Farm Boy Farewell

Well I had been on this farm for eighteen years, all my life. I was leaving to go to college in three days. To say the least I was a little uneasy. I had never been to a big city before. We lived in the middle of nowhere and the largest town was at least fifty miles away and we only visited it once a year when we sold cattle. It had all of two thousand people in it. My home town had about half that and was twenty miles away.

We were poor, dirt poor they would say. From the wrong side of the tracks and we had never gotten anything from anywhere without paying for it with hard work. My hands were calloused from scooping manure and corn everyday. If we didn't have to start the tractor it saved money so we did most things with manual labor. Daddy always said that you needed a strong back to make a living, but we never went hungry and he made sure we had plenty to eat.

Mama had always lectured us growing up that we needed to get good grades in school and stay out of trouble because people always considered us less than equal. We were what they called white trash but no one called us that to our faces. My four brothers and I had quite a name for ourselves as fighters and we had been fighting something or someone all our lives. I was the oldest and so I looked after the others and tried to keep them out of trouble. I was extra big too which seemed to help. I didn't like fighting as much as my brothers but I guess I was good at it because no one liked to mess with me and kept my brothers from getting beat up several times. I had knocked several older boys, that were trouble makers, out cold and now no one picked on us much. But Daddy always said that if you feel like fighting take it to town and beat up someone else not your brother. That really helped to keep peace in our family although some of the bullies around did not like it at all.

I had found with my size and strength that football was easy for me. It was really quite funny to watch the other boys as I ran over them. Their eyes would get so big just like seeing a mad bull coming down on them. Many times it would make me laugh as I ran through them like butter. I kind of got a reputation and some of them boys just got out of the way when they seen me coming. That's how I got to go to college. I won a scholarship that was a free ride. Now daddy said that nothing was free and that my going to school was stupid. They didn't know nothing there that was going to help a plow boy from here.

But Mama told Daddy that I was going or she was leaving him. What a fight that was. I was scared to death for Daddy because Mama was a big woman. So I would be the first in our family to go to college. Mama was so proud. She held her head so high at graduation. When they read I had a full ride to college I thought she might see heaven up there. First time one of us from south of the tracks got any kind of award that didn't lead to jail time.

I had worked hard at my grades like Mama said and got on the honor roll several times. I got teased a lot about that. I was supposed to be a tough guy and tough guys didn't get good grades. I took the ribbing though because I knew those boys were going no where but maybe jail.

I had not said anything but I did not want to go to college but Mama was so proud that I couldn't say no. I didn't like the city. It was too loud and busy for me. I had always liked the country and the clean quiet air. I loved hard work and sweat on my brow. It made me feel good that I could lift a lot of things many men could not even think of. Around town they would often call me to lift something too heavy for regular men. I had hauled many pianos for people and got paid good for it. It always drew a crowd of people just to watch me lift things. I was know as Big John around town. Some of the bullies called me Big Bad John just like in the song because they were a little scared every time I was around.

But here I was going to college and as my last remaining days flew by I felt a little lost. This is the only home I had ever known. I had no idea what it was like out there in the big wide world. I was the biggest and the best here but out there what would I be. There was always someone bigger and better out there. I liked it here.

This farm was my home from the big old Cyprus tree to the little old chicken coop. I knew it like the back of my hand and who would watch after my brothers with me gone. Who would save them from themselves? What would Daddy do when he needed something big moved. Everyone needed me here.

The decision had been made for me when I won that scholarship. No way would I disappoint Mama. I would not be able to handle the disappointment in her eyes if I told her I couldn't go. So I would go and do my best for her. What would be the difference I could always come back when I was done. There was nothing to worry about. Even as I told myself this I knew that things would change after I left and never be the same again.

The last three days had flown by full of fun. There had been dances and parties wishing everyone well on their way to college. We had a big party too with everyone slapping me on the back and saying how wonderful it was to have someone in the family going to college. It was too late to turn back now.

My biggest regret would be Sally. The girl that I had always wanted to ask out but chickened out every time. She was so pretty it made my eyes hurt but she was shy and so was I and there seemed to be no way to bridge the gap. So I decided that tonight my last night I was going to ask her out and maybe she would wait for me to come home on college break.

Then there she was standing at the party. Looking like an angel from heaven and me with clammy hands and a dry mouth. I also for some reason seemed to stutter whenever she was around. She must have thought I was an idiot by now. But she always had looked at me different than other people. I saw it in her eyes there was a softness there in those big brown eyes that made me feel at home somehow. She had a way about her that seemed to calm my heart and made all my fears disappear and there was nothing but me and her. I should have asked her out a long time ago. How stupid of me. I had made up my mind now. I walked over to her just like a charging bull. She looked frightened for a moment and I felt embarrassed at the look she gave me and I could feel myself blush. I could hear her friends giggling. Mona and Marcy the two biggest loud mouths in town.

I slowly stammered, " So Mary would you like to dance?" My mind was whirling and I thought I might fall down. Then she touched my hand and suddenly the world stopped turning and everything was alright. She softly said, "Alright." She blushed a little and as I held her dancing thought she even looked more beautiful blushing in the moonlight.

I had finally broke the ice and we talked and talked the whole night through. It was as if no one else was there just me and her. Suddenly her parents said it was time to go. It had only seemed like minutes but several hours had passed and everyone had left but her parents and her. Her parents and mine had been laughing in the corner. They had been waiting for this forever. Everyone had known and had waited and waited for this moment. When one of us would just speak to the other about the love that was so apparent to everyone else. As Mary stood to leave she motioned for me to lean over and unexpectedly I did. She kissed me on the cheek and touched my hand as she left with a soft,"Goodbye my Big John." I could hardly believe it. It had finally happened and tomorrow I would leave. How dumb I had been to wait so long when it had turned out to be so easy. My whole body was still numb from that kiss and as I turned to go to the house I fell flat on my face with Daddy and Mama and my brothers laughing their heads off in the moonlight.

The day had come now and I was all packed. I got into our old Lincoln for the long ride to the city. Mary had showed up a bit early so we could talk about the future. Her waiting for me till college break and if I could give her a call or two. She had politely said yes and before leaving gave me a kiss on the lips and said it was for good luck and to remember that I had a girl waiting for me at home. That Mary she always knew the right thing to say. I knew I would remember that kiss till my dying day.

I waved to everyone as I got into our old Lincoln. Mama and my brothers would stay here while Daddy took me to town to get on the train. I gave Mama a hug because Daddy motioned me to do so. We didn't really hug in our family. It was not our thing we loved each other from afar but we always knew that we were loved. Mama burst out in tears, something I had never seen and it left me and my brothers blushing from her embarrassment from those tears. We all looked at our feet as she brushed the tears aside unable to see such a tough woman cry.

As we barreled down the road in the big old boat of a car and we neared the top of the hill overlooking our farm. I looked back, just once, at the tall old Cyprus tree on our little farm in the valley. Laid out green and gold in the light. I thought to myself it would never be the same again. I would leave and come back a different man. I liked myself the way I was. I did not want to change, but change I would and not into something better. That was the last time I was proud of myself as I rolled down the road. My future would end when I left that farm and I didn't even know it yet.