The Visitor

The key clicked in the lock, and the front door squeaked open. Startled, Ananya rushed towards the kitchen. Her mother had asked her to mince the garlic into a paste, to make chutney. But, the moment she left, Ananya along with her ten-year-old brother had been glued to the television.

“How come onions hike up within a week?” Janaki tucked the loose end of her sari, and placed the grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

“Stop grumbling ma!”

“Grumbling?” she said. “You too will, when you have to run a family on your own!”

Ananya made a sour face.

“Is the chutney ready?”

“In a minut—”

“Very nice! I asked you one thing Ann!” She shoved two garlic bulbs into her daughter’s hands. “Just one thing!”

Flipping the dupatta on her shoulder, Ananya began peeling the cloves, and mumbled irritated, “It’s just a dinner! What is there to take it so emotionally!”

“What did you say? Emotional?”

“Ar…n-no-nothing ma…”

“It is not just some dinner Ann…but a way of showing gratitude for the support she gave us.”

“She?”

“Gayathri…the sole reason for your grandpa to live his last days in peace.”

“Oh! Is your friend finally coming home?”

Her mother nodded. “I am so happy…finally we are going to meet after graduation. If not for her, they would have not sanctioned the charity fund for us. The money is like a lottery ticket that I win every month!”

“Yeah! I remember the first time we received it, we all went to beach and had ice cream with grandpa.” Her voice lowered a notch. “I miss grandpa so much…”

Janaki looked ahead at the winged chair, and sniffled. “I never thought his loss would hurt me so much! The time we had spent together for the past two years had changed everything!” She opened a kitchen cabinet door, and peered in. Sighing, she slammed it close. “And, I am glad it did.” She opened another, and pulled out the sugar box.

“Ma!” Rahul extended his right hand in front of her, palm upward. “For me?”

“Psh! Always eating sugar! You will get worms in your stomach!”

“Ma…only a pinch ma, plea—”

“Rahul!” She shot him a quelling glare. “Go…switch off the TV and clean your room. I don’t want to see any papers on the floor.”

In a flick of a moment, before she could realise, he scooped a handful of sugar and ran inside.

“Rahul!” His mother yelled. “This boy is becoming very naughty!” She held the steel saucepan in which the milk was boiling with a pair of tongs and poured it into a vessel.

“Ma?”

She added a spoonful of sugar, and stirred. “Hunh…”

“I will never get such a quality time with my father, right?”

Janaki stole a glance at her daughter, she was looking at the floor, her hand firmly holding the knife.

“I cannot provide more than this! Don’t you realise that he is a burden? How do you expect me to save for our children if I keep spending for that old man’s medicine?”

“—how could he leave us, ma? And, me? All these years he did not even visit me once! I believed that we had a special bond! Guess I was wrong about everythin—”

“He is not our family! The moment we got married we became one, this is our family… and we have to save money for this family…we will send him to some old age home… please understand…”

“—you both had problems, and I understand your reason was genuine for asking him to leave bu—”

“If you want him to leave when he is old… then what is the assurance that you will not do the same when I become old? Won’t you leave me?”

“—hat did I do, ma? Why did he abandon me? And, how can he ask grandpa to leave? Is he so heartless?”

“He is heartless!” Janaki fidgeted the bangle she was wearing. “Not all fathers are like mine…but, I realized it late.”

“Hmm…he was a great grandpa too...”

Nodding, Janaki flattened the dough with her pin. She rolled it again, repeatedly, until it was papery. Then, she filled it with potato stuffing and sealed it. When the steaming pot was ready, she placed the round, almost ball-like dough into it. For several minutes, the kitchen was brimming with whistles from the pressure cooker, clattering of utensils and whirring noise of the mixer.

“Ann, inside the grocery bag there is lemon pickle, place it on the table.” She delved into the kitchen shelf for a spoon, rattling the cutlery. “And, take th—”

A loud crash that interrupted her words, was accompanied with the wail of her son from the adjoining room. Janaki jumped up, and ran to make sure he was okay. The room was a mess, the cupboard doors were opened, it’s drawer on the floor, with its contents spilled outside.

Rahul looked at his mother, and his eyes filled with tears.

“Are you crying because you got hurt, or because you are going to get hurt?”

Terrified by his mother’s anger, he let out a mournful wail that filled the room.

“Stop it Rahul! I said stop!” She darted a sharp glance. “Stop…before you get my fingers on your back!”

At once, he placed his palms over his mouth, but, was sniffling and gasping for breaths.

She swept her arm around the room. “What have you done? Did you try to climb inside the cupboard?”

He nodded.

Shocked, she asked, “Why?”

“Just now I remembered to give you, ma.”

“Give what?” she asked hastily.

“There is something that grandpa wants you to see.”

“What?”

“Yes ma! He asked me to give it to you before your friend is home for dinner.”

“What are you telling?”

He wiped his tears, and smiled. “Grandpa loved me the most, ma. That is why he shared his secrets only with me.”

“Stop confusing and tell properly!”

“When grandpa was admitted in the hospital…he called me aside and asked me to give you the cover that he had placed on the top shelf of his cupboard, ma. He told me that you should read it before you meet your friend.”

“Grandpa said all this? How did he know that my friend would come home?”

Rahul scratched his head. “I don’t know, ma.”

“Maybe you should see the cover to get your answers, ma!”

Janaki whirled around, Ananya was standing by the threshold, and ushered her to look inside.

Janaki’s eyes flickered to the cupboard. “Bu—”

“Ma!” She urged. “Stop overthinking and search.”

Admitting reluctantly, Janaki climbed on a stool and rifled through the top shelf. Among her father’s clothes was a yellow cover. She opened, and drew out a bank passbook, and an envelope. Nervously, she tore the letter and read.

Janaki,

By the time you read this, I won’t be with you. I am sorry, I did not have the strength to tell all this personally. It might be hard for you to believe, but, I loved and still love you from the moment you entered into my life. I cannot forget the day your mother laid you on my lap. You were petite, like a pink doll. Your smile when I ruffled your silky hair, mewling cries when I left you alone in your crib, searing anger when I stopped you from biting the toys, your first babble words, clumsy steps with your tiny legs, cute sniffles, warm hugs, lovable kisses, playful punches, anything and everything is still fresh in my mind! All that I yearned was to spend my life looking at you, my adorable girl. But, when your mother died, things changed. Not only you gave a meaning to my life, but, a load of responsibilities.

I was scared, terribly scared. I knew nothing about babies, especially girls! Your mother was the only girl that I had spent time with. Until you were a toddler, things were easy, but, when you started growing up, I had no idea. All I wanted was to see you succeed in your future. I became a tough parent, drew circles around and asked you not to cross it. As years flew by, safeguarding you became my first priority and, meanwhile, I forgot to express my love!

All these years, I thought being strict meant good parenting. But, no! Showering love and understanding our children is!

Of all the restrictions that I imposed; the worst hit on you was when I did not approve your marriage with Jagadeesh. But, not as always, you took a decision on your own. I was furiously angry, and stopped talking to you, and, those were the years of torment and anguish in my life.

But, when I fell ill, I realised my grave mistake. Regardless of everything that happened, you both brought me home and took care of me. I am grateful to Jagadeesh, not only did he give me a life, but, a new understanding to life. If not for him, I would never have got these two wonderful years with you!

Yes, it was him! All along! Before leaving you, he spoke to me. He said about your sleepless nights, struggling to find a way to manage me and your family. I was ready to move out. But, he insisted for me to stay! He wanted you to have your papa’s love! He wanted you to cherish our bond throughout your life! He wanted me to shower the contained love that I forgot to express! Only then, I realized that, if I leave without showing the love you deserved, it will be the biggest sin I would make. Thus, I agreed. And, he left to serve for two years, and earn for us. The monthly fund we received was his salary, Gayathri just helped him in sending it to us. He took a promise asking me not to tell you, he wanted you to hate him. He knew how hard it would be for you to live without him if you loved him more for giving your father back to you!

Now, the time has come for me to leave. Though, I feel guilty to have taken two years from the love of your life, on the other side, I am happy that I agreed to him. Thank you, my ickle doll, for giving me everything that I lacked in life. If possible, forgive me for all the trouble I caused you. I never meant to. I loved you, and wherever I go, I will keep loving you.

God bless.

A tear dropped, another followed, and another.

“Ma, why are you crying?”

“Ma, are you okay?”

Janaki stood still, and held the letter close against her face.

Anaya took the bank passbook from her mother, and read it. “Ma, grandpa had been saving all the money.”

“What?”

“Yes, ma. Look.”

Once the numbers made sense, everything dropped to the floor. Her lips trembled, “After a year of treatment, h-he st-stopped using the money for his medication. He sacrificed for us. When he came, he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be a burden to us. He made sure to die before he came, he-he”

“Before who came, ma?”

“You- your fa—”

The doorbell rang.

“I think your friend is here, ma.”

“He-he di-”

“Ma!” Ananya shook her mother’s shoulders. “We shall talk about this later. Gayathri aunty has come a long way. For now, we should concentrate on giving her a nice dinner.”

Her mother looked straight ahead, without answering.

The doorbell rang again.

“Ma, I will open the door. You put all this away and come.”

Janaki heard her children walk towards the hall. She heard the unlocking of the door, and the gasp that escaped her daughter’s lips. After a moment, she even heard the screams Ananya was crying in the hall. But, nothing elicited her leg to move.

Was she scared?

Scared of what?

The truth or the lies?

A minute later, Rahul came running inside. He clutched her sari-clad legs, and wailed. “Ma, come and see. I am scared…Akka is screaming and pa—”

“Shush!”

The little boy silently looked up at his mother’s face.

“Shush…Shush…” She took his hand into hers, and tottered out of the room.

“I am doing double shift, Jaga! I cannot work more than this. And, I am missing all the time with my kids. They are growing up; I cannot lose all these precious moments for him!”

“What are you talking, Janaki? He is your father. I understand that he was a bit rough, but we can’t abandon him at this moment!”

She walked through the passage, stopped in front of the mirror, and adjusted the strand of hair that peeked out from her bun.

“What do you know about my father? He never loved me! He just wanted to dominate me, just wanted to fulfil his dreams through me!”

“No, no…he was just protecting y—”

Rahul pulled her pallu. “Ma, Akka is still crying in the hall.” He looked at her expectantly. “Come ma…come…”

Nodding frenetically, she entered the hall. Next to the low table, in one of the faded chairs was Ananya. Her shuddering sobs wracked her body as she sat there, her face buried in her hands. Letting a long sigh, Janaki peered ahead. By the door was a pair of brown shoes, the laces clumsily tied.

She bit her lip.

“Stop shouting, Jaga! What are you trying to prove?”

“I am trying to prove the love of a father! Ask how lucky you are to someone who doesn’t even know who his parents are!”

Her eyes roamed from the khaki pants to the bouquet that was clutched nervously in his hand.

“Jaga! How many times should I tell you not to talk about your past!”

“I have to! I am not ready to face another abandonment.”

“What?”

“If you can leave your father when he is old… then what is the surety that you will not do the same when I become old? Won’t you leave me too, Janaki?”

“What? You think I will leave you?”

“Yes, you might!”

“Is it? After all that has happened between us, how can you think of me like this? I am ashamed to have lived with you!”

“Bu—”

“Shut up! And, leave! Right now, from my life!”

Finally, she looked up, and his eyes bore into hers. It oozed the same love and warmth she had felt when they first met in the orphanage.

Pleading for forgiveness, she mouthed the words. “I am sorry…”

She was sorry for everything. For not realising his love, for not understanding her father’s love, for hating him so much, and finally for sowing hatred in her children’s heart by blaming everything on their father.

Jagadeesh entered, and a smile spread over his square stubborn jaw.

She knew…When he can make a thirty-year-old love her father, convincing his innocent kids is no magic!