Unlucky

Exams were around the corner and I knew whatever good was happening in my life was going to end soon. Exams were my sworn enemy, I could never ace them, no matter how hard I studied, it was like an enemy that taunted me but someone I could never defeat.

But I knew no matter how much hate I held for exams, I had to study and prepare as much as I could. Even though we hate our enemies and desire their destruction, mere wishing doesn't work, it requires preparation and a battle strategy.

So I set out to chart my own battle strategy, I saw exams as no less than a war, a war of survival, an enemy I couldn't afford to loose from, because loosing meant my annihilation!

I prepared a timetable, my most important battle strategy. I went through my syllabus and tried to understand which subjects would require more attention, I was good in some subjects but then there were subjects that eluded me, I failed to grasp their basic concepts and these I knew I had to give more time.

After a lot of rework, I finally had a timetable that best fit my needs, I was sure this was the best way to study. I set out to study, keeping a timer nearby that would remind me to not waste a single minute and stick to my schedule.

But there was something missing, something I wasn't able to pinpoint exactly. I thought hard, unable to concentrate, it was bothering me and still I was unable to recall, what exactly was it that I had forgotten!

I couldn't concentrate on the book in my hand, the text seemed distant, my mind was still occupied with the thought of what I was missing and despite glancing around the room and trying to desperately recall what it was, I failed to understand it.

Then it suddenly struck me, I was missing my lucky pen!, that was the pen my mother had given me on my 14th birthday, it's blue and silver design had struck me with wonder but the way it wrote was what amazed me the most!

So I got up and searched around the room, I wasn't going to study without my lucky pen and studies could wait till it was found. But careless me had kept it somewhere and I couldn't seem to find it.

I checked all the drawers but there was no sign of it there. Searched every corner of the bag but still it remained missing, my mind started wondering when was the last time I had used it but the problem was that I only took it out during exams and it had been a year since I had used it.

I sighed, I was tired of searching, my back threatened to give away. So I did what any reasonable person would, I collapsed on my bed exhausted, I kept thinking about how lucky the pen had proved to be for me and how it boosted my confidence during exams.

I turned around, something inside me told me to search for it in the drawer again, maybe I had missed it. I got up, there was no harm in checking again and to my surprise it was there in the drawer, I couldn't believe my eyes, how could I have missed it?!

But a sense of relief washed over me, it didn't matter how or why I had missed it, all that I cared about was that I had found it and I vowed to myself that this time I would keep it safe, after all it was my lucky charm!

With a clear mind, free of worry from searching for my pen, I sat down to study. The text no longer felt distant, I could clearly grasp what was written and slowly I was able to finish going through most of the book, I had started to feel a bit of confidence in my self.

There was a week left for exams, the thing I dreaded the most, my most hated part of the year was just a week away but I was not sick with worry because I felt confident in my preparation, there was nothing that was stopping me from conquering the exams!

And as I was brimming with confidence, disaster struck!, why is that when you feel confident in life, when you feel you have the ability to overcome whatever challenges life throws at you, is when you are overtaken by misery?

My lucky pen went missing and searching for it proved futile. I wasn't as lucky as before, it wasn't in the drawer or anywhere nearby, it had disappeared without a trace, leaving me shattered.

My mind raced, unable to recall where it was. I turned the house upside down, there was not a single place I left but still my lucky pen was missing, a part of me felt I was being punished but I couldn't recall my sin.

I tried to compose myself, if I lost my calm, I wouldn't have any strength or the mental clarity to recall or search any further. I sat down, trying hard to think where could I have kept it but no matter how hard I thought, I couldn't recall where it could be.

Instead, memories began to flood my mind, making my task of remembering where I had kept it even harder. The day my mother had gifted me that pen, my smile as I held it, how happy I felt as I wrote with it, all these memories pierced my soul.

Tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted to break down crying but then I thought how pathetic I would look sitting on my bed and simply crying. Also, I didn't want to make my mother worry, she would think the exam pressure was eating me up.

So I controlled my emotions and searched for the pen again, being careful to not leave any corner untouched. It was a small thing, it could have been anywhere, I could have dropped it accidently and not even noticed it.

Again my search proved futile, it was nowhere to be found, I was exhausted, I had reached my breaking point and I just wanted to lie on my bed and break down crying. But despite the raging storm inside me, I returned back to my studies.

I had planned to revise and I couldn't afford to waste my time. The week went by just like that and my pen still remained missing, at one point I even felt like just printing out a bunch of posters for my missing pen and distributing them out to everyone in the neighborhood!

As I wrote the last exam, I felt as if it was a monster that had almost consumed me, I no longer felt confident in myself and was just glad that it was finally over. As I came back to my room, like a defeated warrior returning from a lost battle, I decided to write in my diary, I just wanted to vent out all my frustration. As I opened it, something fell out, I bent down to pick it up and my eyes widened in surprise, there it was lying on the floor with it's blue and silver design shining under the light, my lucky pen had been found but it was already late.