neon shadows

It all began the night I lost my shadow. The night of perfection, the night where I didn’t know it yet, but I would soon discover the difference between true shadows and light blocking.

***

February 22nd 

“I’ll be okay to stay mom.” I assured her.

“I don’t know, Emberalia. It’s a big responsibility for you to be left here.” she said with a hint of the soft baby voice that annoys me so much.

“I’ll be fine, if anything happens I can just go over to Rein’s house.”

She gave a nervous  laugh and a quick nervous look to Dad, “The idea of you and Rein hanging out scares me more than leaving you home alone.” 

She finally ended up giving in after a bit of debating between me and my dad versus her. “Well, I think this is insane, but fine. I’ll let you stay home alone under one condition.” she sighed. 

My Dad gave her a slight side eye, but it was very quick, “And what would that be?” he asked.

“Stay away from Rein.” demanded Mom

“But Rein is family!” I protested.

“I don’t care. I am only asking one thing of you, if you truly wish to stay home alone and for us to continue trusting you, you’ll agree.” she said with that calm-scary voice that parents use.

“Fine.” I agreed.

February 23rd

I did the cliche thing, and I went against the one rule my mother had given me.

My fist striked the door with a clunking noise, my Aunt Melanie’s door always sounded weird when you knocked on it, but I was only now actually realizing it. They’ve always seemed pretty weird, even if they are family. 

Aunt Melanie opened the door with her soft and gentle hands, “Emberalia, what brings you here sweetie?” Her voice is flowy.

A bitter taste came upon me, I can’t stand when people call me by my actual name, Emberalia, I prefer Ember. “I wish to see Rein.”

“Lovely,” she turns around and cups her hands around the sides of her mouth, “Rein honey! Stop playing for a little while and hang out with Emberalia.” Her voice still sounds so lovely.

I laugh a little in my head- playing? What’s she doing playing when she’s 14? As I said earlier, they’re weird.

Rein trampled out of the kitchen, holding a chocolate chip cookie with an annoyed look on her face, she walked out the door without even acknowledging her own mother- or me.

“Rein.” Aunt Melanie's voice didn’t sound graceful anymore, it sounded strict and secure.

Rein turned around, looking worried, “Yes mother?”

Aunt Melanie’s voice felt kind and majestic once again, “Emberalia, dear, you wouldn’t mind if I had a quick little talk with Rein. Right?”

“No, it's fine.” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as confused as I was.

Almost immediately, she grasped her daughter’s hand and pulled her inside, slamming the door in my face.

What was that about? I ask myself. I have never heard her voice switch like that, I rarely hang out with Rein, but when I do, Rein is always fun and excited. (Except when there’s lots of people because she has social anxiety)

After multiple minutes, Rein came out with two dried but faint, though still noticeable, tears that framed her face.

We slowly walked over to my house while silent, Rein ate her cookie while I wondered how mad my mom would be if she knew what was happening right now. 

Once we were inside my own house, we both sat down on the couch. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” I asked sympathetically.

“I mind you asking.” Rein said blankly.

“Is Aunt Melanie hurting you? Are you being mistreated in any way?” I said hesitantly, almost not wanting to know.

Rein laughed, “No it’s not that, my mother’s one of the sweetest people on the planet.”

“Okay, if you need to talk though, you know I’ll listen. Right?”

She stares at the blank screen on the TV.

“Right?” I repeat, my worry rising.

She gives the fakest smile to me I’ve ever seen in my life. “Ask me something else, please.” She was smiling but her eyes gave a pleading look.

“Okay, do you want to spend the night over here?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to leave any trace of breaking the No Rein rule.

She looks back to the blank screen, “I would if I could. I have to be back by 8:30 p.m.” 

“Why?”

“Ask me something else.” she replies.

“Why can’t you just give me answers?”

“I just can’t.”

“Why not?!” I demand to know.

“Why can’t you stop asking questions?”

“Because I’m intrigued now.” I looked at her so hard my eyes could’ve burnt into her head, and I wanted her to feel it.

“Fine, I can’t lie.”

I roll my eyes, “Never expected you, Rein Meye, to be a little goody two shoes.” I grinned.

She gave a soft chuckle, “No, no, no. It’s not that, I’m the furthest thing from a goody two shoes.”

“So, are you cursed or something?” I said jokingly.

“Ask me something else.” she said with a crack in her voice, keeping her gaze on the blank screen.

I could almost feel my face go pale, immediately regretting my decision of inviting her over, “I think you should go home.”

She gave a smirk that I couldn’t tell if it was innocent or planning something, “So do I, but first…..” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a small black hand-towel. She went behind the couch with the hand-towel and stopped behind me. 

“Wh-what are you doing, Rein?” 

“Giving you a farewell gift.” 

“Oh, okay I guess.”

“It’s for the better, you’ll be so much happier.”

“Will I?”

“Sure you will, trust Rein.” said Rein, her voice sounding slightly different, almost nervous.

I couldn’t help but feel like she was doing something awful. She put the black hand-towel on my face. It felt wet, with frigid water. It was a pleasing though odd sensation. Next, while the hand-towel was still on my face, she shockingly pinched the back of my neck very hard. I winced intensely because her nails felt as if they went deep into my skin. No, not deep in my skin, it felt like it took a bit of me away. Then, I heard her run through the door. 

I threw the towel off of my face and placed my palm to the back of my neck, pain soaring through it, though I couldn’t find anything. Did she curse me? I asked myself, extremely weirded out.

I walked over to the window. Seconds ago it had been just noon, now the sky was dark. I looked over to the digital clock, 11:04 p.m. it read. 

What’d she do? Most importantly, what’d she do to me.?

February 24th

The next morning, I ran over to Aunt Melanie and Rein’s house and didn’t bother knocking, I went inside and went upstairs to Rein’s room, which I had been in so many times during family gatherings. She wasn’t there. I stomped down the stairs. Before I had gotten to the bottom, I heard Aunt Melanie in the kitchen, “Oh Rein, I thought you were down in the basement tending to the shadows. When you’re done, I’m making scrambled eggs.”          

Shadows? Aunt Melanie said this in the tone she did when she scarily said Rein’s name.

“Kay.” I muttered, trying to sound like Rein. She must be in the basement. We’ve always been forbidden from going into the basement because the adults said it would be too dark and scary for us children. I guess I’ve been lied to, Rein does go in the basement to apparently “tend to the shadows”. What does that mean? Every time when we were younger I would say, “Rein, let’s sneak down to the basement,” for a bit of fun but she would always look at me with this terrified look and say, “No, we messed up once by entering the abditory for the shadows, we mustn't make that mistake once again.” I always thought it was something her mom had told her just to keep her away from the basement. 

I opened the door, and it creaked very loudly, “Mom, what are you doing?” I heard Rein’s voice call. I silently freaked out. I could mimic Rein’s voice because it was so easy, but I couldn’t possibly mimic Aunt Melanie’s flowy, kind voice that she used on me. Besides, I didn’t know if she used that when our side of the family wasn’t around. I made my voice deeper like Aunt Melanie’s when she said Rein’s name, “Nothing, Rein, just an accident.”

There was a loud thumping noise coming from my chest, it was so loud I was frightened Rein would hear me. My cover would be blown by my stupid non-courageous self. I was stopped in my tracks when I heard loud talking by many more people than Rein, though I could also hear Rein talking among the people. 

I heard Rein yell my name, but she added the letter V to the beginning of it. Vember?

“Vember! Stop!” 

I was frightened deeply, I wanted to turn around and act like I hadn’t seen anything, but that was the thing that was stopping me. I still hadn’t seen anything. I ran down the steps, not caring if Rein saw me, because it was my intention for her to see me.

“Rein Rose Meye!” I yelled. I got to the bottom of the steps and immediately regretted it. There were lots of people, though they weren’t talking anymore, they were staring directly at me. These people weren’t normal people though, they had neon colored hair, neon colored clothing. Even weirder, some had neon pink skin, some had neon blue skin, some neon yellow, neon green, and even neon orange. The craziest and scariest part, I recognized Aunt Melanie as one of these neon people tied up in a corner. 

“Rein, what in the world are you doing-?” I didn’t get to see who grabbed me by the collar behind me, but someone did. “Let go of me!” I screamed

I didn’t say anything but my voice responded back, “Just stay still, and it’ll all be over.”

“No!” I jerked away from her and turned around shocked to see myself as one of these neon people. She had neon pink skin and her neon green hair fell just like my natural hair does. Her face matched mine exactly in the features, they just all had neon colors. Before I could say anything, Rein grabbed me with one hand and put the other hard over my mouth, she was sweating a lot.

“Vember.” Rein warned. The neon version of me looked up at Rein’s voice, “Stay away from her.”

“No, we don’t deserve this curse of perfection.” Vember lashed back.

“ It’s not a curse! And it’s not we, it’s you, you don’t deserve the gift of perfection, Emberalia does.”

Vember, the neon me, manically laughed, “Reinbelle-”

“Don’t call me Reinbelle. It’s Keeper to you.”

“Keeper,” she said with a scowl, “Ember and I are the same person, you of all people should be aware of that, we are literally supposed to be one.”

“I gave her the gift of ridding you.” Rein groaned, as if she was just annoyed by the situation at hand.

“You realize, Reinbelle, ridding of shadows isn’t a gift, it’s a curse.”

At the word curse I broke free from Rein’s grasp and ran to another side of the room, “You did curse me!”

An apologetic look fell across her face, “Ember no, I would never do such a thing to you. Ridding of shadows makes you an absolutely perfect person. You will have no flaws. It’s a gift, I swear. It’s just categorized as a curse.”

“Considering the fact I snuck into your house, I completely doubt that I am perfect right now and have absolutely no flaws.”

“You’re right,” Rein admitted, "it takes a year to completely work.”

“Then what is she?” I asked accusingly holding a shaking finder at Vember.

“That’s Vember, your shadow.” Rein attempted to elaborate.

I looked down at the floor, on the opposite side of the one hanging light in the

room that flickered ever so slightly, I pointed to it, “Then what’s that?”

“Blocking of light is all that is. Humans have for some reason called blocking of light shadows. I personally don’t understand it.”

“Are you not human?” I suspiciously questioned.

“Of course I’m a human, I’m a human who’s knowing of the shadows.”

“What is a shadow?”

“That,” Rein pointed a finger at Vember, “is a shadow. She is made out of all your negative traits. In a year, all of your negative traits will be no more and only exist in her. My job, as shadow keeper, is to make sure none of these shadows get out, and no humans find out, other than the keeper in training. Their names all start with V and have the original person’s name mixed with it. So technically, Vember’s real name is Vemberalia.” Vember gave a scowl at the name Vemberalia.

“Why a V?”

“Vile. Vemberalia is the vile version of you.” Rein explained.

So many questions I wanted to ask, so many words I wanted to say. I wanted to thank Rein for taking the bad out of me but also scream at her for taking a bit of me without my permission. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be perfect. I liked who I was. Shockingly enough, all that was able to come out was, “Oh.”

“It’s for the better.” coaxed Rein

Vember grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, “It’s not for the better, if you don’t have me, you have no personality, you have only good. I’m not saying bad is right, but it’s required to live a full life. You need me, I’m you. You wouldn’t lie to yourself no matter how bad your lying problem is. Right?”

I nodded. She lessened her grip off of my arm and let go. I walked over to Rein, “I would like Vemberalia back.”

“She’s lying to you, you know how bad you lie.” Rein exclaimed

“Either let Vember come back or I will.” I bluffed, trying to sound intimidating. I knew I had absolutely no clue how to bring Vemberalia back to me. But maybe, just maybe, Rein might think I have the slightest idea.

“But you’ll be perfect! Don’t you want that?”

“No, I appreciate your kindness, but I don’t want to be perfect, I want to live.”

“I promise, this won’t make you die.”

“That’s not what I mean. Let her.” I demanded of Rein.

“Fine, it’ll hurt though.”

“I know.”

“Fine then, go ahead Vemberalia.” Rein scoffed

Vember gave a soft smile, “Thank you keeper.”

 Rein nodded annoyed, clearly seeming defeated. Vemberalia turned to me,“Okay, Ember, turn so you aren’t facing me.”

I turned my back to Vember and braced myself for whatever pain would come with her. A few seconds passed by, and then I heard fast running toward me, from behind me. I didn’t feel anything touch me, but the place Rein had pinched felt like it had risen up in flames. The pain was so excruciatingly awful. It felt like I was being stabbed, burnt, and stung over and over and over and over again.

While the absolute pain made me want to just crumble up into nothing, I felt a bit more complete.

I passed into a heavy sleep that made me almost sure that I wasn’t going to wake up, but somehow, I managed to.

February 25th

Waking up in my bed, in my home, in my comfort zone, the place I have spilled mindless hours into, I laid, starting deeply into into my ceiling. I didn’t know how I got there, I didn’t care because it didn’t matter, I was home and safe.

***

I trace everything that had happened, how I didn’t realize the suspicions of Aunt Melanie’s basement. Mostly, I just felt comfort in the fact that I’m not perfect, but I have personality. 

I am complete.