2020 COVID-19 Storm

You can hear the droplets hitting the window and when you open the door they caress your face. You want to shy away from the wet, cold feeling but it is ultimately refreshing. I can breathe and I want it. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before. I need it. I need it more than anything I have ever needed before. Looking up the sky is turning into a deep purple, almost black and enveloping all around you. Then the flashes begin. They do not stop.

They begin where you jump at the startling revelation that a storm is coming. I can feel the tingle in my fingertips as I love storms. I love the exhilaration, the strength and the renewal that will come in the aftermath. This storm is like nothing you have ever experienced before as it comes in from all directions. The lightning flashes in an almost blinding revelation while the thunder rolls beneath the surface of what used to be your freedom. A freedom that you were born with. A freedom that we all took for granted. A freedom that may be ultimately gone for an indefinite amount of time.

The distant horizon is but that and in a distance. Breathing is almost invigorating as you embrace your new found freedom within this prison of the indoors. The storm is here and it is here to stay. Everything familiar and bright has been dimmed as the thunder rolls in and the lightning bears it's unforgiving fury. The earth grumbles above you and beneath your feet as it reclaims what we tried to control.

Like a tsunami, my mind it races constantly. I can feel the earth beneath me shaking and the sky above me angry. We have taken the world for granted in so many ways and for that I cannot recompense alone. I see my walls and my paintings, only to be reminded that they are all that I see. I am alone, I am one with myself while expected to be one with the world.

I need people and this is where my storm begins. People are the thunder, the lightning, the rain and the downpour. People are who they tell me to stay away from. I am an extrovert and I need people. How do I stay inside on this rainy day. This rainy every day. This rain that doesn't forgive and doesn't forget. This rain that turns into a beautiful sun shower every time I open my door. Especially when opening my door is what I should not do.

I begin to think. This rainy day inside or two or 10 or 30 people that I could infect. People that I do not know. People that have done nothing to me except need that breath of fresh air. People that I could possibly send to their graves. Do they deserve that storm that I lay upon them? All because I need that feeling of rejuvenation. That sense of belonging. That need to live.

My baby girl she sits alone too. Battling her own storms that I cannot help her with in person but only with words. She is a person of great love and one that must touch. One that must feel the arms of someone around her. Yet, she cannot do so. She must battle this fury inside her very soul without a mothers arms. To what avail do we sit inside?

I love the thunder, I dance in the rain and the lightning is illuminating. Yet, to go outside within the storm is tempting fate of myself and so many others. Is it worth the risk?

Can you hear the drums beating in the distance? Is that thunder? Is that my own mind. How much time will I spend thinking about everything and anything, past and future, here and now, then and where? Does this ever seem to come to a viable conclusion where I am not feeling as if the earth is stirring beneath me?

From the rains grow the tallest trees and the most beautiful flowers. From the rains we wash away the sins of yesterday. From the rains we drink the plenty that the earth sees fit to give us. From the storms redemption will break free.

This is what we learn or what we are taught. But in the same regard, what we were taught has brought us here. To a storm that so many foresaw. A storm that could have been prevented. A relentless storm that doesn't cease. And we embrace it as if it is a thing of norm. A storm that is a consequence of humanity and greed.

We need to reflect upon our actions, our desires and our needs. Are they the storm that will precede? When our grandchildren seek to understand their history. What will we tell them? Did we truly succeed?

The rain is dancing outside and I cannot break free. I long to feel that cool touch. I long to dance and be me. This cannot happen as of yet as the storm is severe. Hope is hinging on humanity and I am not sure we can persevere.

I sit at my computer even now and I stare at a screen. The screen that has replaced my loved ones and my life. The screen that undoubtedly is still sustaining me with food and shelter. The one that helps me continue to bring it what I need without ever having to go out and get what I want. The screen of death!

That water on my face is so tempting. To feel the cold feel of the breath that the wind will give me. To touch something that is not material. To want something more than what I can see in front of me. To trudge through the mud that the storm leaves behind.

I am inside for that storm. The one that tells me that it is too unforgiving to let me out. I am learning to deal with the storms inside my mind and the thunder that always rolls. The lightning that shows me the path to finding peace.

I am inside. I am safe. COVID- 19