Both. Didn’t know it at the time. Still feel the same way now.

There we sat, looking at one another, wondering what the heck just happened. Trying to process it and at the same time smelling the stink that it was. Unable or unwilling to sputter out the baloney that was occurring and at the same time fear and a bit of dread. The thinking, is this what it is? Do we have to go along with the program……

It is what it is?

Well. That may be true. It is what it is. But in that moment, together we unwittingly and unknowingly decided to change it. Together.

We had no plan.

We had no diagram.

We had no notes.

We had no clue.

What we did have.

We had heart.

We had soul.

We had our backs.

We would not deny.

One another.

The problem. I was the older of us. What does that really mean? It meant I was required to know better than he. So I took the leap of faith. Went against the grain. Knowing full well, my flesh and blood may never understand, never forgive me. Division would be borne of which the only trust I would have to draw upon would be the trust built in our relationship thus far.

Add to that adolescent angst and doubt and the perfect storm brews loud, fast and relentlessly.

But I cared. And. I didn’t care.

I looked him straight in the eyes and told him what I thought. And it meant slighting him of a chance. Devastating to rob Peter to pay Paul to say the least. But I told him what was happening. Told him it was ultimately his decision.

Then I wept.

Tears of joy.

Tears of relief.

Tears of thanks.

Tears of grace.

Tears of forgiveness shed from my eyes too.

At his answer.

He quit.

In the honor of the baloney.

In the honor of another person.

His brother.

I. The even-steven-minded-thinker, routinely and enacted a life of so called balance. And then it was me who took from one and gave to another because it had to be done. And it felt worse than awful.

To prove a point that is still being proven today. There is and there was no winning. Some forces, usually dishonest and leaning toward evil ones, have a way of getting the stash before the cash.

We, he and I saw it for what it was. Baloney. And embarked in a too long journey to stay the course and keep the faith. And it has. Been fraught. With sophisticated payback. Even fraught with mess, division, and “re-runs” of the same old tired story.

Stamina. Incorrigibility. And the right to say

“No”.

Must be. Has to be enforced by someone.

Any one willing to say,

Enough is enough.

We know what you are doing and No. It is not ok.

Staring into a young person’s eyes and searching. Searching for the right moment to try and teach a good lesson in life amidst the luke-warn lessons being offered and served is no easy task.

I think that is why it is called a task.

On the one hand, you deny a person a right to their choice. On the other hand you ask for their trust in you to show them that you are concerned for the greater good, including their greater good.

And if by the grace of God, they hand their trust over to you in an instant or over time.

Never. Ever. Squander it. Never. Ever.

In that moment I earned a young person’s trust, I felt overwhelmed with relief as well as grief. Grieving what I had envisioned was a pure and simple “world” and at the same time trying to protect a person. From that same world. Striving to impart the lesson of what is right and what is wrong.

That is the parenting, carer job description. Parenting is not a popularity contest. It is not a booster club member drawing you into the dues of all dues. The helmets of all helmets, the dinners of all dinners.

It is the nuts and bolts yuck of being the

Odd. Man. Out.

Prerequisite: One has to be ok with that. There is safety in numbers.

Repeat: There is safety in numbers.

But. There really is not safety in numbers. For most. For a few, maybe for a short time. But there is a way to sit safely. With and in the numbers of others. For a short period of time, before it begins to hurt. Because it can hurt one of two ways.

A little. Or. A lot.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done, I would do the same thing. That is a plus. What can and did occur afterwards was here and there minuses. Personally and professionally. Some were worse than others. All unpleasant.

Except the part where the trust had been built before, during and after the situational circumstances.

Relief beyond measure. Much of the time, we are not even aware we are being defended. Defended from others, defended from ourselves. By a power greater than we know. But chances are we feel it. Because the power to say No, can be a building block.

Taking a stand may be a stand you end up standing up for for a long time. 😳.

Anything worth its importance on behalf of one person, one being, or a million persons, a million beings is worth standing up to and for.

That is why. The feeling comes over me the same way today as it did many, many years ago. Certain. Sure. Un yieldingly. Life throws us a curveball as a constant reminder of the fragility of life and the fragility of ourselves.

In that one moment When I looked deep into the eyes of my son. He understood. And for such a young person to grasp the bigger picture is a sight to behold. A feeling to hold on to and never let go.

We had to revisit the defining moment in different ways in the future, from time to time, with a different cast of characters. However, the foundation built allowed us to not stray too far from the point.

We do better together.

We all have to take our lumps. It is a part of life. It can also be good to pray like the dickens for a good person or persons to not add to the lumpy bumpy, grumpy, stumpy, humpy, rumpy discourse of times not genuous.

Stay the course.

Even in the hardest times.

The hardest to climb moments.

Stay the course.

Even if and when it may seem all that is happening is the creation of another mountain, another mountain out of mole-hill. It may just be the only choice you have in order to make a real and dignified change.

Be the change you want to see.

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