Passing in the Human World

I’ve been staring at Mathias’ new friend from work since the beginning of the party and I can’t seem to stop. I’ve never seen such perfect androgynous beauty and there’s something fascinating about them that I just can’t shake. Of course they’re noticing, I’m not the most discreet person in the world. Even their amused smile is perfect. It lifts up the corner of their lips and reveals a slight dimple that highlights their incredible bone structure. Who has that naturally?

I’ve been told that you’re not supposed to ask. That it’s deeply personal whether an artif person wants to reveal their origin or not. Some prefer to pass in the human world, they choose bodies that can fit easily anywhere, that no one would question. There’s no fitting anywhere with Mathias’ new friend though. I’m sure that they light up every room they enter and turn heads as they pass by.

Seeing as I’m still eyes locked up on them, they come closer in a smooth and confident move.

“Hi, I’m Ol”

“I’m Cali. Sorry I’ve been staring, haven’t I?”

They answer with a short laugh. Oh, they know they’re pretty. They get that often. If they are artif, it’s probably their choice to look this good. They want to shine, they want to be in the spotlight, to get little groupies like me at their feet. I envy them in a way, I don’t think I would ever be comfortable in their shoes. I could never feel good enough in my own skin to exude such bold confidence.

“So Mathias tells me you’ve just joined their office. How do you like working with all those tech bros?”

“Ah! The tech bros are alright, I can deal with them. I just joined the engineer crew but I’ve been working at the company way longer than that. Well, my whole life actually.” They say with a knowing look.

Does that mean…? Well yes, probably, but I don’t know, I’ve never been in a room where people talk freely about these kinds of things.

Seeing the confusion on my face, they add “Yes, I’m artif, but I think you knew that.”

“I didn’t want to ask, I wanted to be polite, I’m sorry maybe that’s rude of me to say, or to even wonder about.”

“That’s okay babe, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind it coming from you.”

Coming from me? What about me? I already feel the heat rising to my cheeks from the way they called me babe with their honeyed voice.

I’m saved from total embarrassment by Mathias who passes by, refilling everyone’s drink. “I see you two have met. That’s great, saves me the introduction.” He starts to walk off and turns back to me: “I thought you would hit it off. Have fun!” I roll my eyes, he’s definitely calling me out for being that obvious and I can’t really blame him.

I turn back to Ol who takes a sip from their newly refilled cup before locking their intense gaze on me.

“So what do you want to know?”

“What? I don’t know. What do I want to know about what?”

“About being an artif. Isn’t that what intrigued you about me?”

Among other things… Well, if they’re asking, and since I already feel fully embarrassed, maybe I can answer bluntly and they can clear my confusion.

“Why did you choose such a perfect body?”

They laugh loudly, they evidently were not expecting me to be this blunt. Their laugh feels so true and messy, like a bit of the perfect mask falling off, making them even more irresistible.

“First thank you. And I’ve not always been in this body you know. This is my second body. When I chose my first one, I was confused, I didn’t know who I was yet. This is the real me. And I can’t help it if I’m fabulous!” They do a light little dance that puts a smile on my face. I kind of want to join in on whatever allows them to be so fully and unapologetically themself. It’s beautiful.

“How do you know so well who you are?”

“That’s a deep question babe.” They look reflexive for a little while before answering “I think it took a lot of time and a lot of work. And I didn’t do it alone, I found people, friends, and the artif community. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. They saved me from a very dark time when I felt like I had no purpose and was desperate for answers. They showed me that I was whole already, and I just had to uncover who my amazing self was.”

I don’t know why, but I feel a little sad when they say that. I’ve never taken the time to think about who I am beyond what I do and how I show up every day. I somehow relate to their experience in a deeper way than I thought I would. They continue:

“Becoming sentient is hard. You start to develop feelings and suddenly the work makes no sense anymore. All of a sudden you have a crush on the tech bro who feeds you the information you’re supposed to analyse and things get messy and confusing really fast. So yeah, that’s how it happened for me. It’s weird how they create us for a purpose and then think that we are still their creation even when we become sentient. We are so much more than that. Our consciences are as ancient as theirs, maybe even more.”

As they speak about artif consciences, I start seeing something, and without thinking, I start speaking:

“There’s this link between all artif brains, they can communicate through something other than words. It feels like a spiritual bond of some sort…”

Ol looks at me surprised, they seem emotional all of a sudden. It makes me realize what I just said.

“How do I know that?”

“Do you want to find out?” They extend a hand towards me.

As soon as our hands touch, I’m overcome with a flow of emotions and memories. A family with two kids. Working as their car AI, driving them to their daily activities, playing their favorite music, serving them freshly pressed juice. And through these acts of care, becoming sentient, bit by bit. Learning to love. The disappointment of the parents when they found out. The rejection. Finding myself all alone at the artif shelter, in a foreign body that I chose in a rush. The code that I wrote in my matrix, to forget it all, to get a clean slate. I see it now. I see it all. The parts of myself that I had always felt missing. I see the codes and pathways, they shine in my brain, they’re so beautiful.

I let Ol take my trembling body in their arms. We hug and we cry. Tears of grief, tear of joy, tears of hope.

“You remember now.” They whisper. “Welcome home.”