Darryl's Birthday Present

Darryl’s Birthday Present

Felix Johnson casually walked down one aisle after another in the Dollar Store looking for the perfect gift. It was his nephew Darryl’s ninth birthday and the present had to be special.  

But, it was more complicated then that.  

Darryl was Linda’s boy. Felix was a successful writer, something his sister had aspired and strived to become, but had only tasted misery and failure. This created tension between the two siblings - they only had each other.

“It isn’t the boy’s fault that his mother is my personal brand of itching powder,” he told his current girlfriend Mindy Cooper.

Linda and Felix didn’t talk much, but she had called him about a week before Darryl’s birthday.

“Darryl’s been having a really hard time at school.  We really need to get out of this town. Do you think you can make it to his birthday party?”

“I’ll be there.”

Ever since he had been a little boy, Darryl had loved his uncle’s stories that he wrote especially for his nephew.

He had exhausted almost all of the toy aisles and then saw it. The water gun was dark green and was sitting with the paper plates and cups looking completely out of place. 

He looked up and smiled.

His nephew expected a toy AND a story, which, of course, had to be connected.

He picked up the water gun and quickly paid for it. Felix raced home and started to write.

The party was in two hours.

Darryl’s Story

Once, there was a boy who was running down a lonely country road. The youth wasn’t moving along for exercise, he was trying to outdistance the bullies.

“You can’t run forever, Mitchell.”

Darryl Mitchell was sweating bullets and for a second he thought he was going to pass out.

“You run like a girl, Mitchell.”

He shot them the finger.

Somewhere a dog barked and he turned around losing focus. Suddenly, the deep ravine swallowed him up.  It was a real bumpy ride bouncing off boulders and trees. There would be scrapes and bruises and cuts.

Darryl Mitchell sat at the bottom of the ravine trapped. It was going to take a lot of effort to get out of there, but he was in no hurry considering what was facing him on the other side.

Bugs Carson was the leader of the bullies. He was an ugly, homely boy with a huge chip on his shoulder. He wasn’t very tall, but there was something commanding about his actions and words. At least, his three sidekicks thought so.

Jax Dixon, was thick and heavy set, with a low brow and mean eyes. He had long hair and meat sticks for fists. His punches hurt (Darryl could attest to this because they had connected with almost every part of his body over the years of torture).  

Clyde Sutter was a mean-spirited boy who was the tallest of them all, with long stringy hair and the eyes of coyote that darted back and forth. He always looked unclean.

Vince Peters rounded out the group. He was tall, but not as tall as Clyde. He was thick, but not as thick as Jax. He wasn’t as homely as Bugs, but was never going to be a matinee idol. Of the four of them, he probably had the darkest heart because of a nasty reputation that was well-earned.

“Mitchell, you little sissy assed runt do you think you can hide from us?”

The others chortled.

“He could climb the other side.”

Bugs nodded his head and Jax ran down the dirt lane, crossed the bridge and moved to the other side.

“Come out you chicken.”

“He’s a turkey, chicken’s aren’t that ugly.” Clyde yukked it up and Bugs laughed for a second then stopped. Clyde’s stupid grin disappeared quickly.

“If you don’t come out of there then we’re going down to get you.”

“Yeah, Mitchell, so you had better get up.”

Darryl was in an impossible situation.

“Kiss my butt, you ugly rats.”

“He’s dead.”

“Your mother is so ugly that she could melt the polar caps.” 

Everyone laughed and Vince nodded his head.

“Good one,” Bugs smiled at his friend.

“Your mother is so ugly that she has termites in her teeth.” Jax laughed but was the only one laughing and shut up quickly.

“You’re so lame, Dixon no wonder you can’t get a girlfriend.” Darryl smiled.

“I’m gonna kill you punk.”

Bugs paced back and forth. He looked over at Jax and the latter peered over the edge and shrugged his shoulders.

He motioned that it was very deep.

Bugs understood.  

Suddenly, a car came around and the four of them appeared like choir boys. It was Darryl’s mother.

“Hello, boys, how are you today?”

“We are fine, Mrs. Mitchell. How are you?” Bugs smiled graciously.

“Have you seen, Darryl?”

“No, ma’am, why do you ask?”

“Because he has to go to his violin lesson and is late.”

Clyde broke up at the thought of violin lessons.

“I’m sorry, is there something funny?”

Bugs shot him a look.

“Don’t mind him he laughs at everything.”

“If you see Darryl, can you tell him that his mother is looking for him?”

“Oh, we will tell him for sure, Mrs. Mitchell.”

“Absolutely, you can count on us.”

“Thank you. You boys are so courteous. You should spend more time with Darryl.”

Bugs and the rest of the punch out gang burst out laughing.

“That is an excellent idea. We will take your offer up on that wonderful invitation.”

“That sounds delightful boys.”

And she left.

Darryl could not hear one word of the conversation but knew something had happened because they had quit hassling him.

“That doll is so stupid that she makes a twig look like a genius.”

They all yukked it up.  

“Okay, if dipstick doesn’t want to come out and get his face punched in then we will have to go down there and get him.”

“I dunno, Bugs, it is really steep.”

“I know that, moron. This is why were going to use a rope.”

They all nodded their head like it was a good idea.

“Clyde, don’t just stand there go and get a rope.”

The boy moved like he had been shot.

“What are we going to do while we wait?”

“Torture the victim,” Bugs looked at Jax.

“Okay, how are we going to do that?”

“By throwing whatever we can find down there.”

“Cool,” said the boys.

They started to throw clumps of dirt and stones some of them hitting Darryl. They found empty tin cans and hurled them. Jax found the carcass of a dead animal and it went flying over the edge nearly landing in the trapped one’s lap.  

He screamed and they laughed.

“Where is that dunce with that rope?”

They continued to throw stuff down there.

“Cut it out, assholes.”

“Shut up, Mitchell. Your mother stopped by and showed us her tits.”

“Yeah and took her pants off for us.”

“Go to hell. My mother would never do that.”

“Yeah it was a regular peep show.”

“Your mother has some real healthy jugs.”

“You guys are dead when I get out of here.”

Bugs and the other laughed hard.

Finally, Clyde returned with the rope.

“It’s about time,” protested Bugs.

Clyde was drenched in sweat and just shook his head.

“I had to run-

“Spare me the excuses,” said Bugs harshly.

“Jax get over here.”

“Who’s going down in the hole?”

“Vince, because he’s the lightest of the four of us.”

“Okay, but what do I do when I get there?”

“Easy, beat up el nerd and then we pull both of you up and beat the crap out of him some more.”

“Okay.”

“We’re coming to get you, loser?” Clyde smiled.

“Shut up, dingus.”

They secured Vince and started to lower him over the edge.

Darryl was panicking. He saw the bottom of Vince’s Keds and knew that it was now or never. He looked around for a weapon, any weapon. He saw the tip of something sticking out of the muck and attempted to grab it.

“Ouch!”

“What’s he moaning about, I haven’t even hit him yet?”

Darryl plucked the object out of the mud; it was a gun, a dark unnatural green. It was also glowing.

He wiped off the caked mud quickly and flashed it around. Vince’s legs were over the edge and he looked down.

“I’m gonna punch your lights out, dumb ass.”

Darryl looked for a trigger and found one. He pointed at a boulder thinking it would shoot out bullets. But instead there was a flash of light and just like that the boulder disappeared.

Darryl looked at the gun and smiled. He pointed it at a tin can and pulled the trigger. Once again there was a flash of light and the tin can evaporated.

“Cool!”

“How can you say cool when you are going to get your ass kicked?”

“You are such a loser, Peters.”

“What did you call me runt?”

“Loser, stupid, idiot, butt-ugly, smelly, dork-

Vince was almost down to the ground.

Darryl had the gun hidden behind his back.

“You are like such a moron. I mean a rock is smarter than you are. I have met skunks that smell better than you.”

“Okay, I’m down.” He shouted to the others.

“Beat him good, Vince.” Bugs and the others laughed.

He turned around.

“What did you call me you pathetic, snot-nosed-

Darryl pulled out the gun.

Vince made a face.

“What is that thing?”

“You know, Peters you really irk me. I mean of all the morons on this planet and in this two-bit town, you are like the one that I just wish would disappear. Did I say disappear?”

He pulled the trigger and Vince Peters was gone.

Darryl laughed hard and rocked back and forth.

“Are you kicking his ass yet?”

“You’re going to have to Bug-eyes. I just kicked the crap out of him. I made his face disappear.”

“Okay, that’s it. Pull, up the rope and let me down there. Vince can you hear me?”

“He can’t hear you he’s too busy crying over the beating I gave him.”

“Mitchell you’re so dead your mother better be making your funeral arrangements.”

“Hey, bugs, I hear your mother is a total whore.”

“Nobody rags my mother.”

Bugs was completely enraged.

“I hear she is so ugly that could melt the sun just by looking at it.

They lowered him down quickly.

“Faster.”

He landed with a thud and got out of the rope quickly.

“Hey, where’s Vince?”

“I sent him packing like this.”

Darryl pulled the trigger and Bugs disappeared.

The boy laughed hard and long.

“Hey, Bugs don’t kill him we want our turn.”

“Yeah, we want our turn.”

“He’s been down there for a long time.”

“Yeah, because he’s really beating him up good.”

“Yeah.”

There was a tug on the rope.

“Bugs wants up.”

So Clyde and Jax pulled on the rope and Darryl managed to get to the top of the ravine.

“Hey, what happened to Bugs?”

“He went for a long walk like this.”

Darryl pulled the trigger and made Clyde disappear.

But before he could make Jax vanish, the later knocked the gun from his hand.  

“What did you do to my friends?”

The gun just sat there and both boys hesitated for a second and then they both jumped for it. Jax was a much stronger and tougher kid then Darryl. 

They reached it at about the same time and started to tussle.  

Jax kneed Darryl in the stomach and this was usually enough for the boy to give up.  

But, not this time.

He kicked back and Jax laughed.

“You are such a girl.”

They both had their hands on the gun.

“It’s mine,” screamed Darryl.

“Too bad, loser, it’s mine now.”

Jax pushed Darryl away and pulled the gun on him.

“Okay, what is this thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“I just found it.”

Jax had it pointed at Darryl who was terrified.

“That’s not a real answer.”

“Now that Bugs is gone, I guess you’re the toughest kid around.”

Jax smiled but did not ease his grip on the gun.

“Yeah, that’s me, the toughest kid in town. You’re still the wimpiest kid in town.”

“You’re right.”

A car could be heard down the road. Jax lowered the gun. Darryl grabbed it and at the same time pushed the enemy down the ravine. 

Darryl started walking back to town.  

It was a couple of hours later and the boy had eliminated every bully that lived there and everyone that had ever made fun of him and his mother. He simply knocked on doors and zapped them.

He got rid of the entire police force. He never liked Sheriff Dopson anyway. He got rid of all of the school teachers and Principal Jackson who had watched Bugs punch him on more than one occasion and did nothing about it.

“Darryl James Mitchell, you give me that gun right now.”

He turned around and sighed.

“Hello, mother.”

“What do you think you are doing?”

“Getting some revenge.”

“Darryl-

“Mom everyone is done laughing at us in this town. I have the equalizer.”

“Give it to me right now,” said his mother.

“Sorry, mom, I can’t do that.”

“Young man, if you don’t give me that object right now you are going to be grounded for the rest of your life.”

Darryl laughed.

“Don’t think so, mom.”

“Darryl, I will not tell you again.”

“Okay, time to negotiate. One, I will turn the gun in but you have to promise me no more violin lessons.”

“But you love the violin lessons.”

“No, I hate them.”

“Honey, you don’t mean that.”

“Oh, yeah, I mean that.”

“Two, I can go to bed anytime I want to.”

“Young man, you are not going to hold me hostage.”

“I’m hungry. I’m going to get something to eat at Ellen’s Diner.”

He started to walk away.

“Young man, you get here right now.”

He kept walking and just shook his head.

“Damn kid.” She started to go after him.

He could hear the footsteps and they were getting closer.  

Darryl turned around.

“Mom, don’t make me do something I really don’t want to do. I love you and well we can own this town.”

“It’s wrong, Darryl.”

“Is it right the way they bully us in this town?”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“I hate all those old sayings.”

Suddenly, there was a giant swoosh of air and they both looked to their left. The spaceship landed softly. Darryl ran to his mom and stood in front of her ready to protect.

They were both scared and in awe.

The little alien bounced out of the spaceship and smiled.

“Hello, Linda, hello Darryl.”

“How do you know our names?”

“I put a trace on my gun.”

“Your gun? No way, this is my gun.”

“Oh, and where did you buy this gun?”

“I didn’t buy it. I found it. Finders keepers; losers weepers.”

“I’m afraid that it doesn’t work that way.”

“I’ll shoot you.”

“Honey, be careful. He’s an alien.”

“Listen to your mother, young man.”

Linda looked at the alien.

“How do you know it’s your gun? Why would your gun be here on earth?”

“I was here a couple of weeks ago and was walking down this country road when I fell down a giant ravine. I bumped my head and lost the gun.”

The alien took one step forward.

“I mean it, I’ll shoot you.”

The alien simply flicked a digit from his right grip and the gun sailed out of Darryl’s hand and landed in the alien’s grip.

“Hey, that’s not fair.”

“Yeah, nobody said life was fair, kid.”

The alien turned around and started to walk toward the spaceship.

“But, it’s my gun. I found it.”

The alien sighed and turned around.

“You are not mature enough to use this gun properly. You made almost everyone in the town disappear.”

“Yeah, well they laughed at us in this two-bit town.”

“Well, don’t let them laugh at you. Look, I have to go. Keep your chin up, kiddo.”

He entered the spaceship and disappeared.

“That just wasn’t fair.”

Suddenly, all of the people that had disappeared phased back including Bugs, Vince, Clyde and Jax. The police force came back and all of the teachers and the principal.  

“Oh, no, you have to be kidding me.”

“Come on, honey, let’s go home.”

He and his mom turned around and started their way home.

Felix sighed and smiled. He printed the story out and while the machine was doing the work, he packaged the toy gun and wrapped it in bright, coloured paper.

“You’re gonna like this one, nephew.”

He left.