Birthday Parties, Batman and Brothers

Jacob sighed and rested his head on the table. He then proceeded to bang his head against the wood five, then ten times. 

“I am a terrible father,” he whispered, ignoring the already growing pain in his head. 

Okay, Jacob, stop being dramatic. Jacob thought. It’s just planning a birthday party. You can do this. 

His little boy was turning six in one week. In previous years, Jacob’s wife had done the planning, but she was currently in Washington D.C. helping her sister with the new baby. His poor sister-in-law. She currently had two sets of twins, two sets of triplets, and a newborn baby. Emily was right in helping her out. But why did she have to go now, of all times? 

“Planning a birthday party is easy,” she had said. “Max likes Batman. Just get Batman-themed activities planned.” Jacob hadn’t thought twice about it, simply agreed and kissed her goodbye. But now, looking back on the fateful moment, he wished he’d gotten more instruction. 

“Max?” he called. 

The five-year-old came trotting into the room, still in his pajamas with his hair messy since Mom hadn’t been there to reprimand him. Jacob was too stressed to think about hair brushing. “Yes, Daddy?” Max asked, his sweet voice making Jacob smile for just one second. 

“Who do you want to invite to your birthday party?” Jacob asked, running his hand through his hair and preparing a pencil and paper. 

Max tilted his head to one side and bit his bottom lip, thinking. Eventually, he shrugged. “I don’t know. Just pick people I like.” He then proceeded to run back to his room. Jacob heard cries of, “You will die, Joker!” with various noises of things exploding. He briefly wondered if he should go check but decided against it. Max had gotten very skilled at making exploding noises with his mouth. 

Jacob decided to text Emily. She, at least, could tell him people to contact for Max’s party. True, there wasn’t a party for them to come to yet, but the first step to any party was the guests, right? He got out his phone and sent a very carefully worded text, being careful not to let her know just how desperate he was.

Not even a second later, an automated reply came back. “Thank you for contacting me, but I am unavailable at this time. If it is an emergency, please call. Thanks, Emily.” Jacob nearly threw his phone across the room but stopped before it left his hand. If he did end up dying of stress, there had to be some way for Max to call the police. Or the ambulance. Or Mom. Whatever came first. 

He smiled, picturing how Emily would look right now. She’d always been the practical one in the family, so she’d certainly be calming down her stressed sister, probably with a child in each arm and several more clinging to her leg. If she were here, she’d probably have bought more decorations than were necessary, baked a cake and planned about a dozen fun activities for little boys by now. So far, all Jacob had on his list was “Batman”. Nothing else. 

Suddenly, an idea struck Jacob so hard, it was like a strike from Zeus’ lightning bolt. He nearly gasped. Emily was helping her sister, so maybe his brother could help him. His brother was… as Jacob liked to say, “passionate”, and as Emily liked to say, “the biggest dork on the planet.” He was part of multiple fan clubs, for Star Wars, Marvel, Lord of the Rings and, of course, Batman. Jacob happened to know that he had many various costumes for all of his favorite characters, for everyone from Han Solo to Gandalf to, of course, Batman. 

Jacob immediately called his brother, crossing his fingers. Luckily, he wasn’t currently at one of his conventions or at a fan club meeting, so he answered. 

“What’s up?” he asked, his mouth full of something (probably popcorn). 

“I need your help.” Jacob calmly said, trying not to yell at his brother for not talking with his mouth full. That had been an ongoing argument throughout their childhood. 

“What have you got? A Death Star to blow up? A ring to deal with? A-” 

Jacob interrupted his brother, trying his hardest to be serious. “Dominic, you need to save Gotham city.” 

He could hear his brother’s gasp from the other side of the phone. It was so easy to picture- Dominic would immediately sit up, spewing popcorn mush from his mouth. He would pause whatever movie he was inevitably watching and jump to his feet. “When?” he shouted. “Where?” 

“My house. Next Saturday. 4:30. Wear your Batman costume.” Jacob instructed, being careful to tell him to come thirty minutes after the party started. He would need to instruct the little boys on what to do before they had to fight Batman. 

It was all coming together now. Jacob couldn’t believe how, only minutes ago, he’d been seriously considering telling Emily that there would be no party after all. Now the only things left to do were to make a guest list, invite all the guests, get decorations, and make a cake. 

Okay, it was a lot to do. But it seemed quite less burdensome then the task had seemed half an hour ago. Now he had a plan, and having a plan always makes one feel better, no matter how difficult the plan may be. 

Jacob immediately put his plan to work. First, he called their local bakery, asking for a Batman cake to be delivered the day of the party. When asked how large it was supposed to be, he replied, “Large enough for about fifteen hungry five-year-olds who have just defeated Batman.” The young-sounding woman on the phone sounded confused but obliged without much questioning. 

After that phone call, he proceeded to sneak into Max’s room and grab his class picture from that year. He recognized some of the names of the little boys from his son’s stories about school, but not all. Crossing his fingers, Jacob hoped that he wouldn’t be inviting any little brats over to his house, but wrote the names of all of the boys down anyway. 

“Come to Max’s house at 4:00 next Saturday,” he said in an email to all the parents of these boys (thank you, school directory!). “We have an important task for you.” 

Decorations were easy. He just took Max to the local Party City and picked out all of the Batman balloons, plates and streamers he could find. Max loved every second of it, and his happiness was the main reason why Jacob wasn’t extremely embarrassed by his constant noises. 

Five days passed, and it was the day of the party. Jacob felt ready, although he wished Emily could be here for the whole thing. Her plane was landing at 4:15, so she probably wouldn’t be home until about 4:45. He took a few deep breaths and focused his attention to the bouncy six-year-old who was jumping from couch to couch in the living room. “Okay, Max, calm down. Your friends will be here any moment.” 

“I can’t calm down!” Max cried. “I can’t!” He tried to jump to another couch but was caught by his father before he could. Giggling, Max tried to fight his way out, but Jacob’s grip was too strong. “Why won’t you tell me what we’re doing, Daddy?” 

“I told you, Max. It’s a surprise. You and your friends will all find out at the same time.” Jacob felt a sudden wave of nervousness, hoping that everyone he had invited were Max’s friends. Wasn’t there one boy in the class that nobody liked? Or were his nerves just making that up? 

The first little boy arrived at exactly 4:00. To Jacob’s relief, Max’s face brightened up as he ran toward the door. “Logan!” he yelled, immediately running over to his friend. They indulged in a complicated game that they seemed to play often. As the other boys arrived, they also participated in this game, seeming to all know the rules. Jacob exhaled with relief. It was going to work after all. 

After about ten minutes, all but one of the boys had arrived. The other ones were so engrossed in a game that Jacob almost felt bad breaking it up to do his plan. “Okay, everyone,” he announced. “You will each choose one of Batman’s enemies and-” 

Suddenly, a car pulled into the driveway. A very expensive, rich car. Jacob felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. As the little boy climbed out, every one of Max’s other guests fell silent. The birthday boy himself walked over to his father with an expression of pure terror. “Why’d you have to invite Vincent?” 

“I invited every boy in your class, Max. What’s wrong with him?” Jacob worriedly asked. 

“He’s the meanest, most terrible person ever,” Max said, his brown eyes wide in horror. 

Oh, no. Jacob thought. So I did invite a little jerk after all. 

As Vincent entered, all of the boys averted their gazes. He really did look like a little rich, spoiled brat, wearing an expensive suit with an equally snotty expression. 

“I would have had my chauffeur drive me, but that sounded too fancy for a neighborhood of commoners such as this.”  

Jacob choked back a laugh. This Vincent really did sound like a little man. 

Vincent turned to Jacob, not making eye contact. “What are we going to do here? Will it require me to get dirty?”

Jacob shook it off. If he just pretended not to be insulted with this little boy, he would probably stop. “You each much choose one of Batman’s enemies to pretend to be.” 

“I’m the Joker.” Max proudly announced. The Joker had always been his favorite villain. 

Vincent gasped, seemingly offended. “How dare you! I want to be the Joker.” 

The two boys glared at each other as Jacob looked between them, wondering what to do. He knew the respectful thing would be to make Max give up the role for his guest, but he didn’t want to ruin his son’s birthday. However, Vincent would only keep pestering if he didn’t let him play the part. Jacob wanted to avoid as much conflict as possible. Reluctantly, he turned to Max. 

“Max, let your guest have the role.” 

Max looked so sad, that for a second Jacob feared he would cry. That would be a very embarrassing thing for a six-year-old on his birthday. But luckily Max just sighed.

“I’ll be the Riddler then.” he begrudgingly replied. 

Each of the boys went on to choose a different villain, some of them doubling up, but the atmosphere of the party had dropped. Everyone except Vincent seemed gloomy and sad now. Jacob wanted to kick himself. He should have asked Emily on one of his nightly calls with her. But he didn’t ask any questions, not wanting to show weakness. 

They went through the preparation games that Jacob had gotten ready, but no one except Vincent, who always wanted to get his way, seemed to have any fun at all. Jacob felt his heart sinking. He had failed as a father after all. 

But, at precisely 4:30, the door swung open. Jacob, who’d forgotten about his arrangement with his brother, smiled bigger than he had since he had made the arrangement. For once, he was glad for his brother’s fanboy qualities. Dominic was dressed in a full-on Batman costume, complete with a mask. 

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall!” he shouted, using Max’s favorite Batman quote. The six-year-old beamed. If he recognized his uncle’s voice, he didn’t say it. “Gotham City is my city!” 

“Not for long!” Max shouted. He charged at Dominic and the rest of the boys, even Vincent, followed his lead. 

Jacob smiled, watching his dorky brother roleplay scenes from Batman movies with all of the boys. Sure, it was weird (and a bit disturbing) to watch, but Max was having fun and that was all he cared about. At precisely 4:45, Emily arrived and looked with curiosity at the scene in front of her. 

“What is all this?” she asked, kissing her husband. 

“You won’t believe it,” he replied, “But my dorky brother actually saved the day.” 

Emily smiled. “I’m excited to hear that story.”   

Jacob smiled back, half proud of himself and half plain relieved that she was back. “I bet you are.”