Bit by Bit

“Well, that didn't go exactly as planned.”

“Understatement Steve. What genius thought this would work anyway?”

“Afraid that would be me.”

“Charlie, you would never have dreamt this up on your own!”

“No, I...just helped Steve work out a few details, that's all.”

“Does this look like you worked them out? Huh? Does it?!”

“Don't be so hard on Charlie, Kevin. It was supposed to be simple. All of the data said so.”

“Why did I let you two talk me into this? In all our years of schemes and plans, did anything you suggested go as planned?”

“Hey. Steve is really good at this stuff. You just never let him be in charge.”

“There was a reason for that.”

“OK, so I messed up. I can fix it.”

“Yeah. He can fix it. Just...give him a minute.”

“Well, I'm not going anywhere, so fix away.”

“Boy, Steve. Kevin is really pissed.”

“No kidding. I guess I would be too if I was stuck in a block wall.”

“You do know how to fix it, don't you?”

“Yeah...I think so...maybe. Let me go over the figures again. The beam should have held longer. It worked for the two of us. I just don't understand what happened when Kevin crossed through.”

“Did you adjust for his mass?”

“Of course I did. It was calibrated down to the ounce.”

“Run the program again. Maybe we can get him all the way through this time.”

“We tried that already, remember. The beam is locked onto him and the building. They're one entity now.”

“That doesn't sound good.”

“Sorry, Kevin. Forgot you could still hear us.”

“Don't mind me. I'll just keep hanging around while you two scientific brains figure out how to separate my parts from the concrete.”

“If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.”

“Now? Now you want my input! How about this? How about, next time you ask a guy how much he weighs, you tell him why you want to know? How about sharing the details about how critical this information is? Huh? How about that!”

“I did! I told you about the mass particle theory I was working on. Charlie even explained how the beam worked.”

“Wait a minute. You've been blaming Steve for this mess. Just how far off were his calculations?”

“Well...”

“Not 'well'. How much? How many pounds did you shave off?”

“...eight...”

“Eight pounds! Kevin! You vain bastard, it's no wonder you're wedged in that wall. You idiot! You didn't listen to one word we said, did you? Did you?”

“Easy, Charlie. I accounted for five pounds either way. Built in a bit of a buffer. Didn't think any of us were totally honest about that bit.”

“I was! Didn't you listen either? Christ! The pair of you could have been jammed up and I would be sitting here trying to figure out where I went wrong.”

“Look, Charlie...”

“Don't you start. You didn't believe in Steve. You clearly didn't believe in me. And so here we sit. Well, not you, but you know what I mean.”

“I believed you, Charlie. I guess I got sloppy is all.”

“Sloppy is when you spill soup down your chin. This is a whole new level. I've got to go think this through.”

“Charlie!”

“Let him go, Steve. He won't leave me like this, I know that much. Maybe he just needs some space.”

“Hope he doesn't need much. It's not like he could just take a walk around the block, clear his head.”

“Steve! You're a genius.”

“What did I say?”

“Charlie! Charlie, come here a sec.”

“No. I've got to re-work the calculations. Shut up for a minute, Kevin.”

“But, Charlie, what if you could calculate the mass of one block? Could you move it?”

“One block? What would moving one block do? You're encased in concrete. One block won't make a differ...Hold on a minute.”

“You've got that look in your eyes, Charlie. What are you thinking?

“Steve, Kevin has the right idea. If I can re-configure the program, do you think you could isolate the beam onto the mortar around one block of concrete?”

“Sure.”

“Kevin? It's going to take time to get all of the blocks shifted. And I still don't know if we can get you out of there.”

“Just don't let me fall on my face. I'm pretty sure I can't hold the weight with my arms stuck like this.”

“Charlie, how are we going to support him after we get the blocks out? We have to think this through.”

“We haven't got a lot of options. The bank will open in five hours and we had best be gone by then.”

“You're not still thinking of grabbing the cash too? Kevin's in real trouble here.”

“Us too. And we wouldn't be, if he hadn't been such a stuffed-up prick.”

“Hey. He's gotten us out of plenty of scrapes...”

“Into them too! He's not the genius he pretends to be. He's just been lucky. Up until now.”

“OK. OK, Charlie. So I'm not the top of the class. Can you get me out of here, or what?”

“Maybe I should just leave you here. Serve you right.”

“You don't mean that. Not really. I...I admit I've been a selfish bastard in the past. OK?”

“This is not the time...”

“Of course, it is, Steve. Please, Kevin. Continue.”

“Look. Steve, I never gave your ideas a chance because if I wasn't in charge, I really had no purpose in these schemes. You've got a fantastic brain, capable of working out these un-worldly creations. And Charlie, you have something I could never have – the ability to think of solutions I couldn't begin to imagine. I always had to use my wiles to get by. And my charm. What I'm trying to say is...I'm jealous of both of you. You never needed me. You could do anything you want with your brains, your intelligence. I'm just a pretty face.”

“Not so pretty at the moment.”

“Steve! The man's trying to apologize for being an ass. The least you could do is listen.”

“Charlie's right. I owe you both an apology. More like a truckload of them. I'll find a way to make it up to you. But that might be easier if I could move.”

“Yeah, yeah. I'm on it. Steve, can you check these figures for me? I'd hate to be wrong. Again.”

“Let it go, Charlie. We can't fix the past. Let's focus on getting the hell out of here.”

“And could one of you scratch my nose for me? This itch is driving me crazy.”

**

“Kevin, I think we have it figured out.”

“Think? You think you have it? I am not getting all warm and fuzzy over here.”

“I told you he would be a pisser, Charlie. Ignore him.”

“No, it's okay. This screwed up before, so I get it. Even if it's his own fault he's stuck like Han Solo.”

“I heard that!”

“Charlie, are you reasonably certain we can transform the mortar?”

“I am. The algorithm should be more precise this time. Besides, we are running out of options.”

“Listen, guys, if this goes south, just promise you'll lift a glass in my honour.”

“Hey now, we're all getting out of here. Right, Charlie?”

“Charlie?”

“Yeah. Right. We're all getting out of here.”

“Alright, Scotty. Set the beam on stun and get me the hell out of this wall.”

“Freedom is coming your way. Charlie, it's all up to you, buddy. I'm ready to push the blocks once the mortar is clear.”

“Here goes nothing!”

**

“Hey Charlie, what's new?”

“Not much, other than I sold the patent for the particle beam theory. Seems like the government is keen to keep the information to themselves.”

“That's great news. Hope they gave you enough to retire on.”

“ Not quite, Steve. And the technology is just as much yours as mine. Your share is in the envelope on the counter.”

“That's awesome! I just wish...”

“I know. I wish Kevin was here too.”

“Do you think he's still mad at us?”

“For what? Not grabbing the money at the last minute? Or for leaving one chunk of concrete attached to his leg as a souvenir?”

“Probably the money!”