Heart of Light

It was in the middle of the night when I took a stroll around the lake near my house. I could not sleep at all that night. Nearing the west side of the lake, a huge boulder came into my view. It was our favorite place to sit and look up at the sky. It was large enough for two adults to lay on their back on top of it. I climbed up on the huge boulder and I lay down on my back, watching the stars light festival as the calmness of the place surrounded me. 

As I was looking at the stars above, I remembered what my father told me before when I was ten years old, a few months before he passed away due to lung cancer . We were looking up to the sky as we always do when the sky is clear. He would point out to me the constellations and the stories behind it. That one day, he moved his head to look at me.

“Em, did you know where our souls would be when we passed away?” He asked me and I looked at him in confusion. He never asked me these kinds of questions before. If he did ask me anything, it would be to brush up my knowledge of the constellations and the stories of it. 

“No, Dad. Why do you ask me this?” He looked at me with sad, tired eyes. I was really confused and uneasy with this new look that I am seeing on his face. He never showed me these expressions before. But then, he immediately changed his expression and smiled at me lovingly before turning his head back to see the clear stars filled sky. 

“When a person dies, his soul will linger on Earth for a period of time to visit his loved ones. After he was satisfied with it, his soul would be lifted to the sky and turned into a star. That way, he can always watch over his loved ones and be their guide.” I moved my body so that I could sit down facing my father who’s still laying on his back.

“How would you know this Dad?” He smiled at me, moved up to sit and pulled me to sit closer to him. He rested his right arm on my shoulders.

“My father told me this when I was your age, Em. He said to me that when a soul becomes a star, it will remain there until the end of time and when the time comes to reunite with its family in the afterlife, they will ascend together to heaven and live their happy life there forever. When I am gone, I will become a star too and I will watch over you, guide you, comfort you in your sadness and cheer you in your joy and success.” My eyes started to tear up. I know in my heart something is not right and he knows that I know. I stared at him and pleaded silently for an answer.

“I got cancer. Lung cancer to be exact.” He gave a weak and sad smile. I gasped in shock. My mind keeps saying that this is impossible. It can't be true. That this is just a prank, a lie, a joke. But seeing tears falling down his cheeks, I knew then that it was the truth and that was when my tears fell like rivers, crashing on my cheeks, none stopped. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and cried my heart out. I felt his tears, on top of my head as he cried, hugging me with his dear life. I silently scream in my heart, ‘I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to leave me. I only have you in this world.’ He then pulled away from me and gently held me by my shoulder. I keep my heads down as I cannot bear to look at him.

“Em, look at me.” I shake my head, refusing to look up. With a gentle and sorrowful voice, he called to me again. “Em, baby. Please look at me. Please.” My heart sank hearing his voice. I could tell that he was still crying. I slowly look at him with tears still falling down my cheeks. He took a shaky breath and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

“Oh my dear sweet, beautiful baby. I love you so much. I have loved you since the day you were born. You were always such a happy and lovely girl. I am so blessed to have you as my daughter and I would give everything that I have to have you as my daughter a million lifetime over and over again. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you this earlier. I can’t bring myself to tell you this and wipe that smile off your face. But I can’t keep it any longer than I have. I don’t have much time left and I need you to know so that you wouldn’t be shocked. I am so sorry baby. I am so sorry that I had to leave you. I am sorry for everything.” He cried harder and harder, as did I. 

“Dad, don’t leave me. I don’t have anyone else. Please don’t leave me.” He pulled me in his arms again and held me as I cried again.

“I’m not leaving you. Remember what I just told you of the stars? I will always look after you from up there. Whenever you need me, just look for me in the sky and talk to me. I will always be there to listen to you, guide you, laugh at your silly jokes, cry with you when you are upset but preferable not over a guy. I forbid you to have a boyfriend until you are 20 at least. I will be in every step of the way that you chose. I will always be in your heart, mind and in the sky. Do you understand me? I will never leave you. Never.”

That night, we both cried our sorrow out. After that, we make sure every moment is spent as best as we can, with so much happiness and laughter that all thoughts of sadness have gone temporarily from our minds. However, a couple weeks later, he collapsed. He was placed in the Intensive Care Unit and after a week there, he left me and ascended to heaven. 

For several weeks, I cried and mourned for my beloved father and best friend. I have lived alone since as my father has left me a huge fortune and he had me emancipated earlier. He didn’t want me to go through the adoption system. At first it was hard but over time, it got easier for me to wake up without crying, to get up and go to school, have friends for sleepovers at my house.

Now, I am at the age of twenty two. I just started my own book cafe. My father and I have always talked about it before he died. It was a big hit since it was situated near a popular college, the cafe is always filled with students and lecturers. As I was reminiscing the past, I heard footsteps getting near me and then I felt someone hold me from behind.

“What are you doing here? It’s cold outside. Come on, let's get inside where it is warmer. I’ll make you Hot Chocolate, just the way you like it.” I smiled as Jason, my fiance, held me close to his chest.

“Just a few more minutes.” I closed my eyes and lay my head on his broad chest. I felt warm and comfortable in his arms. I heard him chuckle.

“Okay. Just a few more minutes.” So we sat there for another ten minutes, gazing up to the stars, admiring its beauty and for me to silently tell my stories to my father because I know he is there, watching and smiling down at me.