College and Covid

During the course of those 9 months I was still planning on moving to LA, the boys decided to come with me. I was going to be in the dorms, but the three of us, with the pets got a 2 bedroom apartment. We all got jobs, and life made sense again. Oh, and Carly got married! I almost forgot! We all flew out to her house, and crashed there. All 3 families, and now with Carly getting married 4. We all loved each other and had decided to move the wedding since the homeroom drama. And since we were distance learning, we never missed anything. Worked out great. Of course, the drama seemed to follow us. But that’s just politics. We just learned to make the best out of every situation. We stuck together and knew who had our backs.

Right so college. A two bedroom apartment in LA is like $3,000/month. All three of us were in school full time and had full time jobs. Thank God for the animals, we would all go insane. All three of us got retail jobs in the mall for during the week, and serving jobs in a restaurant on weekends to help with the bills. Exhausting, but we made it work. Then suddenly, all of that was in upheaval too. Now on top of social disrupt, hatred, white supremacy and just disgusting inexcusable actions from the government, we hit the biggest road block of them all…A pandemic. Cause the world didn’t have enough problems, Covid-19. Someone in China ate a bat and got sick, and spread their germs. Now the whole world is shut down. For about a month classes were cancelled and we had no jobs. Thank God they weren’t allowed to charge us rent. Maskne became a thing as we started to interview for delivery jobs. We had one car….mine. So, we took turns working at first. We worked out a car schedule, study schedule, and walking the pets schedule that would rotate every third day. Odd, but we had to do something. We started Vlogging daily, and ended up with a following. At one point, I considered making an “Only Fans”, but the boys talked me out of it. Eventually, I ended up working at a grocery store, becoming a front line worker. Cody, worked for Uber, they provided the car, and Michael worked for Instacart. It all worked out financially. We were just scared of each other and catching the damn virus.

Amidst all of the confusion, fear and panic…the holidays decided to sneak up on us and just add more unneeded strain to this pressure cooker of a year. Ok, in theory its positive pressure but our mental health is stretched to the max and so anything extra is just kinda a burden. Sad. This is kinda how the first half of our freshman year was. No glam shots, no slo-mo walks down the hall to study hall, nothing glamorous. Work, class, zoom, and staying home whenever we are not working. Really a drab life of survival and lots of anxiety filled days, with giant qtips up our noses to make sure we didn’t get “the virus”. All we wanted to do was drink and have our life back. Oh, before I forget, those qtips are a nasal swab that we have to do, the word on the street is it’s covid testing, I’m starting to think it’s just the governments way of making sure I don’t get a nose ring. Ok, bad humor, but I had to try. Halloween was super awkward. Trick or Treating was practically illegal and to some extent so was any gathering. By now the Mayor and Governor are being blamed for people not complying with the CDC recommendations. Right in time for the holidays, a new surge of people getting sick and dying from the virus. It’s no joke. It’s killed almost 10,000 people, including a few friends back home, and even some distant family. It’s been a tough year, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Thank God I live with 2 of the best people and 3 of the bestest, cuddliest, and furriest zoom buddies that we could ever ask for! Velveteen, Fluffers, and Whiskers have been pretty much our whole life line and they are the only family we are allowed to spend time with this holiday season. Corona is super deadly and spreads around like a stick of fresh butter with a hot knife on some crunchy sourdough toast. Mmmm, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Not the virus, but the warm butter on the toast. I am always hungry, but what else is new lol.

Halloween came and went, then we had to deal with the conundrum of Thanksgiving. Plus the arduous task of shopping for Christmas and not knowing what that will mean for us or anyone else. All of us were super busy with work, but at least there was hope that a vaccine would be ready soonish. Classes were still online and now finals were looming in the near and immediate future. We started the semester with all of these big hopes and dreams, only to realize that besides work, we would never really get to go outside the house this year. Walking the dogs is one thing, but since COVID-19 hit, we just don’t enjoy life like we used to. When we leave the house we have to wear a mask. Some of the local Karen’s want us to mask the dogs too. Like seriously what is wrong with you people.

5,4,3,2,1….HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It will be happy if we can claim our lives back, go to the store, get the education we are paying for…Life. We miss life. It looks like there may be hope with the coming of the new year. Our old incompetent Government powers will be exchanged for new leaders, and a much needed and much more forward thinking mindset. At least half of the new powers have a feminine touch and a lot of racial history. Good or bad we will see. The other hope is that we can start getting vaccinated. There are now some vaccine companies that have been approved by the government to start getting some medicine in our bodies. We are all considered front line workers by our respective companies, so we should be first in line…at least we think that’s how it works.

Time still seems to drag on like slippers in the mudd. Wet, dirty, tedious, and we are not sure if the stain of the past year will ever come out. It’s a new year, but even with all the hope the negativity seems to swallow us whole, like a fat kid and a slice of cake. We keep on, but we are deteriorating as a society. The deeper into the pandemic, the more shallow our needs become. We just want life back. The ground hog tells us 6 more weeks of winter, until this virus is eradicated, it really is one long internal, eternal winter. Emotions are cold, looks leave you shivering, hugs make you question your sanity and sanitation. The weather may be getting warmer, but our insides just don’t know if that makes any difference for our cold atmosphere. Everything is so clinical, political and divided. Even our household has moments where we don’t know the existence of eachother and even with the heater on, our bones are chilled to the core with hate for the virus and all the drama and hate it has brought our society as a whole. We run errands, and walk the pets, post to social media, shower and get ready for another night of soulless work. The smiles are fake, our tears, we are tired of holding them in. Hair colors are vibrant, our souls are as dim as the light within. The Jetson’s robot Rosie has more genuine emotion about normal things than we do about our existence. Family is a foreign concept and so is sex. The boys still do it sometimes, but their love is much more mechanical than it is fluid. We need out of this hell hole of a box we call home. Our rooms have become like prison cells, our kitchens are mess halls, we deliver for others more than we get do for ourselves. And it shows. We all act like we care, but all we want is out. We fight to feel but are afraid of when we are allowed to feel. What will happen? How high will those bills be? God, no more bills! Can’t handle anymore financial pressures. We will break. Our souls are shattered by isolation, sanitation and vaccinations. What more do we have to give? We have lost so much more in the past year. Over half a million dead in this country alone, and those of us living are like zombies. Except we don’t crave brains, we crave humans, emotions, memories and touching people without feeling like we need to bathe in bleach after. We crave feeling like a human and making memories that don’t involve zoom calls and screens. The only lens we wanna interact with is a camera to capture lifes precious moments of real life. Humans. We want to be a whole human again. Nature moves on like nothing changed. Little baby creatures are born and will learn survival skills from their parents. But no parent can prepare their offspring for this numbing death that is the result of a killer virus that came from someone eating a bat. Did they think they were ozzy? Frustration is putting is politely. But now its time to take out the trash. Sadly, I can’t get rid of the toxicity that is Covid – 19 like I can the smell of last nights fish dinner. I see my breath outside and am reminded of my pointless existence. “Ella!” I hear someone shriek my name…Who could it be?

It has been so long since I heard that voice. I barely recognized it. Seemed like a ghost from a life lived and lost so many lifetimes ago. Unsure if I am imagining things, I chuck the trash and my glimmer of happiness away. I haven’t had something possibly positive to ponder on in such a long time. Sounds like mom, but it can’t be. Her and Dr. Calpin are so careful about contact with the covid world that surrounds them that they may as well be in the shoe. Jake used to tell me about this horrid place full of nothing but your own thoughts. Jake would sometimes write me letters and I would write back telling him of the outside world. He was supposed to be released 9 months ago. But thanks to the pandemic they are keeping him locked up. Funny cause with overcrowding and the jails being cesspool for the virus they are supposed to be releasing people. Jake got stuck back in the whole a day before his release, that extended it for 2 weeks. Then it seems like they just forgot about him. Well, even when he escaped the shoe, they just keep making excuses to keep him in jail. Every time he was scheduled for release, me and the boys would make the trip to Folsom and wait outside with signs and his favorite food. Masks were tripled and sanitizer was a big thing. The three of us and the pets are the covid pod, we are all constantly tested and sanitized. Well, once the virus hit, the jails limited all communications esp mail even more than before. Afraid of cross contamination they would say. But we had no idea what was going on. So the letters became scarce, and then stopped. I have had one call since then and he shrieked my name on that call. That call was 6 months ago. I don’t even know if my brother is alive right now. I hope he is…I let my mind wander as my breath is making my mask wet and humid. “ELLA!” The shrieking starts up again. But it’s not a memory. I look up and see Jake running towards me without stretched arms! “OMG Jake!” I suddenly spring to life! Life! It runs in my veins and reminds my legs how to run! I haven’t felt this alive in over year!!! OMG I am ALIVE! JAKE IS ALIVE!! “JAKE YOU ARE ALIVE!!!” I scream as loud as I can, I need to the boys to know that we are ALIVE! I need to remind that we are alive and that joy is not dead!! We grab onto each other and smash bodies like a car accident. Finally, I am alive again!

Cold wind biting at my underexposed skin and freshening up my heart, lifting it up to the skies above. Arms out in front me, reaching for the feelings I crave, reaching towards hope, joy, and love. Yearning for people and humans, and family, and emotions. The ground under my feet disappears as all I feel is this rush of elation and joy and love and tears. Warm tears, burning my cheeks and soaking my mask. I am feeling. I am not a robot! My legs are turning to rubber while stampeding towards the first bit of happiness and raw emotion I have felt in months. My feet are reassuring me that they work, pounding the pavement towards my joy. My heart is pounding and pumping that blood everywhere, my cheeks are flushed. I can barely see, my breath is drowning my mask, fogging my glasses and my eyes have rivers of joy running down from them. My mask is melting off like water on cotton candy, flapping in the wind like a shirt on pirates of the penzance. I don’t even care! The joy is overflowing and overwhelming. I want to see my brother, but my eyes don’t cooperate. Our bodies smush together and become one big soppy, squishy, shaking mess of emotion and parts, hearts about to beat right out from our parkas. Tears are flowing, our legs are shaking, laugher and exclamations of joy fill the once dead air space. Celebration surround us and engulfs us, creating this happy glowing bubble right out there in the middle of the street. I inhale my brother, a combination of weed, cigs, and axe body spray. His jacket was soft and squishy like his soul, our parkas are slippery against each other. As much as our jackets want to slip away, our embrace tightness. We are trying to squeeze the misery and pain of the past year away. As we are engulfed by the mere presence of each other in company. I feel two sudden thumps. Jolted awake for a moment, the boys have joined the cuddle puddle! Nothing else mattered in that moment. I had everything I needed right then and there. Slippery parkas, the life being squeezed back into me, and all of my favorite people. Touching and feeling people for the first time in over a year. Life couldn’t be more perfect!

2034 is turning out not to be a total shit year. Jake moved in with us and our little family grew a plus one. But, man was I outnumbered with male testosterone. We decided to set up a selfie stick and take a family pic to send to Mom, Dr.Calpin, and Michaels parents. It had been a while since we all smiled and meant it. So it felt great to feel alive again. Our soul were breathing and our hearts were beating! We even included our fur babies in the portrait. Jake wants one too, but we could only give him a couch, so he agreed that after the pandemic he would revisit the idea. We all got dressed in our glam photo casual. Plaid and denim lol. Giggles were abundant while taking the pics, giggles and puppy kisses. Me and Velveteen, Cody and Fluffers, Michael and Whiskers and Jake, all of us crammed into a small two bedroom apartment close to Los Angeles. Cody and Michael were still in school and super determined in their careers. They were on a path, and me well, I still don’t know, all I know is I want to help people. Corona really didn’t help me figure myself out at all. Lockdown is going on 13 months now, and we have been doing online learning for just about a year.