Obsolete in A Dead Man’s Land

Sensitive Content:

The story reflects the life of a young woman who is abused to the point of suicide but is rescued by strangers who see that she has special powers. There is drug abuse and sexual harm in the story.

You are the man of my dreams. You are.

And, I wish to tell you my story. I wish that you know me, my love. What I tell you now I have never told another, at least not all of it.

When I first saw you getting your hair cut, so insecure, almost worried. We giggled and I gave you the encouragement of a thumb’s up. It might not have seemed like it but I began to love you then.

In Oaxaca City, where I am from, three of us, all sisters, there were also two brothers and another sister, but three of us were going to University on academic scholarships. My little brother, later, would do the same. When they killed him he was going to University. They shot him six times: two in the knees, in the shoulders, in the head. But, before that, I was studying business accounting and enjoyed it. I liked school.

Then I fell in love. Julio was a beautiful man, a little older than me. He pursued me and eventually got me. He was going to support my studies and we had plans for our future. 

Then, he got a good job in Acapulco and my life began to fall apart.

At first it was good. People were nice, it was an adventure for me. I had never been outside Oaxaca, so the language, customs, food was so different…

I started working cleaning a house for some very wealthy people, a couple with a young daughter.

We were in Acapulco for a little more than two years, then he lost his job and only I was working. Then, I lost my job, the husband wanted me to go to bed with him.

My man did odd jobs but we could not pay the rent. The landlord was friendly and let us stay without paying rent for five months. Then, he wanted me. He said he would forget the rent and not denounce us if I would sleep with him. I said no. Julio said yes, and so I slept with him.

Then, my beautiful man brought the butcher and the vegetable merchant. He started taking, while selling, cocaine. Then he brought drinking friends and potential customers.

I stole some money and ran away. I came back to my family’s home. But, I could not stay for long. It was boring, taking care of everybody like before and I felt angry toward men. I wanted to scream and dance and conquer them and never give in completely.

I moved to Puerto Escondido and went to work as a cobbler of mainly women’s shoes. I liked it, making shoes. I was smoking cocaine. I met a man who was all passion. I did not make love to him but needed somebody. I wanted to have children and a home. I want children still, and a home. 

He smoked a lot of cocaine and sold it at the beach. We never had a nice place to live and when we needed more money I would work in the street selling my pussy.

I quit my cobbler’s job over an issue of them thinking that a girl had stolen money from them and I knew she had not. Later, I found out she got her job back by telling them that I was the thief.

He, Antonio, started beating me.

At first I understood that he was angry and confused about life. Then, I understood that he was just evil. I also understood that I was stupid and not much above dirt.

He had me working the streets, and making his meals and cleaning the apartment. If I was a little tired he would beat me. If I did not bring back enough money he beat me. If I was late with his meals or there was something he found dirty I was beaten.

I did not care. I smoked, fucked, got beat, smoked. I did not want to die but I did not care about life.

One night a man in a car called me over. He said that he had a customer for me at a big hotel who would pay over two hundred dollars for three hours. It was around ten o’clock and slow on the street so I went with him.

He drove me to the side of the hotel where two men got in. One in front beside me and one behind. Then he started to drive again. I protested but the one behind me put his arm around my neck and held me choking like that.

They drove to an abandoned beach and the one on the side of me, who had been tearing my clothes off and feeling me, pulled out a knife and cut me on the shoulder. They laughed. He made me blow him there while the driver stuck his finger in my anus.

They dragged me out of the car and began to beat me. Then they dragged me to the water and put my head under.

That is why I am still so afraid of the sea. I love the sea but am afraid to touch it.

They held me under water and ordered me to do what they wanted. Every time I hesitated or just tried to rest they held me underwater.

They did everything to me, beat me, cut me, everything from ten to around four in the morning.They took most of my clothes and laughed, leaving me in the sand.

I found things to cover myself in some garbage cans and ran, trying to get back home before the morning light or the police caught me. I did not make it. I was so ashamed to be so naked, in rags that did not cover. And people were so mean to me.

When I arrived at home he was not there but the key was and I went in, running to the bathroom to wash myself. I did not hear him but he dragged me out of the shower by the hair, screaming that he waited all night for his dinner and all morning for his breakfast.

He did not seem to notice my cuts and bruises, the sand all over me. I told him I had been beaten and raped. He said, get him his breakfast and give him my money.

I told him everything had been stolen. He started beating me. I ran into the shower and turned it on. I did not care if he beat me in the shower as long as I could clean myself.

He left me on the shower floor.

When I came out he threw a dress at me and told me to get out and get some money and not to come back without money. He flipped open his knife and told me he would kill me if I came back without money.

I left.

I walked the streets that morning but nobody wanted something like me.

Nearly exhausted I was passing the Club Nautico when a Frenchman and some Spaniards came out. He caught hold of me or I fell into him, I do not remember, but he asked me what had happened to me. I told him I just needed to rest and eat.

The Frenchman stared at me for a long time, then seemed to make up his mind and took me into the Club and to his boat and washed me, never touching me in that way. He cleaned me and I told him I could not go back home without money. He told me not to go home. He said I could stay as long as I wished. That the bed I was on was my bed from now on.

That is how I got to meet the Brujos. They were nice to me, and always laughing about things. They threatened my man and he left me alone. Eventually, with their smiling and their remedies, I healed. My body healed and my recognition, my knowledge of the self that was mine, but I was unconscious of, was created.

The Frenchman introduced me to La Santa Muerte because he knew who I was, though I did not. I thought I was just a girl who was fucked up and found out I was taking a voyage, like you, but taking a voyage to see mixtures of the world from beneath it. I was an immortal, thinking I was just like these others and this is what was actually fucking up my mind. They taught me that we are individual spirits who have an obligation to form strengths and assist other spirits, which is what they did for me and others had done for them. 

Those who worry and fight life are an aside to our responsibilities for learning and practicing what we learn. True character in those who search for it is what we look for, and assist, like you. We always need to defend an offence to us which you will soon see with the Capitan and your crew. But now, I wish you to know that we can also love those who are flesh and blood. 

I am like you also. I know you, all of you and that is the reality of me, and the pains that need quenching… You are in pain. You, all of you are so much in pain that you think happiness is when you start to smile. You have been so blind. Happiness, my love, is merely a power. All of you have many many powers, not as fine or even as grand as mine but you do have them. You have to look for us to show you what you are, what those like you, Rod, search for.

I gained so much with and through them, and it took so long to know why they helped me. I was myself before I knew it. One day the boat was gone. That was it. But it was fine though because, I already knew what I was here for, and I knew this was me taking my first steps as a bruja. 

Today, I rule this area by my force of will, which is power. I would be happy if I could find a way to stop the pain in this power. The pain is gone when you are near.

Okay, that was how my life was when we met. I told you, remember, that I worked the streets. You did not condemn me or anything I expected. We talked, and then we made love, and then we loved.

My heart has a covering that falls away every time I see you, like it was a frozen coat over hot coal. I love you and give thanks every minute that you are you. I feel very much alive and want your children. Your, our children will be gods and goddesses, you see. It is what will be. 

I awoke and was alone again… or maybe I had always been alone and it was a dream? I looked around, smelling incense and feeling the humidity of the day. It was confusing in the innocent way as when you come out of a movie and are still experiencing it but know it is all in your head.

A little girl came and brought me a bowl of soup. A little boy came and brought me a glass of water. They both said nothing to my thank-yous, and just left after I took the bowl and glass. I watched them go away into the shrubbery. There was no wind or breeze and I felt engulfed in wet heat. I was sweating with a smell that I did not remember as one of mine.