legit? They are in a recording studio for crying out loud!”

“They’re probably using some kinda audio distortion device…”, Dylan speculated.

“Well, I guess these Jesus radio stations are the biggest and most successful commercial of all. It’s all about the sales pitch!”, Ray chimed in, barely aware of what was just being discussed.

“Speaking of Jesus…", said Dylan, "Jesus! Nothing but corn fields around here!”

“We better find that house soon!"

“It should be around here somewhere…”, Elaine slowed down in case the exit pops up suddenly. It was getting dark.

***

Norman walked down his squeaky staircase and entered the kitchen. He was happy to be at his old vacation home off season. He enjoyed his own company which may have been a contributing factor to his being a life long bachelor, or maybe it was the other way around…

He turned on the radio to hear the morning sermon from father Rob.

Only through the Lord we find the light of truth. Without him we shall be forever steeped in the darkness of lies! We shall live our lives in purity for our Lord sees us all. And the dead walk among us and they see all of our actions, good and bad, and they shall vouch for us when the judgement comes...

Artificially enhanced voice of Father Rob boomed from the speakers.

“Amen”, Norman whispered towards the radio and glimpsed at the window.

An old Subaru Outback was just pulling into his driveway.

"What the..."

He switched everything off and rushed out of the kitchen.

***

“Here we are!”, said Elaine.

“Are you sure the house is like totally empty or whatever?”, Chris asked.

“Are you kidding? Look at it! It’s overgrown with weeds and that truck hasn’t been driven for years. It’s a chipmunk nest at this point if you ask me!”

“Who’s house is it anyway?”

“Some old geezer has been using it as a vacation spot. It should be totally safe!”.

“All right, Ray! It’s all you, baby!”, said Dylan.

“Where is that damn paper clip!”, Ray reached into his pockets.

“I think it’s unlocked!” Elaine noticed.

Ray pressed on the latch.

“Presto!”

“I guess there is no need for like locking up when your house is in the middle of like the Corn Nation. So cool!”, Chris observed.

“Unless, of course, you take some rando squatters using your house as a vacation getaway into account!”, said Dylan.

All four of them laughed as they entered the hallway.

***

Norman locked himself up quietly in an old study in the attic. There was a landline in the kitchen but the nearest police station was just about forever away and it was too late to call since the intruders already entered. He thought it would be best to stay quiet and see what unfolds. If they are burglars, they will realize there is not much to take and will soon be on their merry way. They could take the radio at the most but that’s just about all there is worth taking. Besides, kids today don't really need an old radio from the 80's, do they?

He waited but they wouldn’t leave.

***

“This is nice!”, Chris spread himself on the sofa like soft butter over a hot toast.

“Stop goofing around, man! Help us unpack!"
, said Dylan.

“Just leave it! We can unpack in the morning or whatever..."

“Dibs on the bedroom upstairs!”, Elaine announced.

“I’m fine couch surfing!”, said Chris and winked at Dylan, “After all I am like a surfer or whatever!”

Ray was quiet.

“Man, I’m beat! Let’s go to sleep. There will be fun to be had tomorrow, no?”, said Dylan.

“Sweet dreams everyone!”, Elaine said through a yawn.

“What if the house is like haunted!”, Chris joked.

“Oh, shut up, man!”

***

There was a folding cot in the study. Norman found a blanket and a small pillow. He was trying to listen to what the young intruders were saying. He needed to know what their intentions were. From what he could tell by now, they were just a bunch of benign clueless kids looking for a free getaway home for the spring break. He read about squatters using rich people’s vacation homes that would otherwise sit empty for large chunks of the year. There is so much wasted space in this country!

He felt calm enough to fall asleep but instead he found an old box of white chalk and rubbed some of it on his face...

***

The intruders must have been asleep by now. Norman went down the staircase trying his best to avoid awakening the most squeaky floor boards.

He made it to the kitchen, switched the radio on and turned the dial to white noise.

***

Chris heard a strange hissing sound coming from the kitchen. “Shit! What is that! Guys! Hey guys! Can you hear that?”

Ray came by from the other room. Dylan and Elaine descended from their respective bedrooms upstairs. They were annoyed as hell.

“It’s coming from the kitchen”, said Dylan.

They inched slowly towards it. It was dark except for the faint light coming from the radio dial.

“Is it your idea of a joke, Chris?”, Elaine said.

“I didn’t turn it on, I swear!”

***

“I think it’s working”, Norman thought. He was now hiding in a hallway closet. He flipped the light switch on and off a few times like that crazy British artist he saw on the news once.

***

“What was that!”, said Ray. It was not typical of him to get so startled.

“I thought I saw flashing light in the hallway!”

The four of them gasped.

“Guys! We better get outa here pronto!”, said Chris.

They huddled together like a flock of frightened lambs and started backing away slowly towards the exit door.

***

“Time for a great culmination”, Norman thought with glee. He appeared in front of the squatters with his white chalk covered face to give them a final scare but... they seemed to completely ignore him as if they didn’t see him at all! He raised his arms up like a cartoon ghost. "Boo!"

NOTHING!

They just walked out of the door, got in their car and drove away! Norman remembered watching “Sixth Sense” but even though he was very religious, he could tell a movie fiction from reality apart.

He pinched himself.

“Ouch!”

Could there be other things that would help him confirm his ghosthood or the lack thereof?

“I know! If I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to eat!”

He grabbed a jar of pickles and bit into one of them. He pured himself a glass of Jack Daniels.

"All systems intact! OK then! Nothing to worry about! The kids were probably experiencing some strange fear induced blindness”.

He went to bed and slept until late morning.

…

Norman walked down the squeaky staircase and entered the kitchen. He turned on the radio. Morning news was on.

Four tourists died in a car crash Friday morning near Kaneville, IL. The students were driving through the area while on their spring break vacation. Their Subaru collided with a telephone pole. Most likely cause of the accident was fatigue of the Subaru driver, 22 y/o Elaine Schmidt.

“Friday morning?”

Norman dropped his toast on the floor. It landed jelly down.