The Marathon

  Sensitive content warning: mention of infertility and pregnancy loss.

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The rhythmic sound of her shoes smacking the damp pavement drummed in her ears. 

  Only 4 more miles.

  Her breathing was deep and steady, just as she had practiced. Running this half marathon has been easier than she thought. 

  Soon I’ll be able to add that 13.1 sticker to my car.

  Training four days a week for the last six months has really paid off. Not to mention the diet. Lean protein, rice, veggies. Only one cheat day, her birthday two months ago, she allowed herself to drink a vodka cranberry to celebrate turning the big four-oh. 

  Thud thud thud thud.

  I am a machine. A marathon runnin’ machine. She thought to herself. 

  Her legs were moving from pure muscle memory. One right in front of the other. Over and over. She could feel her form was perfect, long straight spine but loose in the muscles. She held her shoulders firm but able to swing her forward bent arms slightly to give momentum. 

  This was one thing in her life she had stuck with and done right. The changes in her body had caused a new wardrobe. The compression leggings she wore now were black, and supported her glutes well. Her ass was something she never thought possible. Tight, firm, but with just enough jiggle. She caught a glimpse of her toned upper arms. She had only strength trained twice a week, but the high protein diet had helped with definition. Her skin had even cleared with all of these changes. I guess you could say she had a “glow” up. 

She glanced at her Apple Watch. Closing in on 3 miles to go. 

  The best thing about all of this, she ran into her ex husband at the grocery store two weeks ago. She chuckled to herself at the memory of the look on his face when they had almost collided head on at the end of the aisle. He didn't seem to recognize her at first, so many things had changed. No more glasses, Lasik had been easier than expected. She even treated herself to teeth whitening and light Botox on her forehead and around the eyes. She had gone to a salon for the first time in a decade, and her hair was glossy brown with tonal highlights, which she kept in a lightly curled ponytail. He had been cordial, said hello and they exchanged pleasantries. She could feel his eyes on her as she skirted by him. If he only knew that he caused all of this. 

  I technically have him to thank…

  Those long nights of crying into my pillow, wondering why he cheated. Why was she not good enough? That coworker of his had always given flirty vibes. Of course he always said she was just a friend. But friends don’t end up pregnant by their married coworkers. The betrayal had cut her deep, eighteen years of marriage gone in an instant. What had hurt worse than the betrayal was she had tried for years to give him a child with no success.  

  One of their mutual friends said they lost the baby eight weeks into the pregnancy. A small twinge of sorrow had pinged her heart when hearing of that loss. She never wished that. Of all the hurt he caused, never that. 

  Two miles left. 

  After the divorce, the decision was made to put her health, and herself, first. She needed something to focus on. A goal to reach. Something to work towards. There were a couple of 5k’s under her belt a few years ago, but she never considered herself a runner. But she wasn’t a runner because she didn’t run. If she started running, she’d be a runner. Isn’t that how it works? The Hokas in the bottom of the closet got dusted off in early January. A cabinet clean out and grocery store trip came soon after. She even bought one of those fancy treadmills with the screen, and took instructor led classes online. 

 Another glance down at her watch. Getting close to the final mile. 

  Thud thud thud. 

  I wonder what I’ll place?

  She hadn’t even thought of that. There was a small prize for the winner, but she couldn’t remember what it was. There were a few people behind her, but no one in front. 

  Thoughts of who was waiting at the finish like caused a smile to spread across her face. Dating apps have not been very helpful these last few months. She met some creeps, and guys who only wanted to hook up. A few were entertaining, especially after being in an almost sexless marriage. Once the attempts to make a baby stopped, so did the act required to do so. 

 She crossed the threshold of the final mile. 

 Falling for a woman had not been what she expected. The attraction to women had always been there, but also the respect for her marriage vows. Now that she had experienced a woman’s soft caress, as compared to a man’s rough groping, there’s no going back. The moment her lips had met the pillowy mouth of her lover, she felt a piece inside of her click together. She had never felt so whole. Time stood still when they made love for the first time, and tears flowed freely afterwards from both. They knew this was it. This was true and final. 

 Sweat ran down the sides of her face, and she wiped it away with the wicking towel draped around her neck. She knew there would be a celebratory kiss waiting at the finish line, and wanted to be prepared. Her heart rate had been steady the entire race, but now climbed in anticipation. 

 There was the finish line in the distance. A quick glance over her shoulder confirmed no other runners were near. She kept her pace steady. No reason to speed up now. 

 She broke her form momentarily to adjust her leggings and running bra. She wanted to look good and put together in case there were cameras waiting. She reached up to tighten her ponytail and fluff it a bit. Curling it had been a futile task this morning. 

 Getting back into form, she could see someone at the finish line. Her outline was familiar, a body she had touched many nights. When they were together, they were one being. 

 Closer to the finish line. Why was her love the only one there? Shouldn’t there be cameras and local news stations? 

 Everything was becoming cloudy now. A haze fell over the endpoint. It was time to quicken the pace. Her heart, which was just a little fast a few moments ago, now raced. 

 Closer to her lover. She was right there, across the finish line. A big red ribbon stretched from side to side, she would be first place. The ribbon had not been broken yet. That threshold was the only thing separating them. 

 Almost close enough to make out the features of that face she has kissed so many times. Almost. 

#

  Her eyes popped open. 

  No. 

  That was so real. 

  She ran her hand down her stomach, and felt the rolls of fat and sighed. Her hand made its way to her backside. Definitely not toned and firm. 

  Her legs swung out of bed as she grabbed her phone off the nightstand. Almost six o'clock in the morning, January third. 

 That can’t be right. 

Making her way to the bathroom she tried shaking the memory of that vivid dream away. 

  That was more than a dream. It felt real. 

  Sitting down to relieve herself, the phone screen was blindingly bright as she scrolled through posts. Everything was blurry, and she had to pull the phone screen close to her face. 

  Damn, I didn’t grab my glasses. 

 She touched the email notification to clear it off the screen. 

 “Race distances - 100 Mile, 100K, 50K, 50 Mile Night Run, Marathon, & Half Marathon” the tagline screamed at her. 

 Her heart froze. 

 Cleaning up quickly, she ran out of the bathroom and up to the edge of the bed, yanking the blanket off of his body and causing him to jerk awake. 

  His eyes met hers with shock and anger. 

  “Are you cheating on me?” She demanded to know before he had a chance to speak. 

  The look on his face changed from anger to questioning. “Uhh what?”

  “Are you cheating on me with that girl from accounting?” 

  His face, still puffy from sleep, gave her a blank look in return. After a few moments of intense staring, his head slumped back into his pillow in defeat. 

  “How did you know?”