Senior Squabble

SENIOR SQUABBLE – by Cheryl Wolf

Did you read the brochure?

I skimmed it.

Oh, so in other words, No.

Yes, I did. I skimmed it.

That’s NOT reading.

Sure it is. I glanced it over.

That’s NOT reading. You miss lots of important parts.

No, I hit all the important parts.

Like what?

What do you mean?

Name ONE important part.

Hmm…. I don’t know.

You don’t KNOW because you SKIMMED IT!

I got the main idea.

So, what’s the main idea?

I don’t remember.

Oh, so you forgot?

No, I didn’t forget. I just don’t remember.

THAT’S THE SAME THING.

No, it’s not. Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. Forgot & don’t remember are EXACTLY the same thing.

No they’re not. Anyway, I got the basic point.

You mean you GOT before you FOR-GOT.

No, I didn’t forget. I just don’t recall at this moment.

That’s the same DAMN thing.

No it’s not. And stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. So you can’t recall ONE basic point?

Not at the moment.

Because you didn’t READ it.

Yes, I did. I skimmed it.

SKIMMING IS NOT READING!

Yes it is. It’s reading more in less time.

Saving TIME sacrifices CONTENT.

No, just the opposite.

Sacrificing CONTENT saves TIME?             

EXACTLY!

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Did you watch the movie?

Yes, I did.

The WHOLE movie?

I saw the trailer.

Oh, so in other words, No.

Yes, I did. I saw the WHOLE trailer.

A TRAILER is NOT a MOVIE. You miss lots of important parts.

No, the trailer shows ALL the important parts.

Those are only HIGHLIGHTS.

Highlights ARE the important parts.

Like what?

What do you mean?

Like what was the plot?

Hmm…. I don’t know.

Because you only saw the TRAILER!

Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. Name ONE important plot point.

I don’t remember.

Oh, so you forgot?

No, I didn’t forget. I just don’t remember.

THAT’S THE SAME THING.

Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. Forgot & don’t remember are PRECISELY the same thing.

No, they’re not.

What’s the difference?

I didn’t FORGET. I just don’t recall at this moment.

THAT’S THE SAME DAMN THING.

No, it’s not. And stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. So you can’t recall ONE single plot point?

Not at the moment.

Because TRAILERS are NOT MOVIES! They cheapen your experience.

No, they don’t. They RAISE my experience. At least my wallet’s.

What does your WALLET have to do with ANYTHING?

Watching FREE trailers instead of PAYING for tickets is like giving my wallet a raise.

Right. Too cheap to buy movie tickets.

No, I’m not. I’m frugal.

CHEAP AND FRUGAL are the same thing.

No, they’re not.

What’s the difference?

Cheap refers to cost. Frugal refers to value.

Well, I’m not buying it.

EXACTLY!

*   *   *    

Did you watch the talk show last night?

Yes, I did.

The WHOLE show?

I saw the monologue.

Oh, so in other words, No.

Yes I did. I saw the monologue.

The MONOLOGUE is NOT the WHOLE show. You missed lots of important parts.

The monologue is the MOST important part. Good jokes.

Tell me one.

One what?

ONE good joke.

Hmm…. I don’t know.

Oh, so you forgot?

No, I didn’t forget. Just don’t remember.

THAT’S THE SAME DAMN THING!

No, it’s not. Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. Forgot & don’t remember are INTERCHANGEABLE.

No they’re not.

What’s the difference?

I didn’t FORGET. I just don’t recall at this moment.

So, who were the featured guests?

Hmm . . . I don’t know.

They’re announced at the end of the monologue. So, you forgot?

No, I didn’t forget.

Wait, DON’T tell me. You just don’t REMEMBER, right?

Wrong! I dozed off.

Oh, so you SLEPT through the monologue?

No, I didn’t SLEEP. Just rested my eyes.

Resting your eyes is SLEEPING.

No, it’s not. It’s DOZING.

DOZING AND SLEEPING ARE THE SAME THING . . . And so is resting your eyes!

No, they’re not.

What’s the difference?

I can still hear jokes with my eyes closed.

So, tell me one.

One what?

ONE JOKE!

Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. Tell me ONE joke from the monologue.

Hmm . . . I don’t know.

Wait, DON’T tell me. You just don’t REMEMBER, right?

Wrong! I remember.

Remember what?

Remember laughing.

What was so funny, then?

Hmm . . . I don’t recall.

Because you DOZED through the MONOLOGUE

No, I didn’t. Just rested my eyes.

That’s the same as SLEEPING.

No, it’s not. I was practicing quiet wakefulness.

More like quiet unconsciousness.

No, it’s not. Besides, closing your eyes boosts memory recall.

So, close your eyes and recall a JOKE, then.

I can’t recall one NOW. But I can recall one LATER.

After resting your eyes?

EXACTLY!

*   *   *    

Did you call the doctor today?

Sure did. First thing this morning.

Did you TALK to him?

Yes, I did.

Well, what did he say?

I left a voice mail.

So, in other words, No.

Yes, I did. I left a message.

That’s NOT talking to him.

Yes it is. I TALKED to him on his answering machine.

No, it’s not. Talking to a MACHINE is NOT the same as TALKING TO HIM.

Yes, just as good. He’ll hear me TALKING when he listens to the MESSAGE.

BUT MACHINES CAN’T ANSWER QUESTIONS!

I didn’t ASK any questions. Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. So what was the message YOU left?

Hmm . . . I don’t know.

Oh, so you forgot?

No, I didn’t forget. Just don’t recall.

You don’t recall what YOU said?

No, but I’ll ask.

Ask who?

Ask HIM when he calls back.

So, you’re going to ASK the doctor what YOU said on his ANSWERING MACHINE?

EXACTLY!

*   *   *   

Did you eat your dinner?

Yes, I did.

EVERYTHING on your plate?

Yes, half of everything.

HALF is not EVERYTHING.

But half IS everything I ate.

No wonder you’re getting thin.

No, I’m not. Doctor said my weight is normal.

So, you finally TALKED to the doctor, then?

Yes, I did.

What did he say?

I left him a voice mail.

So, in other words, NO.

Yes I did. I left him a message.

That’s NOT talking to him.

Yes it is.

No, it’s not. And obviously he couldn’t SAY anything to you.

Yes, he did. Said I have a healthy weight range.

He COULDN’T have SAID that because you didn’t actually TALK to him.

Yes, he did. He posted it on his website.

POSTING IS NOT THE SAME AS TALKING.

Yes it is. Stop yelling. It’s HIS website, so those are HIS words.

WRITTEN words are not the same as SPOKEN words.

Yes, they are. He WROTE his SPOKEN words on the web page.

So, you read the WHOLE page?

Yes, I did. I browsed it.

So, in other words, No.

Yes I did. I browsed over it.

BROWSING is NOT reading. You miss lots of important parts.

No, I didn’t. I scanned the important parts.

Like what?

What do you mean?

Name ONE important part besides the weight chart.

Hmm…. I don’t know.

You don’t know because you ONLY BROWSED IT!

Stop yelling.

I’m NOT yelling. You missed VITAL information.

No I didn’t. I found VITAL information.

Like what?

His office phone number.

HIS PHONE NUMBER?? Wait, let me guess. So you could call and leave a voice mail.

EXACTLY!

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