Life in the Fast Lane

There’s something about working at a quick lube that feels like being trapped in a sitcom. The characters are there, the drama unfolds, and you’re just trying to get through the shift without another annoying customer or meltdown from a coworker.

Take my manager, Greg, for example. He’s got this bipolar energy that shifts on a dime. One minute he's cracking jokes, and the next minute he’s having an existential crisis over a car lining up in the wrong bay. You can never predict it, and sometimes, it’s better to just avoid him altogether.

Greg’s quick temper is notorious. It’s not uncommon to hear him muttering something under his breath about a customer or us doing something wrong. Which, let’s face it, we’re always doing something wrong in his eyes. But, here’s the thing: Greg’s got a way with words. His jabs at rude customers? Hilarious. One day, a customer came up to ask Greg a question. It had been raining all morning, and this lady was wearing flip-flops. She asked Greg if she could use a Valvoline coupon, and he flat-out told her no. As she walked away in the rain, Greg muttered, “I bet that’s the only time her feet get washed.” I laughed so hard. He even makes fun of me sometimes, and honestly, sometimes I laugh; other times, I want to punch him.

Then there’s Mike. Mike’s the oldest of the crew, and he takes everything way too personally. It's like watching a grown man get offended by a mild inconvenience five hundred times a day—everyday. Don’t you dare ask him if he needs help, don’t add oil for him, and never ever ask if it’s good to cash out. One day, Steve and I were joking around, and Steve smiled at Mike. Mike got irate and muttered, “Yeah, smile at me.” So yeah, best not to smile at him either to be safe.

Mike’s also painfully slow. We work at a ten-minute oil change business, and when Mike is up next, you know the clock is ticking, but somehow, it still takes him forever. If a car's running behind, he’ll throw a tantrum, tossing wrenches and rags around like a child having a meltdown. There have been plenty of times where Mike and Greg get into heated arguments right in front of customers. It’s like a reality show, but without cameras.

Now, Steve—Steve’s different. He’s younger than all of us, but somehow wiser. He’s got this old soul and knows more about history, cars, and music than anyone I know. After work, he plays guitar in a band. Like, he’s too cool for us. You can always count on Steve for an interesting perspective on just about anything. He’s always ready to launch into a tangent about why Dodge is better than every other car manufacturer or how minor and major chords work. And he’s patient—mostly.

But even Steve has his limits. One time, he was downstairs taking a skid plate off a car when a customer asked me if it was his first time doing that. I told Steve, and he immediately raced up the stairs, shot the customer a look, and went back to work, grumbling about it under his breath. It’s not every day you see Steve lose his cool, but when it happens, it’s quite unsettling.

As for me? I’m just trying to keep my head down and survive the chaos. But, as luck would have it, I’ve also fallen for with one of my coworkers. I’ll spare you the details for now, but let’s just say if you’ve never tried to flirt with someone while covered in oil and trying not to ruin a customer's car, you’re missing out on one of life’s true challenges.

Working with your crush comes with some perks, though. He’s always there to help me if I need it, and he takes the time to show me how to do something—even though we’re both smiling at each other the whole time. It’s a mess waiting to happen, but for now, it’s worth it.

Then there are the customers. We've had some real winners over the years. One time, a guy came in holding two giant jugs of reddish oil, looking like he was ready to start a fight. He was furious, thinking we’d overfilled his girlfriend’s Subaru. After a quick look, we realized that he’d drained the transmission fluid by mistake—thinking it was oil. He felt stupid after that and had to pay us to fix it for him.

And don’t even get me started on the close calls we’ve had with some of the worst drivers. There’s this sense you develop when you work in a place like this. You get this intuition before a customer even pulls up. Like this one day this older lady was pulling into the bay and I knew it was going to be bad. I’m yelling at her to turn the wheel, and thankfully, she turned just in time. But when I walked up to her window to greet her, she was eating an ice cream cone with one hand. Really?

Later, while doing the oil change, I asked for her mileage. She looked at the odometer and said, “I just got my eyes dilated. I can’t see what it says.” I rolled my eyes. She shouldn’t even be driving, no wonder she about dropped into the pit.

Then there’s the customer who threatened to file a police report against Steve because he thought Steve had stolen his engine cover. We reviewed the security footage and realized the car never even had an engine cover to begin with. So now we joke with Steve, asking if he wants to add another engine cover to his collection at home. It’s funny now, but some people are wild.

And don’t even get me started on the rude, cheap customers. We’ve had people argue about the price of oil changes like it’s the end of the world. It’s funny how some of these folks are convinced they know more about cars than we do, even though they couldn’t change a tire if their life depended on it. Not to mention the obvious, they are having us to change their oil because most wouldn't know the first step.

So yeah, that’s my job. A weird blend of automotive repair, personality collisions, and customers who think they’re better than us. Welcome to the world of oil changes, where you’re just as likely to have a profound conversation about life as you are to hear someone scream about the price of windshield wipers.