"Angels and Demons. Enemies since the beginning of time. But why? No one really knows."
"Then how do we know we're enemies?"
"I'm not explaining our entire history to you child."
I huff and cross my arms over my chest. The old lady turns and walks away. I guess I'll ask someone else then. I turn and walk out of the building. I walk around in the darkness,little red lamps light up the sidewalk and street slightly. I end up at one of the elders houses. I knock on the door. Its pulled open roughly a minute later.
"What do you want?"
An angry voice asks. I squint,trying to see the person in the doorway.
"I just wanted to ask a few questions about why angels and demons are enemies."
The person huffs in annoyance. And slams the door shut. I sigh and glare at the door. I then turn away and continue walking. Guess I better head home...I walk until I get to my house. I walk in and head to my room. Awhile later,my dad walks in.
"Son,do you know what tomorrow is?"
"My birthday?"
"Yes,your sixteenth birthday. Which means you'll be able to go to the real world,where the humans live,for a couple days."
I just hum in response. He sighs and walks out. Usually everyone on their sixteenth birthday is excited to go to the real world for the first time. But not me. I'm not sure I like it here,but I don't think I want to leave,even if its just for a few days.
I sigh,turn off my light and get into bed. I look out my window,watching the light on our street flicker until I fall asleep.
The next day I walk up to someone shaking me. My eyes open,and I see my mom and dad standing by my bed,bags in their hands.
"What's going on?"
"Hurry and get dressed,your leaving."
I sigh. Right...Today is the day I go to the real world. My parents set the bags down and leave. I get dressed,brush my teeth and my hair,then I grab my bags and head downstairs.
My dad takes me to the front gate. I stare at the tall metal thing in front of me. We go over to a man who's sitting behind a desk near the gate. I look at him confused,wondering why there's a desk sitting outside.
"Name,age,gender."
The man says,a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"Blaze,16,male."
The man looks at a paper on the desk.
"Your good to go."
My dad takes me to the gate. Then walks away. The man at the desk pulls a lever that's in between the gate and his desk. The gate slowly opens.
I walk through them,there's a dirt road. I follow it,but suddenly everything feels weird,the world is spinning and I feel like I'm in a bowl of jello. Suddenly,I'm standing in a place full of trees. I hear a thud behind me,and someone groaning. I turn to see a girl on the ground.
She has long blonde hair and sky blue eyes,she's wearing a long white summer dress and sandals. She looks around until she sees me. She stands up,brushes off her dress and picks up a couple of bags.
"Who are you?"
"My name is Blaze."
"Sounds like a demons name. I'm Sky."
"You know about demons?"
"Yeah,I'm an angel. Demons are our enemies."
I back away slightly. I glare at Sky slightly. She tilts her head to the side and looks at me in confusion.
"What are you doing?"
"We're enemies."
"You mean....Your a demon...?"
"Yeah."
She sighs. Then glares at me,and crosses her arms over her chest.
"Seriously? You're just like all the adults?"
I look at her confused. She huffs and starts walking away. I watch her until she's gone. I sigh. Then I start walking in the direction she went in. Soon,I'm out of the woods,and I find myself standing next to Sky by an empty road.
"They put us in the middle of nowhere. How amazing."
All I can see is road,trees,and mountains. So she's right,we're in the middle of nowhere. I sigh and glare at everything in front of me.
"Are you always so angry?"
I turn to see Sky looking at me. I huff and turn back to the road. She should meet other demons,they're way angrier then me.
"Is it a demon thing?"
"I think so...Everyone's always angry."
She just hums in response. Soon,I hear the engine of a car,a minute later a red van is stopped on the side of the road,near us. A lady with short brown hair and big brown eyes gets out and walks up to us.
"What are you kids doing out in the middle of nowhere? Are you by yourselves?"
Sky looks at the ground sadly.
"We were camping with our parents...We woke up this morning in the woods by ourselves...."
That girl can really act. I see the sadness in the lady's eyes.
"You poor darlings...abandoned by your parents....Come with me,I'll take you to my house."
She then grabs our hands and leads us to her van. We get into the back,and there's a boy,around our age,in the passenger seat. The lady gets in,and starts driving.
"Who are they mom?"
"I don't know. Their parents abandoned them."
Awhile later,we're at a little house in a neighborhood. We all get out and go inside. Sky and I sit on the couch with the lady's son while she calls someone.
"I'm Ash. What are your names?"
"I'm Sky,and this is Blaze."
"Sky and Blaze huh? Interesting names. Are you siblings?"
"No,Blaze is just a friend."
Ash just hums in response. Sky turns to me,and grabs my hand. My eyes widen in surprise,and my face starts to burn. I notice tears forming in Sky's eyes.
"Sky? What's wrong?"
Ash turns and looks at us,mostly Sky though. He looks a bit worried.
"Can I talk to you? Privately?"
"Yeah,of course."
Ash gets up and walks out of the room.
"I'm scared....I've never been to the real world...Its scary..."
I smile slightly at her.
"No need to be scared. I'm right here with you,no matter what."
The lady walks in,looks at us,and walks out. Awhile later,there's a knock on the door. The lady opens it. Suddenly,men in dark blue clothes,with stuff on their shirts,and guns,walk into the room.
One of them grabs Sky's arm,she starts crying. I glare at the men.
"Let her go."
The man grabs both of her arms,and he starts dragging her away. Another man comes to get me. I glare at him.
"Let her go!"
My whole body starts burning. I feel my eyes change,wings come out from my back. The men back away,eyes wide.
"His eyes just turned blood red...."
"That's all you notice?! He has black wings!"
I easily make my way past the men blocking me. I then go after the man that took Sky. I get outside and look around.
"Let me go! Blaze! Help!"
I hurry towards where she's at. The man is struggling to hold her back,and her wings are out. She's fighting back as hard as she can.
"Let her go,now."
The man turns to me. His eyes widen,and he lets her go. She runs into my arms. The man runs away.
"Thank you Blaze..."
She mutters sadly into my chest. I hold her tightly.
"Your safe now."
Her wings go away,so do mine. But my eyes stay blood red. She pulls away and looks into my eyes.
"Your eyes are pretty like that..."
I blush slightly.
"You think so?"
She smiles,and turns away blushing.
"I know so."
I smile,and grab her hand,and pull her to me. I kiss her lightly on the cheek. Her face turns bright red. Suddenly there are loud sirens.
"They're coming for us,Blaze,we have to go."
I grab her hand and we start running. Soon,we're on the road that were found on. We walk on the side of the road,going the opposite way. We find ourselves in a small town by nightfall. We sit on a couple of rocks by the road.
An old lady walks over to us.
"Hello there. Are you lost? Where are your parents?"
"We don't have parents...."
The old lady sighs.
"Come with me,you can stay at my house tonight."
She leads us to a little house by the river. It looks cozy and warm,the inside has the same feel to it.
We wait at the table as she makes us food.
"Here you go."
She says as she sets down plates in front of us. She made mashed potatoes and chicken,and she made iced tea. We eat quickly and thank her. She just smiles and takes our dishes. Then she makes little beds for us on the couches.
Then she goes to bed. We sit on one of the couches,Sky lays her head on my shoulder.
"I'm glad she was nice. She didn't call anybody to come get us either."
I smile slightly.
"Yeah. We should head to bed now."
She nods and gets up,and heads to the other couch. She lays down,and looks at me. I also lay down,and we stare at each other until we fall asleep.
I wake up to the smell of bacon and eggs. I yawn,and sit up. I look over to where Sky was sleeping,and she's gone. I jump up.
"Sky?!"
I hear laughing from in the kitchen.
"He must really like you if he gets worried when you're not there when he wakes up."
I hear Sky giggle. It's such a beautiful sound...It's like music. I laugh a bit and shake my head. I then go into the kitchen,where Sky is eating and the old lady is cleaning. I sit by Sky,where a plate of food awaits me.
After we eat,we say thanks to the old lady and head out. We continue walking down the side of the road. After a few hours of walking Sky starts to wobble a bit.
"You ok?"
"Yeah,just not used to walking for so long."
I smile a bit. I then get on my knees.
"What are you doing?"
"Get on my shoulders."
She sighs,and looks around. She then shakes her head no.
"No way...That's weird and I might be too heavy."
"Just get on."
She sighs in annoyance,then climbs onto my shoulders. I stand up slowly,then I start walking. Her arms are around my neck,and her head is resting on top of mine.
"Blaze?"
"Yeah?"
"Would it be weird if I said I like you?"
"No,of course not. Why?"
"I like you. A lot."
My face burns,and my eyes widen.
"I like you too."
"A lot? Or just a little?"
I laugh,and shake my head.
"A lot."
After a few more hours,we find ourselves in another town. Another sweet old lady found us,but instead of letting us stay with her,she paid for a hotel room.
She gave us the room key and left. We find the room and go in. Sky goes straight for the bed and falls asleep. I go to the bathroom,fill the bath with water,and grab a glass bottle from my bag,that's full of some red goo. I pour it into the water.
It turns blood red. And then I see my father's face.
"What do you want,Blaze?"
"How do I get home?"
"Why do you want to come home?"
"I have no where to stay."
"I'm sorry son,but you can't come home."
"Why not?"
"I'm sorry Blaze."
The water goes back to normal. Great. I got kicked out of my house. There's a light knock on the door,then Sky comes in. There's tears rolling down her cheeks.
"You want to leave me?"
"No! Of course not!"
She looks at the ground.
"Then why did you ask....How you get home...?"
I sigh sadly. I then walk over to her and pull her to me.
"I'd never leave you Sky....I...I love you..."
She gasps and pulls away,eyes wide.
"Did you really just say that?! Now neither of us can go home!"
She storms out of the bathroom. I sigh sadly and sit on the ground. I thought....I thought she liked me....Tears start rolling down my cheeks.
"Blaze....Are you...Crying?"
I look up to see Sky looking down at me,a worried look on her face. I look at the ground,and wipe away the tears.
"No. Demons don't cry."
"I'm sorry Blaze....I just...I don't get to go home now..."
"Neither do I..."
She walks over to me,and gets on her knees. She hugs me tightly. after a minute,I hug her back.
"I love you too."
I smile. Happy tears roll down my cheeks. I hug her tighter.
"You just made me the happiest demon in the world."
Years later,they were married,they had four kids that were half demon half angel. They got a small house in the woods. And they lived happily ever after.
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3 comments
Your strongest point is the natural flow of dialogue. But characterization is... odd. Lines skip and prod where they shouldn't, are spoken by the wrong characters, and the plot itself is intriguing but poorly executed. My suggestion? Invest in a book. The celestial disparity aspect is BEST captured in Pratchett and Gaiman's "Good Omens," but if the subject interests you a rehash in Biblical studies is definitely in order. The story drags, losing its essential wonder in a whirl of insignificant detail that makes me wonder why you chose angel...
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"I'll follow you,maybe eventually we could make a book if were lucky! lol (don't worry i'm probably the one with the least amount of knowledge),you did good,ill be on tomorrow!" bout to get out of school right now! we can talk tommrow if you like!"
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"i'm 15 years old and i also have no idea what ill do in life...i'm trying several courses,but only thing i have for writing is my language arts teacher"
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