A Lost Proposal

DID SHE EVEN CARE? That's all Alice could think as she stood in front of the restaurant. The night sky above her and the crisp air. It was the makings of what could be a perfect night. If only Pol was here. Alice chewed on her lip, teetering on her perfect pink heels, scrolling through her phone. Every few seconds, she would look up at the time, staring back at her-- mocking her.

The minutes ticked by. Not a call. Or text. How long had it been? They were to lose the reservation soon. Alice let out a long-drawn breath, watching it form in smoke before her. Her stomach growled as a couple sauntered passed her, entering the restaurant.

"Screw it," Alice concluded, turning on her heels. She drew the door open in haste.

"Alice, wait!"

Pol was right behind her, hand on Alice's shoulder. There was a bright smile on Pol's face, despite her being utterly out of breath. Her eyes trailed up and down Alice's body, chewing on her lip. "You look great."

"You look tired." Alice walked in, tucking her hands into the pocket of her coat. The piano was light on their ears, small chatter of the guests. Alice walked up to the hostess.

"Reservation for McCarthy," Alice drawled, ready to eat. She was starving.

The hostess flipped through her book, a frown crossing her lips. Alice could already feel the bad news coming as the woman looked back up at them. "It seems that since you were twenty minutes late, we've given your table to another. We'll have one ready for you soon, about a ten-minute wait."

Knowing Alice's reaction, Pol stepped in front, a slight smile on her face. "Thank you," she nodded, placing her hands on Alice's shoulder to walk away.

"I'm sorry," Pol grumbled, as they took a seat in the waiting area. "You know how work can be."

"I would've texted," Alice spoke curtly, not even looking at Pol. "Or called. Or I don't know, had someone text you. Not leave you waiting outside like an idiot."

Pol chewed on her lips, fingers messing with the edge of her blouse. "You could've gone in without me, I was coming."

"And eat alone?" Alice snapped, finally raising her gaze. Those eyes of hers were like fire. Raging. Uncontrollable. Her eyes were one of the many reasons Pol had fallen in love with her. Now, they were the reason she was afraid. "I shouldn't have to. We've been together for four years, Pol. Four years of late dinners, late meetings, going to parties late-- Can we show up to a party together for once?"

"My work is demanding, Alice. You know this--"

Alice stood up, tucking her purse underneath her shoulder. She made eye contact with the hostess. "Forget the table," she uttered out, storming towards the door. Pol quickly followed, her stomach doing flips.

Winter was coming in full force, the cold hit them like a truck. "Alice," Pol called out, trying to keep up with Alice's long and quick strides. "Alice, wait--"

"That's all I ever do, Polly!" Alice finally snapped, whipping around to face. Pol stared up at her girlfriend with wide-eyes, heart thumping so hard in her chest she could feel it in her throat. "You forgot about me at the airport. You remember that?"

Pol licked her chapped lips, struggling to answer. "I sent a cab--"

"Thirty minutes after I landed," Alice interrupted. "Is this what I'm in for? For the rest of my life? Waiting on you. I get it. Your work is important. Well, I am too." Alice grew quiet, seething in anger. Her chest was heaving heavily, her mouth dry. Tears had begun to fall from her eyes in frustration, lightly trickling down her puffed cheeks. She wiped them away.

"We're supposed to find a happy middle," Alice began, this time, calmer... quieter. "And it's always seemed like I come second. I wouldn't mind if, on days like today, I came first. If you're going to choose your career over me, then don't string me along. Cut me loose."

Pol stepped forward. "I don't want to cut you loose." Pol was at a loss for words, she never was good at communicating her feelings. "I love you."

Alice sniffled, a bitter grin on her painted lips. "Maybe not enough. Maybe not as much as I love you."

"Why would you say that?" Pol questioned. "I love you more than I've ever loved someone before." Another beat of silence. Pol shook her head. "I'm not going to give up my career to please you-"

"That's not what I'm asking-"

"Stop interrupting me," Pol hissed. "I love you, Alice. I do. But my career is something I worked hard for. I take joy in my work. I love my job. You can't ask me to give that up for you. Someone's gotta pay the bills."

Alice laughed. "Really?" She smiled, almost hauntingly. "Because my job is so unimportant?"

Pol shook her head. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?" Alice pressed. "That without you, I would be struggling on the streets. That I should just put up with your bullcrap because you pay a larger portion of the rent? Well, I'm sorry that I chose to do something that I love even if it meant not making six fucking figures."

"Alice--"

"No," she insisted, holding up her hand. Silence. The two stared at each other. Pol could feel her stomach rising up to her throat. She wanted to puke. As Pol stood there, staring into Alice's eyes-- she watched Alice fall out of love with her in an instant. Pol's hand went to her pocket, fear bubbling inside of her. "I should go," Alice whispered, her voice cracking.

Pol felt tears flutter down her face. "Alice, please wait." Pol reached out for, but Alice pulled free from her grip. Her heel caught in the crack in the sidewalk almost sent her tumbling down, landing in Pol's hands. "Alice, please just listen to me."

Alice shook herself from Pol's hands, brushing herself off. She didn't speak. Pol reached back into her pocket, her finger running over the velvet box. Call out to her, Pol thought. Just do it. She took her hand out of her pocket, using it to wipe her eyes.

The girl turned towards the street, holding out her hand. "Taxi!" She yelled, quickly wiping the rest of her tears. Pol gazed over to Alice one last time, watching the girl walk down to dimly lit streets. As a taxi pulled up to her, Alice turned a corner, disappearing from sight.