Fairy Godmothers

Fairy Godmothers

by

Burt Sage

“You’re a fairy godmother, aren’t you?” Ray asks.

“How could you tell?” Ruby asks sarcastically.

“Well, the dress and the magic wand kind of gave you away,” Ray replies.

Looking Ray up and down, Ruby says, “You’re not a sorcerer. This is a sorcerer’s convention. How come they let you in?”

“I really don’t know how I got here,” Ray replies. “I just suddenly found myself here. Kind of like the orchestral music you hear on TV as a detective investigates a dark alley looking for a perp. That music is just there. I’m just here.”

“OK, I get that,” Ruby says. “That kind of thing happens a lot in my line of work. Why are you here?”

“The writer wants me here,” Ray replies. “He’s writing a short story in response to a Reedsy prompt about the point of view of a fairy tale character. The character he’s chosen is a fairy godmother.”

Ruby nods approvingly. “Sounds good to me. How can I help?”

“I want to know what it’s like to be a fairy godmother,” Ray says. “It looks and sounds like a fun job. You know, getting to do all that magic.”

“Well, I can tell you that it’s much more than what you see in the movies,” Ruby says. “What you see there is all sugar and spice and everything nice. That’s the fun part. There’s a lot more to it than that, the part you don’t see.”

“I was pretty sure that was the case,” Ray says. “That’s why the writer wanted me here, to learn what you do. And I must say I couldn’t have found a more attractive fairy godmother. You’re stunning!”

“Thank you, I think,” Ruby says. “But this isn’t a bar, and I’m not interested in being picked up.”

“OK,” Ray shrugs. “Just business. Could you start with some of the fundamentals? Like, how does your magic wand work?”

“Good,” Ruby says. “We’ll start there. But cut out the boy/girl stuff, OK?

First of all, fairy godmothers have a budget,” Ruby begins. “It’s an energy budget; money is a rare commodity in most of the fairy tales where I work. That energy is stored in my magic wand. And we have pretty strict rules on how the energy is used. You see, energy is conserved. If you use more than you have in your budget, you have to pay it back. Sometimes that means going without, I mean not doing something else you had planned to do, or were working on.”

“How does the energy get in your magic wand?” Ray asks.

“It’s distributed by Boniface, our chief fairy godmother. I really don’t know how it actually gets there. It’s just there when I need it. But it does run out every now and then.”

“You have a chief fairy godmother?” Ray asks, surprised.

“Yes,” Ruby says. “I’m a member of the FGA, or the Fairy Godmothers Association. There are hundreds of us, spread out across the expansive fictional literature landscape. And being a fairy godmother is just one of our many roles. We sorcerers are there where-ever and when-ever magic is needed. Our job is to actually make happen what fiction writers of fairy tales describe in their stories. Boniface gives out assignments and provides the resources so that the things that writers describe can happen.

As you have already suggested, ours is an interesting job. Just think of all the unusual things that happen in fairy tales. I mean, have you ever thought about creating a yellow brick road? It took a lot of planning and energy making and laying all those bricks. And that Emerald City? A huge undertaking! It took a team of us to do that.”

“Do you have a specialty?” Ray asks. “You just described making things. Is that most of what you do? Or do you do other things as well, for example, making stuff appear or disappear, or change shape, or appearance?”

“I do whatever the writer asks me to do and Boniface gives me the resources to do,” Ruby answers. “All of my assignments have been interesting, and require me to do many different things. A lot of what I do is planned according to what the writer of the fairy tale wants to have happen. But writers don’t anticipate everything. I do a lot of fill-in for the unexpected things that happen.

Why don’t I give you an example, a fairy tale that I worked in that lets you see me in action. That would be Cinderella.”

“That would be great,” Ray says.

“It all started simple enough,” Ruby begins. “Boniface called me and says that Perrault is writing about a young girl who wanted a dream to come true. Seems she had a pretty nasty family, and wanted to do something wonderful one night that would give her a memory to live by. Just one night. That was all she asked for in her prayers. Boniface wanted her wish to come true.

In her little kingdom the King was throwing a ball for his son, Prince Charming. Cinderella wanted to go, and have at least one dance with the Prince. But she had nothing to wear, and no means of transportation to get to and from the ball. So Boniface asked me to make it happen.”

“She didn’t tell you how to do it? She only told you what to do?” Ray asks. “That gives you a lot of freedom to operate.”

“It sure does,” Ruby replies. “And we need that freedom. We fairy godmothers can’t make something out of nothing, so we have to use whatever materials there are at hand. Cinderella had an old dress that her mother wore, and there were some ribbons and thread, so I used those materials. And there had to be a means to convert that dress into a suitable evening gown, so I recruited a pair of mice to help her. As far as transportation was concerned, there was a big pumpkin that could serve as a coach, and plenty of other farm animals to serve as horses and appropriate personnel. The energy investment seemed reasonable given the budget that Boniface gave me, so I thought it would be a pretty routine assignment.

Boy, was I wrong! I gave the mice the skills of a seamstress, and with the materials at hand they made a beautiful evening gown for Cinderella.

But her evil stepsisters found out what I had done and ripped that gown to shreds.”

“I see what you mean about having to react to situations as they occur,” Ray says. “There wasn’t any warning in the story that the stepsisters would do that?”

“The only hint was that they didn’t like Cinderella and were mean to her,” Ruby says. “But there was nothing to indicate that level of meanness.”

“What did you do?” Ray asks.

“I scrambled,” Ruby replies. “There were only a few hours to go and Cinderella had no gown. Fortunately there were some lovely flowers on a vine outside the house, and it would be relatively easy to convert those into a gown. So when Cinderella ran out of the house in tears because her dress had been ruined, I waved my magic wand and made her another gown from those flowers.

The story was now back on the original plan, so I took those mice and some dogs and the pumpkin and made her a lovely four horse carriage complete with footmen. Cinderella was absolutely amazed at what I had done, and wondered how it all could happen. I told her that it wasn’t forever, that it was only for tonight, to grant her her wish of going to the ball. I told her that at midnight the spell would end, and that things would return to the way they were before I entered the picture. So she had better leave the ball before midnight. She says she understood, and would leave on time. Off to the ball she went.”

“Sounds like a job well done,” Ray says.

“Thank you,” Ruby says. “I’ve been in worse situations. As far as this story was concerned, I was over budget, having to convert some flowers into a gown that wasn’t in the original plan. I was hoping that nothing else would go wrong; that she would heed my warning about midnight.

I called Boniface to tell her that I was a little over budget and how it happened, and she says that was OK, that there was a slush budget for just these kinds of circumstances and she would recharge my magic wand so Cinderella could finish her dream.

All went smoothly for a couple of hours. But around eleven in the evening I started to get worried. That one dance that Cinderella was hoping to have with Prince Charming was turning into a dance marathon. They couldn’t stop dancing with each other. They even kissed. I was sure she had no idea what time it was.

Fortunately Perrault included a big clock that slowly started to strike midnight. On about the third chime Cinderella woke up from the Prince-Charming-induced trance and realized what was going to happen. She ran out of the palace and was on the steps leading to her carriage when the final chime from the clock was heard.”

“You’re scrambling again, aren’t you?” Ray asks.

“I had no idea what to do,” Ruby says. “I certainly didn’t have the energy in my magic wand to let the spell continue. I could have taken some from the Oz account, but if I did that there was no way Dorothy and Toto would ever make it back to Kansas.

I felt so sorry for Cinderella. I just couldn’t let Prince Charming see the transformation. I knew he liked her, and I didn’t want him to find her this way.”

“So what did you do?” Ray asks.

“Perrault saved me,” Ruby says. “Most of the time the writer comes to the rescue of his story. His use of the glass slipper was a stroke of genius. It didn’t take that much energy, so I sent Prince Charming down a wrong hall to give Cinderella a chance to make her escape without Prince Charming seeing her. The energy left in my magic wand was approaching zero when I allowed that slipper to remain. And I made sure that Prince Charming found it.”

“So you’re back again on the main story line?” Ray asks.

“Yes,” Ruby answers. “Prince Charming turned out to be a pretty persistent guy. I didn’t have much to do as he went from house to house to hovel to hovel trying to find the foot that would fit that slipper. But Perrault slipped up. There were several times when I realized that a young maiden, not Cinderella, had a foot that would fit the slipper. So when Prince Charming came to one of those houses, I used the last bit of energy in my magic wand to induce a bit of edema in that foot so that the slipper wouldn’t fit. I have no idea why Perrault didn’t realize that Cinderella wouldn’t be the only maiden in the kingdom with a foot that would fit into that slipper.”

“Well done,” Ray says. “Is there anything else?”

“That’s mostly it,” Ruby replies. “The fairly tale was over. The prince had found Cinderella and everybody lived happily ever after. Well, everyone but Cinderella’s nasty family. They got what they deserved.”

“Beautiful,” Ray says. “You certainly know your business. Will you join me for a drink? Your convention has an open bar.”

“Are you also going to ask me if I want to see your etchings later?” Ruby asks, sarcastically. “Remember, I’m not interested in that kind of thing. We fairy godmothers are pure.”

“I should have guessed,” Ray replies sadly. “OK, I’ll lay off the flirting. Actually, you have made your job sound so interesting that I think I would like to join your crew. You say that there were quite a number of fairy godmothers. Are there any fairy godfathers?”

“I’ve never thought about that,” Ruby says. “I’ll have to go find Boniface and ask her. She’s around here somewhere. You wait here.”

Shortly Ruby returns with Boniface and introduces her to Ray. Then Ruby says, “Ray wants to know if he can become a fairy godfather. Do you think that would be possible?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Boniface slowly replies. Turning to Ray, she asks, “What specifically do you have in mind. There are many different types of sorcerers here. Might you prefer to be a genie? That’s more of a guy thing.”

Ray doesn’t answer.

“Did you hear me? Boniface asks.

“Yes, I heard you,” Ray answers. “But I’m getting strange vibes from the writer who asked me to come here. It’s like he doesn’t like where the story is headed right now, and thinks he has a writer’s block and doesn’t have any ideas about how to finish it.”

“Well, if he doesn’t know what he wants to have happen, we either have to wait until the block clears or go do something else,” Boniface replies. “It’s an occupational hazard we sorcerers face quite often.”

Then Boniface asks,” What do you know about the writer?”

“He’s a novice,” Ray replies. “Isn’t that experienced as a writer. He’s only been writing fiction for about a year and hasn’t written that much.”

“And he doesn’t know how to finish the story?” Ruby asks.

“Apparently not,” Boniface says.

“Then why don’t we finish it for him?” Ruby asks. “We can show the writer how writers and their characters sometimes work together to tell a story.”

“That’s a great idea,” Boniface replies. “Indeed. Why not? We characters help our writers in other ways. Why not this way. Any ideas?”

“Well,” Ruby says, “We know that Ray wants to be a fairy godfather. How about that?”

“Too risky,” Boniface says. “We can’t give him that much power.”

“Then how about granting me a wish?” Ray asks. “That’s something you fairy godmothers do.”

“Hmmmm, not bad,” Boniface replies. “What do you think, Ruby?”

“I think it’s a great idea,” Ruby says smugly. “There are a number of things that I would wish for Ray. How about zits?”

“Awww—come on, Ruby,” Ray interjects. “I was just having fun.”

“Has Ray been mean?” Boniface asks.

“Not mean. Just a typical lecherous male,” Ruby replies.

“What’s something you would wish for?” Boniface asks Ray.

“Not particularly interested in zits,” Ray replies. “But there is something that I would like.”

“What would that be?” Boniface asks.

Ray smiles. “I wish that every woman that I find attractive would also find me attractive, and want to have sex with me.”

Ruby grunts. “Typical male wish!”

Speaking to Boniface, she says, “Now I know why you didn’t want to give him the power of being a fairy godfather.”

“Actually,” Boniface replies with a wink towards Ruby, “I think that’s a good wish.” Turning to Ray, she asks, “Are you sure about that wish? I’ll grant it if that’s what you want. Once it’s granted, though, you’ll return to where you were before you found yourself here at the convention.”

“You would really grant me that wish?” Ray asks, amazed. “Going back is fine.”

“You must realize that Ruby and all the other beautiful fairy godmothers you have been ogling here won’t be there,” Boniface warns.

“That’s OK,” Ray replies eagerly. “There are plenty of attractive women back where I came from. I’m ready.”

“OK,” Boniface replies. “All you have to do is say ‘do it’. But I need to warn you that if you ever want the wish rescinded, you’ll have to apologize and beg.”

“There’s no way I would ever want that wish rescinded,” Ray answers without hesitation. “Just do it.”

The wish is granted and Ray is transported back.

“You actually granted him that wish?” Ruby asks, surprised and a bit put out. “He didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

“You didn’t catch my wink?” Boniface asks. “Don’t worry. Before we know it he’ll be begging me to rescind that wish.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Ruby says. “How can you be so sure?”

“All men are delusional about their sexual prowess,” Boniface says. “He’ll find a sex-loving girl who’ll make him wish he’d never been born.”

Ruby laughs. “Beautiful! I didn’t see that coming. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

They both laugh. Then Boniface says, “That was fun. I love granting people their wishes, especially when there’s an intended but unexpected consequence.

By the way,” Boniface continues, “What was Ray doing here? What was this story that his writer was trying to write?”

“His writer was writing about what it’s like to be a fairy godmother,” Ruby replies. “I described to Ray what I did and told him about my work in Cinderella.”

“Good choice,” Boniface says. “And together we demonstrated how writers and fairy godmothers sometimes work together to create a finished product. I think we’ve satisfied the writer’s need. He now knows that it’s both work and fun, and that we love our job.”

“Oh, I’m getting a message from the writer,” Boniface says. “He says Ray is trying to get in touch with me.”