Stella's Life Adventure

Stella sits in the corner of her room. As usual, the music she has chosen to listen to is blaring from her Bluetooth speaker. She knows no other level other than eardrum busting when it comes to her favorite music. She is dressed in her usual casual outfit. The dress she wears is plain black and hangs loosely from her thin frame. Stella is usually a happy person who enjoys her life to the fullest. Lately, however, something in her world has been off. She feels as though she is residing in a scary place where the darkness never stops spinning. She feels trapped in this never-ending maze of sorrow, and she does not know how to escape. This has her feeling fearful and scared beyond measure.

She has never experienced this before, so she feels that it is the devil entering into her life. It is as if the devil is perked upon her shoulders. He whispers nothing but complete garbage into her ear. Stella had not always been the most popular girl in school, so she had experienced occasional bullying from time to time. She figured that the bullying started because her fellow classmates were in the same mental space as she was. They are all teenagers who are on an unsure path and not sure where to turn. Life is very uncertain, and we all have to start to find our way eventually.

It was unfortunate but a necessary part of the life experience. However, now that the devil was comfortably perched within her space, the ugliness that she had always received and then threw on to the back burner was now becoming the absolute truth.

Swirling in a repeated cycle of darkness can wear on you. The darkness is unrelenting and essentially poisonous to your well-being. Stella was slowly beginning to feel the effects of the extreme sadness. She felt like a slug in the mornings and all she wanted to do was retreat back under her covers and hide from the world in front of her. Just thinking about the bustling of the world gave her an instant headache. She was having never-ending episodes of crying and the funny thing is that she did not even know why she was upset. Truth be told, it could probably be chalked up to teenage hormones and angst.

Stella was even struggling to breathe. It was like some twenty-pound weights had landed on her lungs. This left her feeling suffocated by life. Overwhelmed and not sure where to turn. Even her usual music was not helping this terrible amount of misery was overtaking her. Stella had grown up in a home where seeking help for your mental stability was considered bad and essentially negative.

Because of the way she grew up, seeking help for a mental issue never crossed her mind. That is, until now. She knew deep down that her soul was screaming and begging to be released from this state of mental despair. Stella was not at all sure how she would bring up this sticky subject to her parents. Feeling unsure about serious conversations was Stella’s least favorite feeling in the world. She had to overcome this and do this for herself. She was sweating and drowning in anxiety. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, and the subject had not even been approached yet.  She was uncertain how she would get through this moment without passing out or having some sort of other emergencies.

She had spent hours upon hours prepping her speech and figuring out how she would tell her mother that she needed help she could not give her. Her mother studied psychology in school so one might assume that she would be the first one to understand how overwhelming life can become, especially at Stella’s age. This might end up going easier than she thought. Stella stalled for hours before she found the courage to face her mother. Her mother was the nurturing type who rarely let anything slide by, especially when it had something to do with her only true love and daughter.

Stella had bet that her mother would instantly notice the clear difference in her behavior. After all, it was her job to help other people understand why they are feeling the way that they do. It was her job to detect worthlessness and assess the need of those who are feeling less than excellent.  She was a therapist. She was paid to talk to complete strangers and help them navigate the tough and bumpy nature of life’s fickle course. Why would she hesitate to treat her daughter in the same manner she treated her clients? Besides the obvious mother/daughter boundary, she could not think of any other reason why her mother would not be willing to accept that her daughter was screaming out for help.

This just goes to show how much power environmental influence can have on someone’s psyche. Even the ones that are lucky enough to grow up in a nurturing surrounding. Turns out, Stella’s assumption about her mother noticing a change in her behavior was absolutely correct. Stella was brutally honest with her mother and told her exactly how she felt. She even mentioned that she felt trapped and that it felt like life was meaningless. This was way off of the charts, especially when you consider all of Stella’s usual attitudes towards life. It turns out that Stella did not need to be nervous about telling her mother at all. Her mother even encouraged her to seek therapy services multiple times a week.  She also understood that due to their mother and daughter relationship, it was not ethical nor was it sufficient for her mother to provide Stella with counseling services. It is basically an understood fact that it helps to talk to someone who does not have any significant relationship with the person who is seeking counseling. There is no fear of judgment or attachment in this instance.

Stella was very relieved that her mother understood that she needed serious help that friends or family could not provide. It was almost as if a huge brick had been lifted from her chest. She was finally free of the fear laden chains that were holding her back. She no longer had to hide her true feelings from her mother, which was the person who she is closest to in life.

On her first day of counseling, Stella woke up in a state of panic. Her blankets and sheets were sopping wet with a load of her fearful sweat. She kept trying to tell her mind that it was not a big deal, but for some reason, her mind refused to believe her. This is truthfully her first time dealing with anxiety. She can faithfully say that she hates it and does not understand why her mind freaks out over every little thing, no matter how big or small.

After hours of pacing around like an animal trapped in the world’s worst zoo, Stella finally convinces her body that it is time to calm down and drive to therapy. The courage it takes for her to actually get in the car and drive to an unfamiliar place to meet with an unfamiliar person to discuss her personal problems is nothing short of remarkable.  Once she found her parking space, she felt her body relax and take in the peace surrounding her. She mustered up the courage and headed for her appointment.

Her therapist was an extremely attractive and put-together woman. She was one of those people who wore her glasses around a string on her neck. She fit the bill of helping professionals perfectly. She was very friendly and was attentive to all of Stella’s issues. It turns out that the darkness she was experiencing was normal for teenagers in her age range and beyond. It was her hormones reacting to her growing body and feelings.

As more and more therapy sessions became a thing, the more normal Stella had begun to feel. She found herself excited to wake up in the morning and ready to tackle her goals for the first time in an extended period of time. She began to enjoy life again and take pleasure in every single thing and in every second that she was able to live life. She was headed toward the light and the happiness. She soon figured out that lightness is something everyone wishes to achieve in their lives. She now understood all of the memes around the internet about searching for and finding the light of happiness. She always knew that she could shine brightly, it just turns out that she needed a little assistance to make that a reality. Finally, for the first time in her life, seeking and needing help to live life was perfectly okay.