Drama

     Sitting inside the room 4003 of Hershey Medical Hospital, Jerry’s phone buzzed almost non-stop for the hour he was holding his wife’s hand as she was going through her session of chemotherapy for her breast cancer. What in the world could have been so important that everyone had to get a hold of him right now? All of the people he talked to knew this was the time his wife was scheduled for her session. No matter what the reason is, nothing was more important than ensuring Sarah had his uninterrupted attention for this session.

     Upon hearing the second doctor confirm Sarah has breast cancer, Jerry found it nearly impossible to steer clear from the bottom of the bottle for the entirety of the first year. He spent almost all of his time either trying to make money to pay for the treatment or drowning out the pain. It’s crazy how their life stopped on a dime all of a sudden. One day they are a couple in their young 30’s traveling the world; checking things off their bucket list before they decide to settle down and have children - the next they are spending all of their time and life’s saving in the doctor’s room.

     Eight months into Sarah’s treatment, things were looking great. There was more than a 74% chance she would beat this and it would be behind them; up from a 51% chance Sarah was initially given. Then something happened. No doctors could determine what caused her body to start rejecting the treatment and Sarah’s chances of survival dropped to below 38%. Even though Sarah’s chances are still enough to keep reason for hope, Jerry has been losing hope for months. At least, he was - until he heard on the news an interview given by Adam Tusk, CEO of Tusk Enterprises Inc with night-time talk show host Cindy Jenkins. Jerry has watched and re-watched this interview almost daily for over a year now. He knows every bit of the 15-minute interview memorized - every word, every change of who is talking, every facial expression, and still he cannot believe what he heard.

     Tusk Enterprises Inc started off developing microchips about 15 years ago and have taken the nanotechnology field by storm. Jerry didn’t know what this meant other than they made really tiny things work really well. Within 6 years of launching this company, Adam became one of the youngest billionaires in the world. Easily ranked within Forbes 100 Most Influential people of the future. The New York Times described Adam as “the next Elon Musk, but with potential to change the world more than Musk could ever imagine”. But Adam has not been seen in over two years. People were starting to think that he died in some accident and his company was covering up what happened in order to keep the stock price high.

     “Thank you for joining us tonight Adam, it’s amazing to see you are still alive with all of the rumors going around about your disappearance over the past two years,” Cindy expressed.

     “It’s been a crazy time Cindy. I’m happier than you can imagine to be here right now with you.” Adam said joyfully.

     “What have you been up to lately Adam? Changing the world?,” Cindy laughed as she spoke.

     “You have no idea Cindy. We have been hard at work developing and changing technology in ways nobody would believe. In fact, I am here tonight to discuss a project we are working on.” Adam said.

     Cindy gasped. “In your company’s existence you have never discussed a project until the prototype has been fully functional and the patent was secured. What changed?”

     Adam looked away from the camera for a couple seconds to gather himself. He knew it would be tough to say what he was about to say to the world and no matter how many times he practiced it at the office - since he never left the building, he knew this would be the hardest thing he has ever said. Adam took a deep breath and then said, “As you know, we at Tusk Enterprises pride ourselves in keeping our technology under lock and key. However, I am coming here tonight to tell you that we are working on a new technology that will change everything. But we need help to make it a success. We believe we have a way to cure cancer. Not just one specific type of cancer, all of them; and quickly. What we intend to do can also be used to prevent cancer from forming inside of your body.”

     Cindy’s jaw just dropped. Could this really be true? Why is he telling the world about this? And why me? As she picked her jaw up, Cindy remarked, “Wow that is incredible. That would literally be life changing to millions of people around the world. What do you need for this project to proceed and to become a reality?”

     Adam stared directly at the camera, his eyes staring intently at the blinking red light. “Human test subjects. And a lot of them. What we have developed has the potential to kill the person with cancer; while we don’t believe this will happen, it is always a possibility. Our experts have run the analysis and before we can be 100% confident in this, we need to test it on thousands of people all around the world. All different shapes, sizes, ages, and types of cancer. I am coming here today to not just ask, but to beg you, or someone you know to consider signing up for our trail treatment.”

     “I’m sure we can help you with that. If someone is interested in signing up to cure their cancer, how would they go about that”?

     “You would need to go to our website, www.HelpTuskBeatCancer.com and fill out your information. After we receive your application, we will be sure to contact you as quickly as we can. We know how urgent this matter is to you as your life is at risk right now. We are going to do everything we can to get to you as quickly as possible. Our staff will talk you through the process of what to expect, and when to expect to receive the treatment.”

     “I’m sure you will have people lining outside your door waiting for their turn. Can you walk us through what happens when a person gets chosen?”

     “Certainly Cindy. It’s actually a very simple process once the application is submitted. Just wait for an email and a phone call from our staff. When our staff contacts you, they will set up a date and time to come to your house to administer the treatment. This may take some time to plan the logistics because there may be flights involved for the staff, but we are working on making treatment available in every major city, and in every state. The staff member will then inject you with what essentially is a micro-robot. This micro-robot is equipped to travel through a person’s blood stream and attack any cancer cell it comes into contact with.”

     “Adam, that sound kind of scary. How do we know that this robot will do what it needs to do? And how does the robot work?”

     “Excellent questions. Let me first talk about how it works. The micro-robot moves around your blood stream as your body naturally pumps blood. No power source is required because it is always moving, always generating energy. Over the course of 2-3 months, the robot will have traveled through your entire body a couple of times; destroying all cancer cells it comes in contact with. And for your second question. That one is a little more challenging to answer. I know it works because I have seen it work. Well not seen as in I can see this little robot moving throughout your body. I have felt it work its miracle inside of me. It has been well known that I have not been around for two years now. I am in fact alive, and it is thanks to this micro-robot.”

     “Wait! Are you telling me that you have cancer?” Cindy exclaimed.

     “Not anymore. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with an inoperable cancerous tumor on my spine. Chemotherapy was doing very little for me. I was given less than 20 months to live. I immediately put every cent of my company and every worker’s time into finding a way to tackle this problem. I was either going to die trying, or I was going to help change the world. I knew I was getting down to my final few weeks when I could barely walk. I didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to drink, and I just wanted to die. My affairs were in order so I decided to inject myself with this micro-robot. The lab technicians warned me against it, but what did I have to lose at that point? I was already a dead man walking. Now five months later, I am back to full health. The tumor is gone and I feel better than ever. I want to share this with the world but I need to make sure it will work on others.”

     “That is an incredible story Adam,” Cindy remarked as she wiped a tear off her left cheek. “We are very grateful that you are alive and with us today. Let’s make this into a reality. Let’s help save lives!”

     After that, Jerry always turns the interview off. What comes next are a bunch of promises to make this treatment readily available and free to anyone that needs it. Of course, Sarah and Jerry applied for this, but they didn’t do it until her chances were getting worse. That was almost a year ago when they received the automated email saying Sarah’s application has been accepted and she will be contacted when it is available for her. Who knows how many people are in front of her, waiting for their turn?

     Every day since then Sarah’s routine has been the same. Check email while eating breakfast. Nothing new. Log onto the website and check her status. Nothing has changed; still shows “in review” under “Status”. Go about her day. Check email after dinner. Nothing new. Log onto the website before bed, “in review”. Her family and friends have been extremely supportive of her ever since her diagnosis. Once Sarah applied to receive the micro-robot, she informed her closest friends and family. She even gave them the login information for the site so they can help monitor it in case her or Jerry were unable to.

     For the first few months, she knew they were checking her application status all the time. She would receive phone calls with words of encouragement and everyone always ended their conversation with “soon your application will go from in review to processed, just have faith for a little bit longer,” but Sarah was seeing the writing on the wall. She applied too late; she wasn’t going to get this in time. 

     As Jerry and Sarah finished up her treatment, Sarah decided to stop at the bathroom before they headed home. Jerry took this time to pull out his phone and see what the ruckus was about. 178 texts and 44 missed calls. As he unlocked his phone and opened up his messaging app, he dropped his phone. He couldn’t believe what he saw; or think he saw? He wasn’t sure. He only looked at it for a second, maybe less, before the phone slipped from his fingers. Did he really see texts saying Sarah’s application has been moved to processed?

     Jerry bent down to pick up his phone, fingers trembling. It took both hands to pick it up off the floor. He carefully pulled the phone up and scrolled through the messages. Yes! Every single message was about her application moving forward. He was in complete and udder shock. Jerry immediately pulled up her application online and logged in. It happened. Sarah was going to live. He was sure of it.

     After Jerry placed his phone in his pocket, Sarah was walking out of the bathroom and said, “Hey do you get reception out here? My phone hasn’t had reception since we came into th-”.

     Jerry cut her off before she could speak another word and planted a very long, and very passionate kiss on her lips. “Honey, there is hope. You are receiving the treatment. Your application has been processed. I’m sure they have been trying to contact you for over an hour about this. Let’s get out of here quickly so you can call them back.”

     As Sarah and Jerry walked out of the hospital, hand in hand, Jerry couldn’t help but cry. Hope has been restored. 

Posted Feb 12, 2021
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3 likes 6 comments

Christy Sanchez
17:48 Feb 22, 2021

Your story had some interesting aspects. The idea of microbots in the bloodstream was very imaginative. I liked how you wrote..." Upon hearing the second doctor confirm Sarah has breast cancer, Jerry found it nearly impossible to steer clear from the bottom of the bottle for the entirety of the first year. He spent almost all of his time either trying to make money to pay for the treatment or drowning out the pain."
However, the story does seem a little flat, and it was difficult to feel the emotion from your main character. I would suggest a little more immersion in that regard. Otherwise, a good attempt.

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00:44 Feb 18, 2021

Hi!

This is Urhioghenegba from Critique Circle.

Your story is nice, albeit, as I noticed, not that well written. And before you pout, I’m not saying you performed terribly. I could feel Sarah and Jerry’s pain and anxiety, and I truly felt happy for them in the end.

But first of, the prompt you chose says to “start your story with a major news event breaking.” So the interview of Adam Tusk with Cindy Jenkins should have been what sets off the story. When you do that, then you can hover in between past and present to reveal the circumstances. Diving into the subject matter at once will help make your story more riveting.

Then I noticed you were just dulling out facts in your story. It looks like something being read out from a newspaper. You can work on this. Try to be sensational in your work and you can achieve this by tapping into your feelings when writing, and not by recounting. I would also advise you to look up the “Show don’t tell” lessons by Reedsy.

More importantly, if it is your passion, keep writing, don’t stop or get discouraged. Practice makes Perfect as well as Permanent. You will make for an excellent writer Keith (if I may), you just have to work on yourself to get there.

Cheers!

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18:15 Feb 18, 2021

Hi there!

Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate you reading my story and giving me criticism. This was the first thing I've ever written. I fully understand your comments and I'll try to remember/incorporate them in future stories!

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Zoe Knight
15:47 Feb 17, 2021

An interesting take, I initially thought that the news is going to be dreadfull, so it was a nice suprise.

There ia a slight problem - you change the POV from Jerry to Adam in the middle, and then go back, which is a little bit confusing. Also, I think no one trying to get people for testing would use the word "kill" in the interview, I feel like that would be a big no-no :D

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18:16 Feb 18, 2021

Hi there!

Thank you for your comments. I had a tough time writing that part of the interview and I knew it was "weak". I really appreciate you reading it and letting me know your thoughts!

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Zoe Knight
19:05 Feb 18, 2021

No prob :D

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