The Difference

"There she goes. Thinking she's so perfect just because she has a nice body."

"I can't stand her, she's always so happy, there's nothing to be that happy about."

"Why can't I have the perfect body and smile? Why can't I wear clothes like that?"

So many thoughts raced through Liana's head. She was never content with herself, and never present in the moment.

You could be talking to her but she would not hear you. Her mind constantly fighting to hear what you were saying yet wondering why that person couldn't stop staring at her. It must have been her stomach, or it must have been that she was just so tall, like a giant.

Throughout her entire childhood and teenage years she was always stuck. Stuck in a place where she was trying to be a person who she clearly was not. Every time she expressed her creativity it was shot down. "Why are you so weird? Why do you wear your hair like that?" She didn't realize those were the voices of people who were hurt and wanted to hurt her to feel better about themselves.

Third grade through seventh, she had no friends, just people who would stare at her and laugh. She never spoke to anyone, she'd would walk through the hallways with her eyes on the floor. If she made eye contact with anyone, she would quickly look away. She always sat in the furthest seat back, you see, she didn't want to block anyone's view and hear them complain loudly, "I can't see over this giant!".

In the eighth grade she met Sarai, a beautiful girl who she became best friends with. Liana always kept up with Sarai's favorite colors, her favorite food, even the way she ate it. She became obsessed with the way Sarai dressed, and even started to wear makeup like her. If there was a favorite show Sarai had, you'd better believe Liana was on top of it too.

"Why can't you just be yourself?" Sarai asked. "You don't have to dress like me or act like me. Just be you, and don't worry about what others have to say. They are not happy with themselves so they project that onto you, don't let them win."

Liana didn't understand. Her feelings were hurt every time someone ridiculed her for the way she looked. Whether it was her big curly hair, the gap between her two front teeth, or the fact that she was taller than everyone in the school, it was always something. Someone was always pointing at her and laughing.

You see, Liana was not only ridiculed at school, but also at home. She was always told that she was not pretty, and that she was too fat. Surely Sarai could not understand the way Liana felt. Sarai was beautiful, she stood about five foot four, beautiful long and straight hair, her nose was shaped perfectly and her teeth perfectly straight. She had a beautiful white smile and a perfectly proportioned body. Nobody had ever made fun of her, in fact, all the boys loved her and she had many girl friends. She didn't even have to try, people just wanted to be her friend. She was physically and spiritually beautiful, never judged anyone, she was best friends with Liana, the ugliest girl in the school.

Despite Sarai knowing that Liana wanted to be just like her, she still loved her unconditionally, like a best friend should. They went everywhere together, and she always hyped up Liana's ideas.

They went on to be friends until the day they graduated high school. Sarai married her high school sweet heart and had children, so she didn't have much time to spend with her friend.

Liana started taking pictures and editing them, posting them online and getting into dating websites. She looked for male validation. She craved attention, and would stop at nothing to get it.

This led to many heart breaks and wounds. When she turned 23 she realized that everyone around her was happy and she wondered why she couldn't be as happy as they were.

At 24 Liana met a man named Don & that is when she realized all she wanted to do was be herself. She didn't want to lie anymore, she didn't want to pretend to be someone who she was not. She wanted to be her truest self so that this man would love her for who she truly was, not who she pretended to be. Don taught her to meditate and taught her that if she wanted to be at peace, she must clear her conscience. Not only that, but she had to forgive. She had to forgive herself and forgive those who hurt her. Through many tears and lonely months, Liana fought to silence the voices in her head. She realized that it was never about silencing the voices, but sorting them out. She needed to talk to herself out loud so that she could make sense of them.

The more Liana dedicated time to herself, and less time to social media, she became peaceful. She started to glow, and she started to love herself. Something she had never felt. She had to accept that she was made unique by God, and that she had to release the thoughts that others put into her head. That she did. She started talking to herself and everything started to make sense. She sat on her living room floor every morning and gave thanks to God for waking her up. Her chest felt lighter, and she could finally have a conversation with Don, giving him her full and undivided attention. She could finally sit in a room full of people, and be the only one smiling. She was happy, you could feel her energy when she walked into a room. Her glow was immaculate, the more she became in tune with herself, the more she was able to help others get out of their shell.

Liana continues to walk through this world, but now when people look at her, she knows it's because she is beautiful. When she talks, you can hear her smile. She learned to love herself and because of this she was able to let her cup overflow into the hearts of others. Such a kind soul was masked behind anger for her entire life. Liana realized that many of the people she thought were happy, actually were not. They did not understand true peace and self acceptance. Those people pretended to have perfect lives because they did not want to be left behind by their friends. That could have been her, moving through life pretending to love it but secretly wanting to die. Many people are angry just because she is happy, they wonder, "How can she be so happy? What is there to be so happy about?".

Now that she knows this, she accepts and loves all people, because that used to be her. Angry at other peoples happiness and success. You must look within yourself for your peace, don't depend on others. You must learn to let go of people, even the people you love. To reach true peace, all your love must be given to yourself. Only then will you truly be happy. Accept your mistakes, and forgive yourself for them, and always make a conscious effort to become better than you were five minutes ago. When there is nothing left to fix in you, then help others fix themselves.