Lethal addiction

Her name was Niara, Niara Francis, and she had a secret: she was prone to panic attacks, and she was in love with Sly Hamilton. If you know Sly, that was hardly a good combination. 

Niara sat at lunch trying and desperately failing to follow her best friend Diamonds rant about her French teacher. She was preoccupied with the fact that the love of her life was across the room, and he wouldn’t stop looking her way. She forced her eyes down to her plate, though at the sight of him she had lost her appetite, and pretended not to notice. “Niara are you even listening?” Diamonds irritation snapped Niara out of her silent conversation with Sly and made her heart slow down, though she hadn’t even realized it had been racing. “Um yea no yes of course I am. Gotta hate that english teacher am I right.” She forced the same fake laugh that always seemed to convince Diamond she was listening. However, considering Diamonds skeptical expression, she wasn’t sure if it had done the trick. “What?” “French” she pressed her lips together. “It was my french teacher. What is going on with you, you’ve been zoned out everyday at lunch since we got back.” “Uh nothing, I guess I’m just preoccupied or something” She lied. “With what?” “Uh I gotta go to the library, I have a report due tomorrow, I’ll Uh see you in class.” “Niara wait.” She heard her call, but she was already halfway to the staircase, and there was no way she was turning back now. Diamond didn’t know that Niara was in love with Sly, the biggest player in school, and there was no way she was going to tell her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t dying to, but she couldn’t even bring herself to say it out loud, let alone to someone else. She knew she loved him though, that was clear as day. As she hastily made her way up the stairs a strong hand took hold of her left arm, preventing her from moving any further. She turned around and the irritated look she wore, at the sight of her restrainer, morphed into a surprised one. “Hey shortstack.” The nickname sent shivers through her body. She tugged her arm away from him and avoided his eyes. “What do you want, Sly?” She said as smoothly as possible. “What kind of hello is that? I can’t get a how you doing Sly, you good Sly, what’s good Sly.” She rolled her eyes despite how his voice turned her whole body into pudding, and he knew. “Those kind of greetings are for people who didn’t spend the last  two weeks ghosting you.” “Hey I was saving the best for last.” He insisted, takings step up, leaving just one step between them. For a moment she felt herself going back to this summer, back when everything between them seemed like heaven on earth, back when he had made her feel like the only thing that mattered instead of just another one of his conquests. She shook her head, this wasn’t right, he had been the cause of the spikes in her attacks and he didn’t even know it, but if he had she was sure he wouldn’t have cared. She couldn’t let herself love him, she wouldn’t. “I have a paper to write.”  She started to start back up the stairs when she felt one of his hands on her hips, tugging her back. She threw it off of her instantly. “Don’t touch me.” His touch was an addiction, and if she relapsed now she would never get over him. Her hand began to tremble, she shoved it in the pocket of her gray hoodie. “So it’s like that.” He laughed. “Alright, I got you.” Just when she thought he’d given up two hands wrapped around her waist, lifted her off the staircase, then threw her up in order to catch and carry her as if he was the prince and she was Cinderella. He carried her across the school and behind the auditorium to an abandoned hallway. “Ok, what’s your problem?” He asked, sitting her down. “I don’t have a problem.” She lied holding her hand inside her pocket. Due to the unknown area and his presence, the trembling had become worse. “Yes,” he stepped closer. “You do.” She stepped back, her breath becoming shaky, she could no longer contain it. Sly of all people could not find out about her attacks, he’d think she was a freak and his affections would shift to pity. He took a step forward and grasped both of her forearms, pulling her to his chest. “Hey, look at me.” She did as he said, scolding herself all the while. Why was it so hard for her to resist him? His tone had shifted from joking to concerned. His dark brown eyes both comforted and killed her, sending her to memories she had held dear. She wanted to collapse into his embrace and stay there for the rest of her life. Her hole body ached for his. He looked down at her and noticed tears shining on her cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong, whatever it is you can tell me. You know that right?” She opened her mouth to say something. She didn’t know what exactly, considering there was so much to say, but she knew she was going to say something, she had to. “Sly, what are you doing?” Someone laughed from down the hall. There she was, the reason this was all so hard. Sly released her arms casually and Niara took a step back, a little less casually. The girls eyes drifted over to Niara. “Oh hey, who’s this.” She gave Niara an acknowledging smile, a smile she failed to return. “Hey this is my friend Niara, Niara this is my girlfriend, Gabby. “Hi” Niara opened her mouth to say something and forced out a squeaky “hey” she raised her hand in a wave and noticed her entire arm was now trembling. She threw it behind her and held it with her other hand. “Nice to meet you. I- I gotta get to C- Class” she stuttered, stumbling away from them. She shoved her hand in her pocket and turned down a second hallway. Her breaths became more uneven and less beneficial. She leaned her head back against a wall. No not now, not again. Endless tears poured down her cheeks. Why, why did she always let this happen? Her heart ached for his embrace, shivers ran through her body. Every attack she had lately was over him. Why did something so beutiful as love have so many side effects. Once, Dimond had suggested she tell her parents about the attacks in order to get help, but she couldn’t be diagnosed because that would make it real, it would mean she was really a girl with an anxiety disorder, and she couldn’t handle that, it already felt like the words were tattooed on her forehead. “Niara, Niara are you okay?” Diamond started towards her best friend with worried eyes. Niara forced herself to speak through heavy breaths and tears.” She pushed herself off the wall and showed Diamond her trembling hands. “It’s happening again.” She sobbed. “Wh - what happened?” Diamond asked following protocol. When Niara has attacks they walked backwards to see what caused it, only this time Niara already knew. “I- I was talking to Sly, and he introduced me to his girlfriend.” “But how would that- what does that have to do with?” Niaras eyes pleaded with Diamond. She couldn’t say it, she could never say it. A language of love was shining through her eyes and only Diamond could understand it. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Oh honey.” She wrapped her arms around her allowing Niara to sob into her shoulder as they slide down the wall onto the floor. She didn’t ask any questions, she already knew she couldn’t answer. They just sat on the floor, leaning against the wall talking about nothing, everything, anything but Sly Hamilton.

Niara Francis, living proof that all love isn't luxury sometimes it’s lethal. All passion isn’t a pleasure, sometimes it’s poison. Niara Francis, she had a secret, now she has a story.