My dad and I

It always comes back to me, I can't even sleep at night. Why me? Why can't I ever stay away from it? It hurts! 

It all started when I was 3. My parents were already split up. I lived with my mom most of the time but every second weekend I went to see my dad. I don't like him at all. He hurt me a lot and sometimes to the point where I had marks for weeks. It's really scary going there because I don't know what's going to happen next or what he's going to do to me. 

”Kasey?” Mom yelled out trying to find me. ”I don't want to go!” I yelled out, ”I’ll miss you too much.” I added on. ”I know you will Sweetie but it’ll only be for a few days.” She said. I nod and come out from where I was hiding. ”Only a few days, right? You'll always come back?” I asked. ”Of course honey, I won't ever leave you.” I nod and give her a big hug before we leave. We both walk out of our house and into the car. I'm really not ready for the weekend. As we’re driving I look out the window, feeling the nice breeze on my face. I begin to almost cry thinking about where I’m about to go. I’m scared I won’t make it out this time but mom said she’ll always come back for me and I have to trust that. I still can't stop thinking about not being able to make it out. I let out a big sigh and think, "Just a few days." The car comes to a stop. "We're here honey." I start to shake while getting out of the car. I walk up to his door and knock. He opens the door and looks at my mom while hugging me and letting me in. He closes the door behind him as I turn around and look at him. I begin to stutter "H-Hi dad." I turn back around and start to head up to my room. I closed the door behind me and lay in my bed, as soon as I started to lay down I began to cry. I try to stay silent about it. It's not working. My dad hears me crying, and comes up into my room and stares at me. I look at him and sniffle. He comes up to me and slaps me across the face, "How dare you tell your mother that you're scared to come here!' He shouted. I hold my face and cry harder, "I-I'm so sorry daddy!" I shout back. He didn't like that, he slapped me again. "Don't you f****** dare yell at me again!" I nod and cry as hard as I can. It hurts! It hurts so bad, I feel extremely useless against him. Please let the weekend go by fast, please. I'm not going to be able to handle much more. Two slaps and I'm already bawling. Why me? I stay up in my room for the rest of the night starving. He refuses to feed me, what did I ever do wrong? I can't keep this tough act up forever. The night slowly passes by as I stay up every hour looking up at the ceiling and silently crying hoping not to wake everyone up. No one else in this house gets treated the way I do, so why me? I feel like my whole family hates me.. Like they never wanted me in the first place. I want to be in a family who loves me not beat me up and hates me! I hate it here! 

I cry myself to sleep in the morning and wake up a few hours later. I walk out of my room and see my dad on the couch, “Good morning b****” He says while looking at me. “Morning daddy.” I answer while looking into the fridge for something to eat. I pull out a jar of pickles and accidentally drop it. “What the f*** were you thinking?!” He shouts. That’s the thing, I wasn't thinking. “I-I’m sorry da-” I get cut off with a slap across the cheek. “Go to your room, now!” He continues to shout as I walk to my room. “You’re so useless! You can't do anything right here! I never wanted you in the first place!” He shouted while I was in my room. “That hurts so much to hear, my own daddy doesnt want me.” I think while holding my cheek. I lay in bed wondering what I did to get here in the first place. I let out a big sigh and began to cry.  “It hurts! I can't do this anymore.” I thought, It’s not like he would care anyways. I come out of my room a few hours after and go up to my dad. “Hey daddy, I’m sorry for dropping the jar of pickles,” I say.

He looks at me while drinking a bottle of beer. “don't care. You were never meant to be born anyways.” It hurt a lot to hear that come out of my own father's mouth. Was I ever wanted? What did I do to deserve this? I nod and look down, maybe he’s just drunk? He could just be saying that to tear me down? I don’t know but I’m starting to feel really unsafe. Dad noticed I was still in front of him, “What the f*** Are you still doing this?! Leave!” He shouts. “I-Im sorry daddy but no! I’m not leaving until you apologize for everything you said to me!” I say He gets up and slaps me. “Leave!” He shouts as loud as he can. “No!” I scream. I look up at him, as soon as he looks down at me he scoffs and pushes me to the floor. I tumble to the ground and he walks to his room. He forgets his phone in the living room and so I grab it and call my mom. “Mommy? Please come and get me. He’s hurting me” I say quietly so he doesn’t hear me. “I’m on my way baby, try to stay safe, The police will be coming too.” She hangs up after saying that. I turn around and my dad is behind me. My eyes begin to tear up as I look up at him. He snatched the phone away from me and punched my stomach. I begin to cry then hear Sirens. I smile and hear a knock on the door. Dad opens the door and it's my mom, she looks behind him and sees me on the floor. Mom pushes through my dad and goes to me. “Baby! Are you okay?!” She asks worried. “Yes mommy, I'm fine. He hurt me a lot though,” I replied. She holds me close as I see my dad getting arrested from behind her shoulder. I smile and grip her as she picks me up and goes to her car. “Bye Bye Daddy” I say to myself.