Just Checking Up! Part Eleven: The Truth of a Shattered Heart!

Silks:

Sally Sue yanked me into one of her classic mother bear hugs, her ivory wool sweater smelling of her usual scent of vanilla. Stepping out of her needed embrace, a proud grin spread cheek to cheek at my bump. Flitting her gaze between my wedding band and Rip, her palms pressed together. Spinning around, the six inches I had on her allowed me to catch her petite form. Helping her to her feet, her wrinkles deepened with a sweeter smile.

“This meal is on me, a wedding gift to top them all!” She announced loud enough to attract the attention of the regulars. “Did you hear me, fellows and ladies? Our favorite Silks brought a husband and a baby is on the way. How about we welcome them the good old fashion way!” Shouting hello, Rip waved back shyly. Fixing her golden blonde Marilyn Monroe inspired bob, her ocean blue eyes swam with tears. Smacking her bright red lips to fix her lipstick, her simple sixties’ style makeup made her look adorable. Cheering while toasting their cups of coffee, Rip relaxed visibly at how happy people were for me. Crashing into the back booth, Rip snaked his arms around my bump. Rubbing it to ground himself, his life did fall apart mere hours ago. Truth shattered his heart, today’s activity’s hopefully helping out. Snuggling into his embrace, Sally bounced over with a couple of menus. Her jolly words went in one ear and out the other, my attention lingering on his shifting expressions. Excusing herself to give us a spot of privacy, his menu remained unopened. Shoot, not good.

“Wo-” Silencing me before I could ask, his head shook. Fuming while stacking the jams in the cheap red containers next to us, that reaction was earned. Shooting me a sarcastic smirk, the booth squeaked as he rose to his feet. Mumbling something while walking out the front door, the rumble of an engine and squealing brakes shattered my core. Sally rushed over, a pair of truck keys bouncing off of her palms.

“The police station isn’t too far from here.” She whispered in an understanding tone into my ears, her hand massaging the back of my hand. “Go get him and bring him by for dinner. We close around eight, dear. Maybe there are too many people here.” Thanking her with a bear hug, emotions threatened to burst from the newly repaired dam. Limping out of the diner, her lovely mint green Sixties’ truck waited for me. Unlocking my way to Rip, a heave onto the peeling leather matching bench. Jamming the key into the lock, the engine rumbled to life. Squealing onto the cracked pavement, nothing could stop my thumbs from tapping incessantly. Speeding towards the police station, a hearse confirmed my worst fears. Squealing into the closest parking spot, the engine died down. Locking it on the way out, an abrupt slam prevented me from going numb. Moving as fast as my good leg would allow me, a screaming Rip was arguing with his mother.

“What fuck were you thinking with raising me while pulling all that bullshit behind our backs!” He roared thunderously, wild weeps wracking his body. “Monsters are better than you. The monster under my bed could have brought me up better! At least that wasn’t real, damn it!” Laughing in his face, her maniacal Cheshire Cat grin broke him down further. Sauntering up to the bars, her slender fingers snatched his chin.

“Don’t care. Never did! You were nothing but a mask to my master plan. Get that through your thick skull!” She gloated sickly, her grin somehow growing wider. “Wouldn’t have gotten caught if your wife wasn’t a freaking genius who can memorize the smallest damn details! Fuck for me meeting the wrong person! It’s all your f-” Marching in between them, the lack of police proved to be more annoying than alarming.

“Whose fault is it?” I inquired icily, her eyes meeting mine in that classic death glare. “Let’s keep one thing straight as shit! You committed the crimes and are about to do the time. Back the hell off from what you torched.” Cocking her brow, a new level of sinister glowed in her eyes. Picking up on a sharp instrument in her fingers, Rip yanked me back. Narrowly missing my heart, every breath shortened. Landing on his ass, his arms catching me. Mouthing the words watch me, popping noises turned her into Swiss cheese. Splashing into a puddle of ruby, her weapon clattered a few inches from her twitching fingers. Filing that into the trauma to be dealt with later, his emotions were to be dealt with first.

“What the fuck!” He sobbed violently, his hands shaking uncontrollably. “Why are you here, damn it! Get away from me! Give me space, Silks!” Climbing off of him, a numbness washed over me. A broken okay tumbled off of my lips, realization dawned on his features. Putting my hands in the air, his words cut deeper than my father’s. Limping away without a word, raw fury and sympathy failed to mix together.

“Come to me when you don’t need any more space.” I uttered calmly, a busted apology exploding from his lips. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. Find me wherever. The problem is dead anyway.” Adding bite to the last sentence, the truck felt lonely. Assuring my safety with my click, tires squealed as I peeled back towards the lighthouse. Parking in the furthest parking spot, the engine died down. Undoing the only thing restraining me, a push of a button shut down my cell phone. Despising my last statement, tourists of all kinds dotting the rocks of Nubble Lighthouse’s rocks provided the distraction I needed. Staring numbly at the red roof of the home, a long sigh drew from my quivering lips. Here I was, running away like the idiot I was. Waves crashed onto the rocks, my fingers digging into my neck. Scratching away at my anxiety, uncontrollable sobs wracked my body. Ruby fingernails disappointed me, a feel of both sides of my neck revealing fresh angry claw marks. Of course I had dealt damage to myself. Fighting a new panic attack, a few napkins prevented me from staining the seat. Hopping out of the truck, locking it behind me did little to wake me out of a downward spiral. Hoisting myself into the truck bed, chilly ocean air nipped at my exposed skin. Shivering away, not one blanket was to be discovered. Bringing my good knee to my chest, despair joined in the chat. The Swiss cheese version of Rip’s mother popped up in front of me, her Cheshire Cat grin sinking me deeper into a darker place.

“What the hell do you want!” I hissed discreetly, her fingers dancing along her oozing holes. “Mistakes brought you to that point. Come now, even a brainless idiot could see that bullshit.” Plopping down wetly across from me, ruby pooled toward me. Too broken to care, this hallucination wasn’t unusual for any style of trauma.

“Seems you got me killed.” She gloated with that damn widening grin, a ribbon of ruby cascading from the corner of her lips. “Mission accomplished, eh? Killing mothers is sort of your thing, isn’t it? Nice to see that I was the cause of your first big fight. Hooray for me!” Clapping her hands together, ruby splattered onto my face. Clearing my throat, cocking my brow destroyed her good mood.

“Says a serial killer of children. Trust me when I say that there is a special place in Hell for you.” I shot back defensively, my hands reaching for my neck. “Sticks, real nice touch. Time for you to leave me in peace.” Smacking my cheeks, any evidence of her faded to nothing. Sounds of tourists irked me, seagulls joining in the process of annoying me further. Curling into a ball, rough slumber stole me away.

Standing in the library of my mind, doors spun around me. Stopping at the red door, harsh thoughts blocked me from opening that one. A matching hand to mine gripped my shoulder, an inky eyed version of me spun me around to face them. Kicking open the door, a shove had me tumbling into that lonely night in that first town. Shifting into my sixteen year old self, fresh scars covered my hands. Purple covered my cheeks, the current town finding a way to run me out. Walking down the barren road, honks preceded a milkshake onto my one red and plaid shirt dress. Flipping them off, a squeak sent me sprinting into a sea of pine trees. Must my temper fail me at the worst of times, shot guns cocking in the distance. Horror rounded my eyes, my trembling hands failing to pull my messed up hair into a bun. Cool strands clung to my cheeks, branches crunching underneath every footfall deeper into the woods. Tripping over a rusty bear trap, a roll saved my ankle from getting shattered into a million pieces. Crawling behind a rock, an angry throb confirmed my worst fear.

“Come now, chatting with us would be wicked pissah.” A deep voice spoke, the Maine accent sending chills up my spine. “Criminals like you don’t belong in our town. Welcome to my neck of the woods.” Dried colored leaves crunched around me, the color draining from my cheeks. Struggling to get up, every breath began to shorten at every failure. Punching my thigh in pure frustration, silent tears stained two squares of black on my dress. Catching another bear trap, a pathetic kick slid it closer to me. Throwing leaves onto it, their voices echoing everywhere but nowhere sent me deeper into a full blown anxiety attack. Clutching my chest, rapid heartbeats beat like drums in my chest. Stepping square onto my trap, a steady stream of curse words exploded into the starry sky. A different pop shut him up, his boys working fast to free him. An older version of Marilyn Monroe with ocean blue eyes rushed up to my side, her sweater and jeans hugging her petite body.

“Are you okay?” She inquired kindly, her friendly smile disarming me despite the rifle hanging off of her shoulders. “Shame those boys can’t see past what you had to do. How about you come back to my place to get cleaned up? Maybe you work at the diner to get back on your feet? Heck, how about you live with me for a hot minute?” Stammering nervously, something about that friendly smile told me that no wouldn’t be accepted. Mumbling out a dejected okay, her calling out my name ripped me out of the memory.

Sitting up with a jerk, Sally waved at me from the other side of the truck bed. Stars twinkled in the navy sky, red lines in her eyes spoke of tears. Wiping away the last of them, her hand felt the back of my forehead. Fretting over me, sixteen year old me would be yelling for her to back off. Leaping into her arms, that fuzzy bear hug pleased us both. Resting on our haunches, our special bond had strengthened.

“Don’t shoot the messenger but Rip wanted me to drive you back to an apology date. Can I accompany you so emotions can be discussed, sweetie?” She offered sincerely, her palms waiting for her keys. “Heck, I can’t wait to tote you around like the good old days.” Knowing she meant the couple of Autumn months I worked for her, she reminded me of what it was like to be a kid. Flipping out of the bed, a spin prevented a rough landing. Waiting patiently by the passenger side, another click let me in. Hopping in, gentle concern had her tracking my every move. Averting my gaze while assuring my safety, shame dimmed my eyes.

“Boy, does this remind me of that day.” She sang cheerfully, her palms clasping together. “Like it or not, he saw his mother get gunned down in front of him. That last thing you said to him wasn’t nice. At all. That poor guy stumbled into my diner looking for you and instead got a therapy session from me. From our little chat, I can officially say that bub is a keeper.” Sighing deeply for the millionth time, those darn words didn’t need to be said. Wet eyes met mine, a shadow of my smile returning. Words of approval from her mouth meant everything to me, my heart skipping a beat.

“Whether he meant it or not, those words woke up a PTSD reaction. Finding a therapist is hard enough without them wanting to make me the next big book. All I want to do is fix this mess of mind racing away, and no one seems to be able to help.” I confessed openly, her head nodding in confirmation. “That is the truth of a shattered heart, at least this shattered heart. Running away again felt so wrong. God, I am a fuck up and I will always be.” Violent sobs wracked my body, her hand cupping mine. Rubbing her thumb against the back of my hand like she used to, part of me missed staying at her place.

“I love you, Sally Sue. You know, like the grandmother I never had.” I choked out through sniffles, her features brightening visibly. “Sorry for never saying it out loud. Being a brat is kind of my thing, isn’t it?” Ruffling my hair, a youthful energy slowed down my regret. Asking about the latest gossip, the engine rumbled to life. Glowing while divulging the latest tea, a few add-ins kept her mood up. Dropping me off at the rental, her finger popped up. Placing a container with a heavenly scent into my open palms, chocolate and peanut butter had my cravings waking up in the best way.

“Figured that you might crave my peanut butter pie. Come by for breakfast or whatever meal and then don’t forget my cookout before you go.” She chirped jovially, her palm grazing my cheek. “Go on and win your prince back over. Good luck, Silks!” Kissing my forehead like usual, a special coziness lingered from it. Climbing out, a slow limp brought me to the front door of the place. Waving as she pulled away, the worn wooden door swung open before I could attempt to struggle with the damn knob. Falling into Rip’s arms, feverish kisses covered my face. Stepping back with our treat, his maroon medieval style suit stole away any frustration with him. Noticing a pillow fort, everything came together. Touched by the action, our medieval wordplay led to a fortress after all.

“The queen would like to inhabit her fortress. Perhaps, my dear king could sweep me away.” I teased playfully, my fingers dancing up his chest. Sweeping me off my feet, a few twirls brought into the fairy light riddled paradise. Laying me down on the comforter, a black crown shimmered in his fingers. Crowning me with a shadow of his smile, his lips hovered over mine. Setting the piece of the pie to the side, his hand slid down to my bump.

“Sorry for losing it on you. Chaos and loss really got to me.” He apologized profusely, his tears splashing onto my face. Kissing his mixed emotions away, the way his hair fell made him look that much more vulnerable. Embracing me with intense desperation, fat tears soaked my shoulders. Wondering what her funeral plans were, his puffy face met mine as if he read my mind.

“No funeral problems for me. Her sister is taking charge, and I got uninvited to the funeral.” He stammered numbly, relief returning to his tone. “Hell would have to freeze over before I show up. How about you? Shoot, you must be hungry.” Sinking onto his haunches, he presented me with a lobster roll. Hoisting myself into a sitting position, a slight lemon scent deepened my cravings. Accepting it graciously, his arms tugged me onto his lap. Plucking his own from an ice filled styrofoam cooler, each other’s presence being all we needed. Eating our dinner, the darn thing didn’t stand a chance with my current appetite. Placing our containers back into the cooler, his lips brushed against the nape of neck. Seeming to be back in a good place, his harsh words didn’t sting as much.

“Don’t worry about your outburst. We all lose it sometimes.” I comforted him lovingly, his lips hovering over mine. “How many times has anxiety swallowed me alive? Are we allowed to sleep here or not?” Scoffing at my late response to his apology, hearty laughter bouncing off the walls of his fort made it worth it. Plucking the peanut butter pie from the area by his feet, a clean fork glinted in between his fingers. Happy to be by his side, life could throw what it wanted at us.

“Next time I do that, please be mad at me.” He pleaded sweetly, a single nod appeasing him. “Shall we finish the evening on a perfect note?” Shouting out a hell yeah, life returned to his eyes. Praying to the one in charge, don’t fuck up what I have going on. Then again, how could I expect you to listen?