A Date with Two Syllables

Liz: I don’t normally do blind dates. Every single one I’ve been on was awkward. Some guys are too forward, less interested in what I’m saying and more interested in what’s underneath my dress. Some guys are “in between” jobs at the moment, and for the past eighteen months.  Some guys are more into the game playing on the plasma TV behind my head than me. I agreed to this one because my sister, Josey, guilted me into it, since I “owed” her a favor. If I knew her dog sitting for me when I took an impromptu weekend ski trip would result in me going on a blind date, maybe I would’ve stayed home. A blind date with her boyfriend’s best friend no less. But here I am, sitting at a table waiting for the mysterious Jeremy to show up. I am always early. Arriving early means you get to dictate where you sit, I always choose a table near the window. Facing the window gives ample daylight for a lunch date and if the date goes south, at least I can watch people.

So here I am, the date is at 12:30 and it’s 12:29. I’m sipping sparkling water and waiting to see if he’s the kind of guy who is on time, or the kind with a late arrival for some made up reason.

I don’t want to sound like a total bitch here. I’m not, really. I try to see the best in people. The truth is, I just want to find someone. I’m tired of being alone. All my other girl friends are getting married, getting pregnant and I’m still the single one who they pity. Maybe it’s just me. 

Jeremy: The clock says 12:27. I’m three minutes away. The restaurant is just down the street, if this stoplight would just turn. Or not. On one hand, I don’t want to be late and keep her waiting. On another hand, I hope she’s not there. Maybe some excuse, her dog has food poisoning, she has a flat tire, something like that. The main reason I’m going on this blind date is Jake, my best friend, talked me into it. I’m not convinced, but he told me I need to get back out there, back to the dating scene. He says it’s been too long (which it has) and I don’t really talk to girls all that much anymore (which is true). But I don’t want to do the whole “swipe left, swipe right” thing. That’s what dating is now, right? For an introvert, it’s like a dream come true. And I rarely muster up the courage to go talk to an attractive stranger. It just feels sterile and designed for hookups, which I’m not designed for. 

Honestly, I didn’t think Josephine liked me, much less thought highly enough of me to set up a blind date with her older sister. Jake probably told her about my situation, how I need to get over “her” and find someone else. How I probably wouldn’t do it all on my own. I bet he asked her if she knew someone, anyone, maybe a friend or coworker. It’s less awkward when a friend tells her how much of a letdown our date was. But to set me up with her sister? Now that’s a lot of pressure on me. What if she thinks I’m a weirdo, not attractive, etc. What if Jake and Josephine stay together longer (they’re already attached to the hip for a couple dating for three months). Then we’d bump into each other at social functions, and we’d have this aura of a really awkward blind date. Or what if they get married? I’d walk with her down the aisle, while she thinks, “I went on a bad date with this guy once, ugh.”

Finally, the light turns green!

Turning into the parking lot, lucky me finds a close spot to park. And it’s 12:30 on the dot, I’m on time. I look into the mirror, hair looks fine, nothing in my teeth, I’m presentable. Here goes nothing.

Liz: It’s 12:30 and the guy in the picture Josey sent me walks into the restaurant. Thankfully, he looks like the picture. He’s handsome, in the crooked nose and smile sort of way. He looks around nervously for a few seconds, like a little boy who lost track of Mom in the toy aisle. As he starts walking in the wrong direction, I stand halfway up from the table and wave my hand. Once he sees me, his eyes thank me for giving him a signal, my hand like a flare shot in the spacious cafe. He shyly waves and smiles as he paces over to the table I handpicked.

“Hi, you must be Elizabeth,” he said, with an extended hand and first date smile.

“Yes, I am. And you’re Jeremy,” I stated, fighting back my instinctual sarcasm to tell him he’s got the wrong girl. 

“I am, it’s nice to meet you Elizabeth.”

“Oh, call me Liz. Only my family calls me Elizabeth.”

“Well in that case, feel free to call me Jer. That’s what my friends call me.”

“Jer?”

“Most people that know me are too lazy to say a six letter word with three syllables, so ‘Jer’ kind of stuck, rolls off the tongue a little better I suppose.”

“Try having a name with four syllables, that’s why Liz just stuck with my friends too.”

“We might have just set the record for two people with the shortest names on a blind date.” 

“Can we call them names? They just sound like noises you make with your mouth.”

Jer chuckled a bit. His laugh felt nice and eased some of my anxiety.

“I know, Jer sounds like a drunk guy asking for a chair,” he said.

I returned a chuckle back, thank God he has a sense of humor.

“Liz sounds like... I don’t know, random noise?” I said.

“No Liz is nice, I like it.”

Jer: It’s nice talking to someone with a sense of humor about themselves. And to help me navigate my way around the restaurant to find her. I admit, I’m a little nervous and wondering cluelessly around a restaurant when people are eating is my nightmare. 

Once I spotted her, the sunlight from the window behind her radiated her blonde hair. She wore a form fitting navy sundress, with little sunflowers on it. 

“I hope you haven’t been waiting too long,” I said.

“No, I’m an early bird. I have a thing about being late. You were right on time, 12:30pm on the dot. I like that.”

“So you are quite a punctual person then?”

“I am, I’m not a huge stickler about it with others. (Lies) I just respect a person’s time and I appreciate when others respect mine as well. Plus, it gives me more time to decide what to order off the menu so I don’t make a panicked last minute food choice.”

“Well, thanks. Now I’ll be the one panicked. Fortunately, the options are soup, sandwiches, or soup and a sandwich.”

“This is true, but I need at least ten minutes to know if I’m in a tomato bisque or broccoli cheddar mood.”

“Two very desirable options, indeed. I’m not much of a complicated orderer. (is that a word...) I’m a simple man, if it has turkey and guacamole between bread, I order it.”

Liz: Bonus points, we dodged the half pound roast beef sandwich eater.

The server came and took Jer’s drink order, but with my lead time on the menu and his affinity for turkey and guacamole, we placed our food order. 

After ordering, she took our menus and left us to our own devices. That’s like taking a shield away from a soldier, a security blanket from a toddler. Now we don’t have menus to nervously pretend to read and hide behind during a lull in conversation. 

“So, blind dates, huh?” asked Jer.

“Well, my sister told me all about this charming man that I would just hit it off with.”

“No, I was asking about this blind date,” said Jer.

“Ha! Josey said her boyfriend had a friend who she’d recently met that I just had to meet. I agreed and here we are. I figured it couldn’t hurt, right? She’s head over heels about your Jake, so I figured I’d meet you one way or another.”

“I hope I can live up to any expectations.”

“So far you have. I will admit, I was hesitant at first. I mean, I met Jake and he’s a nice guy and he’s nice to my sister. But anytime I think about another man’s friends or best friend, the first image that comes to my mind is his college frat brother and beer pong partner.”

“Luckily for you, we didn’t join a fraternity. And this might surprise you...” Jer looks around and whispers, “I’ve never played beer pong.”

“Wow, compared to you, I’m a wild college socialite.”

“Oh, were you partying, sorority girl?” asked Jer.

“I was not... But I have played beer pong, though my career was abrupt. I played one game and it was absolutely terrible and had to drink all these beers and not fifteen minutes later I was in the bathroom losing it. It was then I swore to never play beer pong again, and now I only drink one glass of rosé during work happy hours.”

“So you weren’t the wild child of the siblings?”

“Are you kidding, I was the oldest. I looked after all the others. Even Josey, as the middle kid, wasn’t so bad. Our little brother though, I’m sometimes surprised he’s still alive. What about you?”

Jer: “What about me?”

“Why did you agree to a blind date with a complete stranger?” asked Liz.

“It’s funny you ask, I actually only dine with complete strangers.” I said.

“Is that so?”

“It’s true. Homeless people, vagabonds and blind dates, these are the only people I feel comfortable publicly dining with.”

“Your family must be hurt.”

“My parents always knew they were raising a strange child,” I said, smiling.

Liz grinned and slightly rolled her eyes in the most adorable way.

“No really, I trust Jake. He’s my best friend and he’s a good judge of character. And we’ve been friends for forever, he’s more of a brother. I trusted him because he would never intentionally steer me wrong, much less with the sister of the woman he’s romantically involved in. He showed me your picture and I thought, ‘she looks absolutely darling.’ So I agreed to go on a blind date with a complete stranger.”

As I finished my sentence, our food arrived. 

Liz: One of the most attractive things I find in someone on a first date is how respectful the other person treats restaurant staff. I put myself through college waiting tables and pulling espresso shots and it’s difficult work. And I’ve served far too many dates where the male wanted to impress his young lady by being an absolute ass to me, or the female who cannot keep track of her own precise orders. 

The server asked if there’s anything we needed, Jer said “we’re all good, everything looks great, thank you so much” and smiled. This is a pillar of attractiveness in your late 20s. 

“Wow, everything looks great.”

“Yes it does,” Jer said. “So, the next agenda item for any proper blind date, what do you do for a living?”

“I am a kindergarten teacher,” I said.

“No way! How cool of a job is that?”

“Cool is one way to describe it. But, I do love it. I’ve taught for three years now and it is really great.”

“What made you decide to teach kindergarten?”

“It was kind of happenstance, in that it was the teaching position that was available at the time. When I grew up, I thought I’d be an English teacher for high school seniors. Lecturing on Joseph Conrad, Dostoevsky, and contemporary classics like Rushdie. When I was in high school, I loved it and was a good writer, so I wanted to inspire other students in the same ways I was.”

“Given your proclivity for timeliness, I bet you were never late to class, huh?”

“The only class I may have been a little late to is Gym. But that’s because, who wants to get sweaty then be around people for the rest of the day. But, I’m teaching these 5 year olds how to be punctual little people.”

“I bet,” Jer said under a laugh while chewing a bit of sandwich.

“I’m not much of a reader, but I’ve always wanted to be. I guess it’s my attention span or something. I did just buy a book though.”

“Oh yeah? What did you buy?”

“The UFC Encyclopedia. It captures the history of the UFC up to this point. I like sports and it’s interesting and has lots of photos of old fights and early on UFC stuff.”

“So it’s like a picture book?”

“It has SOME words in it, just because there’s pictures doesn’t mean it’s a picture book.”

“I bet I can find you a good book, I just have to get to know you better.”

“I challenge you to that. If you can find a book that holds my attention until the end, I’ll be quite impressed.”

“Challenge accepted. So, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a data warehouse architect.”

“I know what those three words mean individually, but when you put them together I’m clueless.”

Jer laughed. “So, it’s not the sexiest job in the world...”

“You don’t say?”

“So what I do is basically set up the infrastructure to bring in large amounts of data into a database. And it needs to be scheduled and follow certain parameters and such.”

“I imagine you just look at a Matrix-y looking screen all day.”

“That’s exactly right. I got into IT in college because I knew that it would pay well. Then I found a job and it turns out I’m decent at it and it does pay well. So if you can do something you’re good at and get paid well for it, I chalked that up as a win.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“I don’t know if ‘enjoy’ is the word I would use. I enjoy being good at it, but I don’t live to be a data warehouse architect, you know?”

“Well I think it’s cool. I mean, you’re Bill Gates as far as I’m concerned, I couldn’t do what you do.”

Jer: It’s like we blinked and realized our food is gone and we’ve been talking for ninety minutes.

“Wow, it’s almost two o’clock.” said Liz.

“I guess we should let other people sit here,” I said, looking over as the lunch crowd hasn’t yet died down and there’s people waiting for a seat. 

“Yes, I should get going. I’m going to run to the restroom, I’ll meet you out in front?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Liz gets up and pauses, realizing she doesn’t know where the restrooms are here. I point her in the direction, she confirms and walks in that direction.

I get up to walk to the door, leaving a tip, and a brief wave to our server. She smiles and gives me a thumbs up. 

I walk over towards the waiting area, pulling out my phone and sending a quick “thumbs up” text to Jake. 

Liz: As I wash my hands, I look myself over, making sure I don’t have anything stuck in my teeth, which of course I had a small piece of tomato in my gums that I hadn’t seen. 

“That’s embarrassing,” I whisper to myself. 

I brush my hair a little with my fingers, put on some lip balm, thinking to myself, I hope he’s still waiting out there. I grabbed my phone and texted Josey a smiling emoji.

I walk out of the restroom, tossing the paper towel I used to open the door in the trash. As I walk to our table, I see the staff cleaning the table, but look over at the front door and Jer is standing there, looking at his phone. “Oh good, he didn’t run away,” I think to myself. 

Walking closer, he looks up and smiles, pocketing his phone. He opens the door for me as we walk out of the restaurant into the bright, blinding sun, like walking out of a movie theater after a matinee.

“Well, I had fun. And the food was so good.”

“Jake wouldn’t steer us wrong when it comes to food... I had fun too, it was really nice getting you know you Liz.”

“Same,” I said. 

“So... Can I get your phone number? In case you get the craving for the best soup and sandwich again?”

“Yes, of course,” I said, fumbling around grabbing my phone. 

We exchange phone numbers and look at each other. It’s the moment when you meet a person you like, but don’t quite know how to say goodbye. 

Jer extends his hand while I come in for a short hug, and at the last minute I put my hand out. The result is some weird half hug/handshake thing. Awkward goodbyes. 

“Well, I’ll text you later Liz.”

“That would be good. Talk to you later.”

We both give awkward smiles until we turn around a walk to our respective cars. 

I get the key out and hop into my Volvo, checking my phone before starting the car.

Text from Josey: “So you liked him??”

Jer: As I got in my car, I grabbed my phone and set it in the cup holder. I have an unread message.

Text from Jake: “Hey, so did you like her?”

I smiled the biggest smile I’ve had in years.