It Ends With Us

With exquisite skill and talent, Matt Perucho would show her the man he was. No longer would he be the dorky Asian kid, but with her on his arm, the coolest guy in school. He knew this was his chance to impress Lani Macatangay, his true love.

He felt the three rubber balls in his pocket, then tapped his foot; pressed his pants straight with his hands, and pulled at his collar.

In his best suit, bought for his cousin’s wedding last summer, he practically sparkled in the pale blue with a matching tie. He knew he looked good in it, his Mom and all his Aunties said so, but once baggy on his frame, now it squeezed tight at his neck, and cinched his shoulders.  

Matt hovered on the front steps of Skyline High School like he did every morning, hoping to catch her as she walked by.

He ran through ideas of what he would say, “Hello Lani’, in a deep voice, or maybe, ’Hey girl, check this out’. 

 And he would casually take the balls out of his pocket and do the routine he had been practicing all week. Maybe she would want to learn! They could meet after school every day, he would show her how to carefully throw the balls, and how to catch them.   

His heart raced as he clocked her coming near. Matt kept his head low, eyes flicking up as Lani walked by, leaning into her two friends. Her chocolate brown eyes canted at an angle, wide and large in her almond shaped face, giving her the look of an Anime character. Her thick black hair, in a trick of the morning light, glimmered in electric blue as it cascaded around her. Silver hoops popped in and out as she turned to giggle at her friend’s joke. Her laugh, a tinkling wind chime, struck a chord of longing in Matt.

She had cut her blue t-shirt to show off her narrow waist, and her jeans hung low on her hips. Her belly button exposed, winked at him as she kicked her black Adidas at two gray doves picking at a spilled bag of chips.  

A musky honey scent lingered as she passed, filling his dreams with visions not approved by any of his Aunties.

Lost in reverie, he almost missed his chance.

He pulled out the juggling balls from his pocket, losing one as it caught on the fabric of his pants. 

“Hey Lani!” He squeaked, scrambling on one knee to catch the bouncing ball. 

He caught it just as he saw Lani turning to look at him, along with the rest of the school.  

Matt smiled. “How’s your morning going?” 

He tossed the first of the three balls up, the second, and then the third. He caught the first one, and heard the kids laughing. “Look at that clown!” another student said. 

But something was wrong. The suit jacket strained at his arms, Matt couldn’t get his hands in position fast enough and the balls started veering and then, diving to catch a wayward ball he missed it! 

Glancing off his fingers he watched in horror as first one, then the others launched forward and bounced off Lani’s electric blue-black head. 

Matt learned he didn’t need to teach Lani how to throw, as she whipped the rubber balls back at him like a fastball pitcher. One, two, three strikes, and he was out. 

“Juggling? Of all the dumb ideas!” A girl’s voice said behind Matt. 

“What?”

 Matt had given up on finding any of the balls, and turned to find a girl next to him. Her dull brown hair lay straight and flat over her balloon round face, while oversized glasses covered up half her face. As always, she wore thick jeans and a baggy sweatshirt, in heavy folds over her skinny figure. Letters spelling ‘Wesleyan ‘ pushed out from by the heavy folds. Sarah Ann, his best friend since they met in middle school, even if she was a white girl.  

“What's wrong with juggling?"

Matt sat down on the steps, with a ripping sound.

"Lani’s gorgeous, and doesn't even know I exist. I had to try something. You would think she would notice the other Filipino boy. Give me a wave, a head nod, but no, nothing.”  

Sarah Ann leaned over Matt to pick up the empty bag of chips on the ground, dumping the last of the crumbs on the sidewalk before crumpling it up to put in her pocket. The hungry doves circled back down to finish their breakfast.  

“Every day you whine about her. Why don’t you just talk to her. Don’t you have a class together? 

“English. “Matt looked down, "Damn, I tore my favorite suit. But she sits in the back, I'm across the room, it's not like we talk about our favorite books or anything. We’re just reading dead, old white guys. 

‘What’s essential is invisible to the eye’, and dumb stuff like that.” 

Matt waved with his hand. “What does that even mean? Not applicable to my life. I wish there was a book about how to get a girl to notice you.

“You could read a romance novel.” Sarah Ann suggested

“A bodice ripper?” Matt laughed. “My mom reads those, with shirtless men on the covers. I don't know how that's going to help me. "I'm more of a pants ripper! Do I run up to her with a rose, ‘Vouly vu couchy avec ma, sa saw?” Or am I Favio, the shy prince, who falls in love with his tutor, and she turns out to be a long lost princess?” 

“So you have read one!” Sarah Ann’s eyes go wide in fake shock

“Just the back cover. You’re always carrying a book. Do you know anything about romance?” Matt turned to Sarah Ann, catching her eye for a moment before she looked away. 

“I'm reading a book by Colleen Hoover, but I wouldn't call it a romance novel-”

“I’ve heard about her!” Matt pointed at his phone. “On TikTok, all the girls are crying over her books, talking about true love. That’s perfect!” 

“The relationships don’t always turn out for the best.” Sarah Ann frowned.

”I like the books because it reminds me that other people had bad things happen to them too, like Paul.” Sarah Ann hugged herself close with both hands.

Matt put her hand on her shoulder. He knew she lost her brother in an accident just before they met in middle school, but he didn’t know what to say. He changed the subject.

“Can you be my coach? Teach me some of the tips from the books so I could get Lani to notice me?.”

“Maybe.” Sarah looked out of the side of her eyes at him, a smile cracking through. “First tip, no juggling!”

“I’m serious, I need your help!” Matthew clasped his hands. “Please?” 

Sarah Ann nodded. “OK. Let’s start tomorrow at lunch.”

Sarah Ann had a well creased copy of ‘It Ends With Us’, and a spiral bound notebook open at their usual picnic table. She pushed her glasses tight against her forehead. 

 Matthew picked the end of the table still in the shade while he used the paper napkins to wipe the sweat off his forehead and cheek. 

“Aren't you hot in that sweatshirt?”

“I’m fine." Sarah stared down at her hands. "I have to ask, why Lani? She’s kind of a bitch.”  

Matt looked off into the distance. “My Aunties said I should get a Filipina girlfriend.” He breathed out, with a sigh. “And she’s gorgeous, her hair, her legs, her laugh…”

Sarah clenched her teeth. 

“OK. First your name. Matt' s too plain. You need a dramatic name like Rile, Atlas, or Callahan-”

“But that’s my name, I can’t change my name!”

“What about - Matthew-, it has a little more heft to it?” Sarah nodded.  

“Let’s talk about your background. “

Sarah tapped her pen onto her notebook. “ In CoHo’s books,” she lifted up the paperback in her hand, "the boy is always a tragic hero.

Do you have any tragedies in your past?” 

She looked up, her light brown eyes staring at Matt intently. “Other than when you puked on Carla Mattheson at Great America in 8th grade.”

“That was more embarrassing than tragic…”

“Tragic for Carla though.” Sarah Ann shook her head.” Anything else?”

Matt took in a shallow breath, remembering. He blinked and looked away. Shutting his mouth, he shook his head. 

“Well then” Sarah raised her eyebrows, looking down her list. “Are you rich, or a neurosurgeon, or have rage issues?” 

Sarah’s pen hovered over her paper. “What about a dope head, alcoholic, or a drunk driver?“

“What are you talking about, I'm 17!”

 “It would help you with Lani, build up your cred as a tragic hero.” 

Matthew started shaking his head but stopped- ‘Rage issues?”

Sarah Ann nodded. “Yes, picking fights with strangers, beating up your girlfriends?”

“That’s a positive?” Matt tilted his head. 

“In CoHo’s books somehow it is.” Sarah Ann wrinkled her nose. “OK, let's see what else. Do you know how to smile like Mona Lisa? 

Matthew's lips twisted into a painful grimace.

“No, not that! You look like you’re constipated! We’ll come back to that. Are you friends with her brother or sister?” Sarah Ann said.  

“No.”

.

“Are you trying to have a fake relationship?”

“No.”

“Sports team romance?”

“No.”

.

“ A mistaken identity? Do you have amnesia?”

“No, and no.” 

“Damn. Ok, we’re going to have to go with something else. How about ‘forced proximity’, like stuck in an elevator together, or in a car together on a long road trip. It’d be even better if you two were in a car crash, there's always a car crash in CoHo’s books-”

“The elevator!” Matt, now Matthew, smiled for the first time.

Before the last class of the day, Matthew stood on the back hallway staircase as he opened the to-go container. 

“ One more step up.” Sarah Ann pointed, “so people can see it but won’t get too close.” 

Matthew poured the cream of chicken soup onto the steps with a plop.

Once the passing bell rang, Sarah Ann and Matthew stood outside the one elevator in the school, a small rickety box that only went up one floor.   

Sarah Ann placed several stolen orange cones and a mop onto the stairs next to the elevator.  

Sarah Ann watched the students get turned away at the fake puke. When Lani walked up, Sarah Ann gestured to Matthew.

“It only holds two people.” She said waving Lani into the elevator where Matthew stood. 

Her clique of friends tried to go anyway, but Sarah Ann body-blocked them. "Two at a time!"

Lani rolled her eyes but then got in, looking at her phone, arms folded, ignoring Matthew. 

“Mona Lisa, tragedy!” Sarah Ann whispered as the doors closed. 

Clunk! The elevator jarred to a stop, and Matthew threw his hands up. “Shit- elevators stuck.”  

He paused, as Sarah Ann hadn't told him what to say next but then suddenly, it didn’t matter. 

Lani lost her mind.

She launched herself at the elevator doors with a scream. “Let me out!” Her fists flailed in a tornado of swirling hair and arms. She stuck her long manicured purple nails in between the closed doors to pull them apart. “Let me out!”

Matt froze, this was not how this was supposed to go down.

“Lani, what’s wrong?”

“I can't be in tight spaces, I can't be here- I’m going to die!”

“It's just an elevator, we’re going to be OK.” 

“My Dad. “Lani sobbed, “locked me in the back of a box truck when I was little, locked in for hours, I still have nightmares!”

“Oh no, I’m sorry.” Matthew said. “I’ll call Sarah Ann.” 

“Why are you calling your girlfriend?” Lani turned to Matthew. 

“She’s not my girlfriend, she might be able to get us out-”

Matthew yelled into the phone. “Sarah!- Lani’s freaking out- can you start it back up?

Matt listens for a moment. ““What do you mean -no?”

Matthew looked over at Lani, tears smearing her makeup. “The elevator is stuck, and-”

“Start it back up? What the heck is happening…” Lani’s fists clenched at her side, a vein at her neck throbbed.

“We, well really she, stopped the elevator so I could have some time with you- ”

“You did this on purpose!” Lani's eyes raged bright red, her black hair levitated as she lunged toward Matthew, fists slamming into his chest.

Matthew wrapped his arm around Lani, squeezing to stop the blows. “It’s going to be OK, just a few minutes and we’ll be out.” 

Lani collapsed into him, her shoulders shaking in sobs. 

“The walls are closing in! There's not enough air. "

"Let's breath together, it calms me down." Matthew said. "In, and then out..."

Lani breathed deep .

You did this just to talk- to me?” She looked up, eyes desperate, tilting her face toward him. 

“But everyone knows you and Sarah Ann are together?”

“I really like you.” Matt said, looking into Lani’s eyes.

 Electricity crackled in the space between them. Matthew couldn't believe she was in his arms, she needed him. She gripped him close, squeezing her body against his.

“I’m so scared. Please hold me.” Lani said, her face moved closer to Matthew. 

He leaned in, closer and closer-

 Suddenly the floor dropped, and the elevator moved again, lowering back down and opening.

 Matthew turned out through the open doors to see the entire school staring back as he held Lani close.

“Ooohh!” A collective gasp from all the kids. “You’re cheating on your girl, Clown boy!” 

Lani pushed against him, two hard fists into his chest. “You’re a pervert Mike!” 

And then rushed out toward her friends. 

“My name’s Matthew!” he called out to the kids, pointing and laughing at him.   

              “That Colleen Hoover book didn’t work too well.” Matthew sat down at the last corner of shade on the picnic bench at lunch the next day.  

“Did you ever think about being yourself? “ Sarah Ann asked. 

“Myself! No one wants that, I’m just a boring person.”

“I don't think you’re boring.” Sarah Ann said, looking up through her eyelashes at him. “Just not a tragic hero.”

“I know tragedy.” Matthew said, his head bent down. He breathed out before speaking. 

“A few years back, riding my bike through an intersection, I fell, and a car swerved to miss me. It crashed into a tree and caught on fire. I was so scared. I saw the fire, and just ran. I left the scene of a crime, and never told anyone. I didn't try to help or anything.” Matt wiped the tears off his face. “I never even found out what happened. I’m a terrible person.”

“On Mountain Boulevard and Keller, like 5 years ago?” Sarah Ann asked.

“Ya,” Matthew looked up, eyes red. “How did you know?”

 Sarah, for the first time since Matthew had met her, pulled her hoodie off, sliding it over her head. At first he only saw her tight belly as her t-shirt lifted up, then his eyes followed each curve of her body as she pulled it back down. Finally he saw the faded marks, burn scars up and down each arm.  

“I was in that car.” She held his eyes in her own. “My brother was too, and -” Sarah Ann paused, her lips trembling, “-he didn’t make it out.” 

Matthew went white, his eyes wide, as his jaw dropped open. 

“But it wasn’t your fault!” Sarah Ann said. “My Dad was drunk, shouldn’t have been driving at all. If he didn’t swerve to miss you, the kid on the bike, he would have hit something else.”

Sarah Ann put her hand on Matthew’s, gripping his fingers tight. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He rubbed his face into his sleeve. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry..”

Sarah Ann fiddled with the items on their lunch trays while the silence stretched out to cover the awkward space between them. 

She picked up an apple, a banana and an orange.

In a quick motion, she tossed them up, levitating them into a simple juggling pattern, the fruit spinning higher and higher with each toss.  

Several kids pointed from nearby. “Dang, she’s good!” They said.  

“You should learn from your girlfriend- Mike-” A boy shouted.

“You can juggle!” Matthew’s eyebrows peaked on his forehead. “You made fun of my juggling-”

“I made fun of you trying to impress a girl with juggling.” Sarah Ann said, still moving the items through the air. 

“I guess,” Matt smiled. “I was trying to impress the wrong girl.”

Sarah Ann faltered, turning as the items fell on the table.

“My Aunties are wrong. White girls are not all bad. “

Matthew’s eyes sparkled.

"We both should stop trying to be who we’re not." She said.

"It ends with us!" Matt said reaching over to grab Sarah Ann's hands.