Look Away

“It’s impossible to tickle yourself.”

“Billy, you know the weirdest crap.”

“It’s a gift.”

“If you say so. I’d say it’s more of an annoyance.”

“Well, I’m sorry that you don’t appreciate my knowledge. One day, this information may help save your life. Then we’ll see what’s annoying.”

“If knowing I can’t tickle myself is gonna save my life, then I’d deserve to be dead. And if you keep saying this kind ofcrap, then you might deserve to be dead too.”

“Damn, Soph, that’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”

“You might think so, but when someone chops your head off cause you can’t shut the hell up, then you’ll remember me warning you.”

“Soph, did you know that the human head keeps processing for fifteen seconds after its cut off?”

“UH! You are impossible!”

“Billy, where’s Sophia going?”

“I kept telling her useless info so she stormed off. What you have planned for tonight, Jay?”

“I was going to grab some PBR and go over to Jimmy’s house. There’s gonna be some people hangin’ out there and I even heard Sam would be there.”

“Really? If she’s really gonna be there, then I’ll hang out too.”

“Cool. Then you think you can swing by and pick me up? You don’t have to take me to get the beer, but if you want, I can get some for you too.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool, just not Pabsts, maybe just some Bud Light. PBR gives me nasty runs the next day.”

“TMI, Billy.”

“Just saying.”

“Check this out. I went to this show on Saturday and the first band was awesome. They did a cover of a Beatles tune and it was like nothin’ I’ve heard before. The bass was playing the lead and the guitarist was doing rhythm. It was incredible.”

“What’s the band’s name?”

“Orphan Spies. I think they need to change it, but who am I to critique their name. The band that I was in last year was pretty good, but with a name like Entrance to Excreta it might’ve been doomed from the start.”

“I still think that was a good name. Probably would have been a better name for a song, oh, or name of the first album.”

“Yeah, you would. You were the one that thought of it.”

“You probably should have known better than to ask me. Anyway, that singer seemed like an asshole. He was always talking about himself in third person. ‘Garrett needs to take a break,’ or ‘did you just hear that note that Garrett hit.’ That dude was so full of himself. I bet he even thought of himself when he rubbed one out.”

“That’s disgusting! Anyways, man, check this out when you can. I’m telling you that shit’s catchy.”

“Here comes Soph again. Guess she needed some Skittles as a pick-me-up.”

“Shit, and with that, I gotta get to class. Hey, if you see Bella, see if she needs a ride tonight.”

“Okay, like I’m gonna talk to Bella. Alright, talk to you later, Jay.”

“Later, Billy.”

“Hey, Billy, why did Jason just say something about Bella. He should know I hate that girl.”

“Who do you like, Soph? Anyways, it’s not like you two are even friends anymore. I know you talk to me, but I’m starting to think it’s only because I’m friends with your ex.”

“That’s not true. We were friends long before Jason even moved here. And our parents are friends.”

“Yeah, that does make better sense.”

“So, what’s Jason have planned now? Is he actually trying to get with that girl?”

“No he…”

“What is it Billy, he want’s to see what it’s like for a guy to get chlamydia? She’s nasty. And so is Jason for wanting to hook up with that one.”

“No he…”

“He wants to follow the entire wrestling team down that rabbit hole? She bragged about it at P.E. and said that she even bumped it with the girl on the team, just to ‘complete the set.’ Her words, not mine.”

“I could understand. Bella is hot.”

“She might be hot, but she is dumb as dirt. She hooked up with a guy in her algebra class to get copies of work and answers to the tests. She’s the kind of person that probably copies the guys name down on her paper. I bet she gets dizzy when she ties her shoes.”

“But Jay doesn’t want to get with her, he’s trying to convince her to join his band.”

“If you tell me that Isabella Gaines is able to play an instrument that‘s not attached to a guy’s body, I’d die of shock.”

“Nah, she can’t play anything that I know of, but she is an amazing singer. And Jay wants to use that, and her hotness to exploit his band.”

“I don’t like her, but I think that’s wrong. Jason’s talented enough to make it on his own merits. He doesn’t need some skank to get his band recognized.”

“True, but it doesn’t hurt either. Soph, did you know that the song with the longest title is ‘I'm a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin' Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues’ by a guy named Hoagy? Sort of makes me hungry.”

“God, everything makes you hungry. Once, just once, I’d like you to tell me something that’s useful.”

“I got something for you, Soph. Did you know that the red Skittles are colored using crushed up beetles? Chew on that.”

“I’d walk off right now if we weren’t heading to the same class.”

“Ah, I have a captive audience. Let me enlighten you with one more bit of knowledge. Hm, let me think. I got it, did you know that if you look directly into a stranger’s eyes, and they stare back, it’s likely that they will have a natural attraction to each other?”

“Well, I hope I don’t stare at Mrs. Hargraves too long. I don’t need that old lady following me home.”

“That’s why I put my head down.”

“Morning, Mrs. Hargraves.”

“Look away, Soph. Look away!”