Contest #172 winner 🏆

162 comments

Coming of Age Fiction Sad

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

Mom works. She never picks me up from school, and two miles is too close for a bus pickup, which is fine by me because I like cutting through the woods. Especially on autumn days, when the air is cool, and the flies and mosquitos are gone, and basketball practice hasn’t begun. I like the quiet. I like the wordlessness of the walk.

A pretty sugar maple dressed in vivid orange frills beckons me off the path. I stand to look at her. I sound like a weirdo, I know. A sixteen-year-old boy calling a sugar maple pretty. It was Dad that taught me to appreciate trees before he hung himself from one. I love ‘em even more, now, Dad and trees. Did you know the oldest maple is five hundred years old? They call it the Comfort Tree. Dad said all trees are comfort trees.

           I search the sugar maple for a perfect orange leaf - I think I’ll press the leaf between two sheets of waxed paper like I did when I was a kid – but I can’t find a perfect orange leaf. It doesn’t matter. We don’t even have waxed paper at home. We don’t save things at home.

I follow a line of golden, round-leaved aspens to the creek, a grove of clone trees grown from the root system of the male. “Aspis means shield in Greek,” Dad said. “Aspens are protectors and inspire courage.” Brave aspens. Magic aspens. I wonder, Dad, did it take courage to kill yourself? Did you care about leaving me?

“Depression is a villain,” the therapist said. “That villain convinced your father the world was better off without him.”

I could have slayed the villain. If I had only told Dad how much I needed him.

I sigh. I try to take a deeper breath. I inhale the dank smell of cold dirt and dropped leaves. I smell Dad, the amalgam of decomposition and old blood. I didn’t know what the smell was when I was a kid. I didn’t know what a medical examiner did. The smell was a thick smell and sweet. I knew, only, that the smell was my dad. I’ve got a friend, Jimmy, who likes the smell of skunks.

My backpack is light, no books, not much homework. With it being the end of the semester and the week before Thanksgiving, teachers don’t add to their piles of ungraded papers. I drop my bag at a willow. I strip a branch of its leaves. I sit on a rock. I pretend to fish.

“Knock. Knock,” I say. “Who’s there?”

“Fish on a hook out of water.”

“Dad? Is that you?”

I reach to unhook him, but he slips through my fingers. How did I let my dad slip through my fingers?

“It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could do.” The therapist said it. Mom said it, but I know Mom doesn’t feel that way.

I keep photographs of Dad in a tackle box. His eyes look sad even as his face smiles. In a birthday photo, we wear matching red hats on our heads, the paper cone kind with the elastic bands that dig under our chins. His body leans into me. His arms hug me enthusiastically. He looks at me. I look at the cake. My mouth is open in the ready position to blow out six candles. I am happy. We were happy. But I see his sadness captured by the photograph. Maybe because his smile looks a little like the same fake smile, I make in all my school pictures. Maybe because his lips are dry and look a little too stretched over his teeth. Or because the corners of his mouth don’t go up into his cheeks in an easy way.

I am seven years too late for more knock, knock, jokes. I am seven years too late to make him laugh, seven years too late to make him happier, seven years too late to give him reasons to stay. I should have made him not want to leave us.

I want to tell Mom that I walk through the woods, but she worries. “Apples and trees,” I heard her say. “I will spend my life trying to keep him alive.” She means me. She means keep me alive. I want to tell her that her burden makes me angry, that it crushes me, that it flattens me. I want to tell her not to worry about me, but I’m scared. I’m scared as if her thought is a premonition.

I pick up my backpack and I follow the creek that leads to the oak tree in the yard, to the black scar on its trunk from where a thick limb once reached upward. I sit on a branch that spreads over the ground. All the oak’s branches have turned toward the ground. “Dad?” I smell decomposition and old blood. I smell the vanilla in the old oak’s tree bark, the smell Dad taught me to notice. I feel the strength in the old oak’s trunk.

In the kitchen I see the bowl full of apples, a white oak bowl full of red apples. It hits me why the bowl is there. Seven years of apples in a white oak bowl sitting on the kitchen countertop and I only, now, see why my mom puts them there. “Apples and trees. I will spend my life trying to keep him alive.” The white oak is Dad. The apples are me.

I pull each apple from the bowl. I line them up on the countertop. Seven apples. Seven years. I inspect each apple for bruises and blemishes. Not a single bruise on any of the apples. It’s a sign, my sign. I am an apple from only the best parts of the tree. I feel taller. I am sure. I’ve slayed the villain that was hiding inside me.

“Mom,” I say, when she walks into the kitchen. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

November 18, 2022 23:40

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162 comments

Philip Ebuluofor
19:15 Nov 27, 2022

Fine work I do not doubt it. It deserves the win. Congrats.

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Zakirah Green
18:03 Nov 27, 2022

Nature heals. A very relateable story. '' I inhale the dank smell of cold dirt and dropped leaves.'' I know that smell.

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Lisa Lange
06:14 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you for sharing you found the story relatable and I agree with you on nature and healing.

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Rabab Zaidi
14:06 Nov 27, 2022

What a beautiful , poignant story!

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Lisa Lange
06:14 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you Rabab! I’m so happy you thought so.

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Aymen Rani
12:36 Nov 27, 2022

Lisa! What is your title and where you write it ? Plzz

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18:46 Nov 26, 2022

Beautifully written.

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Lisa Lange
06:15 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you Bonnie!

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Lila Schuyler
17:32 Nov 26, 2022

I needed this. Reminded me of my story and this really gave me a big realization. Thank you.

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Lisa Lange
06:19 Dec 07, 2022

Lila, Thank you! This means a lot to me.

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Antara Srikanth
14:57 Nov 26, 2022

Congratulations for the win. A beautiful and a poignant story.

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Lisa Lange
06:20 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you Antara!

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Suma Jayachandar
04:17 Nov 26, 2022

A story so simple in theme yet so rich in imagery, metaphors and symbolism. A masterclass in use of words. Congratulations!

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Lisa Lange
06:22 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you so much Suma!

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Jenn Brown
03:49 Nov 26, 2022

Hi Lisa, Congratulations on your win! I truly enjoyed your story. Jenn

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Lisa Lange
06:23 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you Jenn!

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Brenda Wilkins
01:00 Nov 26, 2022

Your words are like a brush painting a picture that allows us to walk with this young man and feel each and every step. Thank you for putting this touching piece in the world for us all to share!

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Lisa Lange
06:25 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you so much for reading it Brenda! I really appreciate you letting me know how you connected!

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Tommy Goround
23:51 Nov 25, 2022

Boom. There it is.

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Lindsay Flo
23:20 Nov 25, 2022

Congratulations! Very simple, eloquent, sad and moving all at once. Wonderful use of metaphors as well!

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Lisa Lange
06:27 Dec 07, 2022

Thank you Lindsay!

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Talia Pierce
21:05 Nov 25, 2022

I definitely loved the symbolism in this. I think this prompt moved a lot of writers, and you did a great job applying it. Well deserved win!!

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Lisa Lange
06:28 Dec 07, 2022

I appreciate that Talia. Thanks for reading it!

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Sean McGillis
19:20 Nov 25, 2022

Beautiful writing Lisa. Your story is deeply meaningful to me and I ran across it on exactly the right day. Nobody should ever feel as if they can slay someone elses dragons and villains. You can only conquer your own. 🌟 ✨️ 🌟 💫

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Lisa Lange
20:49 Nov 25, 2022

Thank you Sean for your comments. I am so glad you found meaning in my story.

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Nancy Camp
18:51 Nov 25, 2022

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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Lisa Lange
20:50 Nov 25, 2022

Thank you Nancy

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Marko Fogg
18:21 Nov 25, 2022

It was lovely and moving.

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Lisa Lange
20:50 Nov 25, 2022

Thank you Marko

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Kendall Defoe
18:01 Nov 25, 2022

Okay, I like this one. Well-deserved win...! 🏆

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Lisa Lange
20:51 Nov 25, 2022

Much appreciated Kendall. Thank you

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Story Time
17:31 Nov 25, 2022

Congratulations, Lisa. I was so glad you won, because it gave me a chance to read your story this morning with my coffee. I thought your use of symbolism was wonderful without being overdone, and it flowed so nicely.

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Lisa Lange
20:52 Nov 25, 2022

I really appreciate the feedback Kevin. Thank you!

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Jenn Garner
17:30 Nov 25, 2022

Definitely understood the deep rooted feelings in this one. Well done.

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Lisa Lange
20:52 Nov 25, 2022

Thanks Jenn. That means a lot.

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Ela Mikh
17:22 Nov 25, 2022

So moving, so heartfelt! Thank for sharing!

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Lisa Lange
20:53 Nov 25, 2022

Thank you Ela!

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