Diary of a First

Dear Diary,

   I am going to stop believing that anything is forever anymore. Just the other day, for the first time in my life, I felt betrayed by my own parents. But, let me start from the beginning. I am still in shock!

   About a year and a half ago my dear mother started complaining about the traffic and different things about our home in Colorado. It was minor at first, then more major and more often. My father complained that the over 20 year old house had too many repairs to keep up with. Although in truth they both had done several improvements and repairs throughout the house. I ought to know since I have been in the house since I was 12 years old. I half joked with my parents, kind of, that they were never going to move from that house, since I still had a key. But the complaints kept coming, but not constant.

   Really don’t know whether there were deaths close to them of people they knew, the manipulative media, or something else, but my folks just announced one day that they needed more help than they were getting. Of course I assured them that they were healthy, fine, and could get any medical help they needed with the nearest hospital being not even two miles away. My sibling is only an hour and a half away as am I with two plane rides. Nothing seemed to truly and fully comfort them.

   Quite some time passed, or at least that I know of, my parents did two things that changed events in our family forever. They contacted my old high school Algebra teacher, now turned realtor/repair man. Also, they contacted a company that builds custom homes, Challenger Homes. Strangely enough this company had lots available very close to my sibling. Of course this seemed to tip the scales in their direction and favor. That is until one of the guys that worked for the house building company, called my mother, to tell her that she could not have the house that they were thinking about having built, because it would not fit in the lot. Well, there suddenly was a light at the end of the very long and dark tunnel, or as I like to call it, change! Pretty worried at this point at talk turning into action. But I definitely breathed a sigh of relief at this turn of events. Oh I wished no harm on my people who raised me. But this road block to great change was a God send to my comfort. Can’t help that I fight against being bi-polar, manic-depressive, and borderline autistic. So, I went back to my life, knowing that when I came to visit my folks that it would still be the same house. May have gotten a different life after getting married, but as far as I am concerned things were going great. My mother got very frustrated,m but I at least didn’t have to continue in not hearing about the evils of change.

   My happiness was short lived as it got closer to Summer. Unfortunately my folks did not fully give up the crazy notion of moving at this late juncture in their lives. Really, it was my mom pushing with my father going along with her wishes because he loves her. More action came when they picked a different lot which worked better for them, trying again to get what they thought they wanted. My emotional defense system kicked in, and I told my folks to not share any happenings with finding a new house, unless they had given up. Growing up I was best friends with my parents, but with my issues, I need to keep everything the same, even now. This was not helping with that. Needless to say, I have rarely argued with my folks until now. Well hello World War III. We had many conversations about how to meet their supposed changing needs. I offered to work with my brother in order to create some different system in their house to make things easier. I also pointed out that they had their space, their health, and at this point in their lives time to keep things the same as they always had been. With a severe warning, I told them that this was not the time in their lives to make a major change. Older people need the same routine for emotional balance, and some younger people too. Nothing got through at all. More harsh words followed and constant arguing on how this was the worst thing that they could do in and with their lives. Explanations on how deeply a move and major change like this would hurt me, didn’t even stop them. Then came the most horrible email I have ever gotten in my life. One that I was not even suppose to get.

    Usually I call my folks twice a week, but email them every single day. Since our hurtful arguing I had stopped calling them on the phone. Easier to say mean things over email then it is to say them in person, or on the phone. My mother talks to her sisters every day too. By accident my mom sent an email, meant for my aunt, to me. In this horrific email, it explained how they were ready for closing on the house in June as they had found a buyer for my childhood home. This was the last straw! I fired off the worst emails, without language, that an adult child should send their parents. But that was it. I actually thought that I meant something to my parents, that my opinion mattered. They were not going to do what I wanted, only what they wanted to. Or what they thought they wanted to do.

   So, the closing happened, with the terrible change happening in October. The new buyer turned out to be some single father, who wanted to have a house of his own. He was still living with his own mother. The only further explanation that I got was that they had prayed hard, and this is what the Lord had revealed to them. They happen to like the area that I grew up in, but felt more comfortable being near one of their children. My brother and I had not been near them since we got married. My brother got chosen over me, since he was closer, had money, and had the grand kids. My mom didn’t want to haul laundry up and down the stairs anymore either. Despite my protests, my folks moved, trashing 29 years of great and precious memories. Went to the new place over the Christmas and New Years holidays, still disbelieving that it happened.

   So now, despite being the first born, I am dead last and without purpose in my own family. This has been the greatest betrayal of trust that my parents have done to me. Our relationship will never be the same ever again. Whenever I visit my family, I have to go to new unfamiliar places that hold no enjoyment. How is this fair? Change is bad, diary! I am done with it. If only I could go back to the way things were. Only certain people get their needs met in life at certain times in their life, I guess.