The thing , I was missing, was Yesterday's me. It is not that awesome as you think.
School is the place where almost everyone does not want to be.
' Being different from others is my speciality.'
I never missed a single day of school till now. I wish, I can go to school even on holidays. I wasn't good enough to be a rank holder. It doesn't matter to me whether others like this or not. One thing I can say about me i.e. I was a complete mess.
"I always worried about being judged. Not find good friends who will stand by your side in the time of your needs.
Not got enough love from the people I really care about. That makes me miserable."
I have my reason to go to school which is making others' lives disgusting.
When you are crazy about your position in any area and having superiority complex, it is really difficult to live in the world where your parents have a ton of expectations from you.
"No matter how hard you try, you will never gonna make it."
My mom used to describe me :
My son is a studious, his eyes is full of dreams, hardwork is in his blood,honest, and charming- but talkative.
So, I have to wear a mask of goodness,honesty, and intelligence in front of her.
But, you know that you have no idea what these words actually mean.
" My real world, where I was the most notorious, No: 1 liar, and person with stone like heart, has no match to her expectations."
I love making the lives of people around me miserable, unwanted,and touture them until their surrenders. Even, my teacher don't want to mess with me.
My mom didn't know that I am getting good marks by cheating and threatening my teachers.
I was like a granite, whose pin is taken out, all the time.
I have no mercy, no respect,and no pain for others.
But, one thing I was born with is determination. I love what I do. No matter how good, hard or how bad it is.
The day, I transformed myself, will be remembered till my last breath.
That day I realised what is the meaning of being lost and the cost of pain you have to pay which is caused by you.
I remember, she was crying in front of me. She was the mother of one of my classmates.
Her son is went missing.
She came to my house looking for me. My mom opened the door.
"Who are you?" She asked.
She told her that she was looking for me.
Tears are dripping from her eyes. There is something which takes her heart away and makes her feel restless. I can fee it.
I was in the lobby. My mom called out my name .
As an obedient son, I responded to her call.
"Do you know her?"
One more question.
"No, I don't know."
"Son, I am the mother of your classmate Tony." She told with a believe.
"Do you remember him?" She asked.
I was shrinking inside.
I was behaving like I never heard of Tony.
She put some extra effort to make me recognise her son.
"As his friends told me , he was last seen with you. That's why I am here. He didn't come home since yesterday. I am worried about him. I am sorry to bother you. But, he is my only hope,My Son!"
She was continuing it, non-stop.
Which make me feel miserable.
"I hope you can help me to find him out, she requested."
Now, my mom's turn.
"Tell her, where is her son?"
"Don't you see her how worried she is."
"I replied that I saw him in the school last time."
"She said she went to school but didn't find him."
Then I realised, actually I locked him in the bathroom. I had a fight with him because he refused to help me with my exams. I was almost going to kill him.
At the mean time, one of my gang member took me out.
Some times by mistake, your bad companion can help you.
I consolidated her mother that I will bring him back.
I called my friends to go with me to school.
We reached there and found him in unconscious state. We took him to the hospital.
At that time, I was more worried about him than her mother. My mind was full of thoughts, what if he didn't gain his consciousness?
What will I replied to her mother that I was reason for the death of your son.
How I will face my mom?
These words are killing me.
I got some relief when doctor gave is information about him that he is out of danger and come back in sense.
I was the first to go inside. I don't know what's wrong with me , I was crying like a child, asking him to forgive me and pleading him not to tell anything to our mothers.
I was in shock after hearing his statement.
"He will not tell anything to anyone even though I didn't ask for."
"I am not helping you with your exams because you are good enough to get more marks than him. Only thing that is missing in you is my direction. If you focus on your studies, noone is going to beat you." He told me.
It makes me lost for a moment.
Noone told these words except my mom.
That day, I promised him to make his words come true.
Me and my friends changed forever.
This remained secret between us.
Starting days of changing myself is difficult to us and quite unbelievable for others.
But I was determined to not let him down. I realised the power of forgiveness.
No one is going to love until you love yourself.
At first you should forgive yourself and then start being the best version of yourself.
Someone said, " Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become."
This is my rule now.