City Dreams

 The bus was fully packed with people. Bodhi can smell the sweat lingers on their clothes. The smell of cow dung on their fingernails. There were mostly male inside the bus. She can feel the eyes of the men looking at her. Scanning her, trying to pinpoint from which village she is from. Where must be her husband? Where she is going alone?

Bodhi can feel the bile rise at the back of her throat. It is the cheap petrol. It was three years back since she traveled last time. The day she came to this place. Three years had passed, still, it seems like a new place for her. The roads and mountains looking suspiciously at her. As if they are questioning her why she came here? Why? The answer she also didn’t know when she landed in the place. But now she knows what to do. Now there is no going back.

She walked down from the bus. As it moves forward the black cloud of smoke makes her dizzy. She couldn't control the rising bile. And the next thing only blackness in front of her eyes.

*****************

Anantram came back home from the field. The house didn’t feel warm to him. He puts the wood on the fire and makes tea for himself. He kept aside one glass for his wife. He doesn’t see her anywhere. Maybe she had gone out to her friend's place. He eats last night flatbread with some onions and butter.

Anantram came back, working all day in the field. This year the number of grains was good. He can buy gold earrings for her. She would like it. The last time he bought her a teddy. How stupid of him to thought she would play with it? It was Bhushan who advised him to buy it for her. 

Girls in the city only love two things, one is teddy and one is chocolate. Even I gifted my girlfriend teddy and she was on cloud nine. And after that she allowed me to do everything. He doesn’t want anything, only her happiness. After all, it was his duty to make her happy.

***************

A foul smell snuggles up inside the back of her nose. She can hear lots of murmur voices. Slowly she opens her eyes only to be clouded with white color. The height of the room was large with a dusted fan above her head. It makes a noise every time it completes a rotation. She is in a hospital. A nurse with a flat face came across her.

“How are you now?” she asks with a flat voice.

“Better,” she answers with one word to avoid any further conversation.

“I have to go now,” she says, rising up sharply. Anger clouds the nurse's face.

“You should be careful. There is a life inside you. Such rising up sharply might harm the child.” she says.

Bodhi couldn’t hear the murmur of voices. Only silence filled her ears. As if the whole world has gone silent. The people moving in and out, their lips parting and uttering a word but she couldn’t hear any voice.

After a few minutes, she came back into realization. She picks up her bag striding out. This is not what should happen. Why? Why every time? She asks looking up in the sky. Pushing back the tears she walks toward the ticket counter.

“One ticket for Delhi station,” she says.

She glances at the ticket, it was 2 am in the afternoon. Three hours are still left. She takes a seat inside the station as the trains are departing away. Soon she will be inside of it. Far away from here. From this life. She will soon find herself a job in the city. City. That's where she always belong. How she always wanted to work in the city and marry someone of her status?

A man with a teddy and balloons approaches the children in the station. Selling them to the traveler inside the train. There were lots of colored ones making the children awestruck. There was a pink teddy that caught the attention of Bodhi. She walks toward him and asks “How much for this?”

The man looks at the teddy on which Bodhi pointed her fingers. He smiles and says “Fine choice madam. It is 500. Shall I tear it for you?” he asks, raising his hand at it.

“No, no I don’t need it,” Bodhi says, taking her seatbacks. A quick flash of anger appears on his face. “Such a time-waster,” the man murmurs slowly but Bodhi hears it clearly.

500. It is a huge amount of money for a man like Anantram. How could he manage to save it and buy the teddy for her? He rarely gets 100 in a month. Sometimes all he gets is the food for them with no money. She remembers clearly the day. It was their one year anniversary. He bought a gift for her.

It was a surprise for her. She didn’t imagine getting a gift for her seeing his monthly income. It was a small pink teddy wrapped in a glittery navy blue wrapper and a red bow tying it. It was soft as feathers. She didn’t question him. She realizes now that she rarely exchanged words with him. All she did was waking up, cooking, cleaning, and sleeping. She even asks him to work in the field so that their condition improves.

But he denied it. “No” that's one word he uttered and she didn’t ask him another time. The gaps between them grew more and more as the day passed. A small drop of tears rolled into the left corner of her eyes. She put a hand on the right side but it was empty. Her bag. It was gone. She looks under the seat. She walks back toward the place where she was there. Nothing. It was gone. All the money and ticket was gone. How could be she so careless? She had kept the changes from the bus ticket into her blouse. That was the money she had left now.

*************

A day passed and there was no sign of her. “Just Relax, she must have gone to the market,” Bhushan says.

“Market? She didn’t even know where the market was. I buy whole groceries. ”

“She doesn't know the roads of the village,” Anantram says, his voice breaking.

“We will go tomorrow morning. Right now, the station will be closed,” Bhushan says standing up.

Tomorrow morning seems like a year for Anantram. He tries to remember if she had ever mentioned to him about anywhere she will be going? Anything she might have hinted. There was nothing. She had only exchanged a word with him ten times only. Within a span of two years, they had only shared words with each other ten times.

The last time when was it? He remembers after a few minutes. It was about working in the fields. He clearly didn't earn much. But letting her work in the field that thoughts never come across into his mind. She didn’t even know anything about the work. How can he be so cruel? Her soft hands were not meant to work in the field. Standing all day under the sun.

He didn’t even know much about her. He knows she comes from the city. It might be difficult for her to adjust to village life. How envious every boy in the village was when they knew we were getting married. He didn’t even see her. It was only on the wedding night he got to see her beautiful moon face. Her eyes twinkling like stars. Her soft pink lips. The room glows as I reveal her face. But it was not the twinkle it was a teardrop that reflected as he looked closely. Had he done something wrong? He wondered the whole night.

And after a month her health worsened. He brought the midwife and doctor of our village to check her. She came back with a mournful face. His heartbeats stopped for a second. “What is it?” he asks her. “How is she?” he couldn’t control himself.

“I am sorry my child. But it was too late,” she says. Too late. How stupid of him to wait for two days. He should have called her immediately. “If you would have called me earlier. I might save your child. Just don’t lose hope. God has planned everything.” She says and walks away.

“Child. Your child.” The words echo inside Anantram’s ears. “Child,” the word seems too foreign to him to even utter. “How is it possible? They hadn’t done anything.” he thought.

Then everything comes clear to him. Why were her parents so hasty about the wedding? The envious look of the men was not envious rather it was distasteful. The distaste of marrying a woman with another man child inside her.

He was angry and confused. This grows the gap between them. But one night in the monsoon. The tables changed. It might be in the air. She made the move at him. Even he was aching for her. To hold her in his arms. That night as the rain shatters on the window. They grow closer and become one. They were perfect for each other. How well they had fitted into each other's arms.

Anantram thought she had started to open up. But he was wrong? The next morning it was the same awkwardness between them. It goes on like that. The rain never comes back. They never become one after that.

***************88

As Atmaram came back after filing a complaint, the door of his house was open. He had locked it before walking away. He walks inside, he found Bodhi snuggling up into a fetus position in the bed. Her body shakes violently as he hears her whimpers. He got relief. She is at home. She is safe. He puts a palm on her leg. She moved back with the touch. And the next thing he knows she hugs him. As if her life depends on him. Anantram didn’t move an inch. He strokes her back, his shirt was now wet.

“Shhh.. It’s okay. You are home now,” he says.

“I lost my bag,” Bodhi says between her whimpers.

Anantram chuckles hearing it. “Bag” he repeats. “I will buy it for you,” he says as he remembers the money he had saved for the jewelry.

**************

The pregnancy brings them closer. Anantram works all day in the field. Now his family is becoming from two to three. He can’t rest. He needs to work. Bodhi looks into her textbook solving the maths question from the book Anantram had bought for her. The exam was 5 months away and she had to work hard for it. Bodhi had decided to clear the clerk exam and work in the district office. She will be closer to her family and will also be able to work.

As the night grows Anantram prepares the dinner and brings it with a glass of milk. He shuts the book and keeps it away. “You will clear the exam, I know,” he says as he kisses her baby bump. A kick from the baby agreeing with him. The laughter fills the room as they eat their food.