To Have Loved and Lost is a Longing Forever

To have loved and then lost, to have lost that which makes one complete, then never know if that which was lost will ever return. Returning to moment it was lost is never a guarantee of the same that was lost will be the same that returns. The love that two people have, maybe not in the beginning, is a love that will never fade or be forgotten, especially if this be the first love or the first time being in love. It is indeed the hardest love to ever let go much less to be released. It can linger in one's mind and can become a long obsession, yet it can also become a "mission" to be sought after, long after the love has become only a distant memory. A love so distinct, so pure and so new that the very thought of no longer having that love will bring one to tears , will bring a strong man/woman to their knees. The love that grips you by the wrist, holds you in its gaze and hypnotizes you to where nothing matters in even the smallest of ways. This very love that began as like when you go down to the Christmas tree, to discover all the many presents that are placed under it. The love that no one speaks of, if none other than its true name and it can become spellbinding, mesmerizing and draw you in so deep that when you are finally released from the glare that it was sharing with you, you are left speechless, without a way to describe how you felt at that very moment. Then when you are finally becoming accustomed to this love, this love betrays you, leaves you with a broken heart, a broken mind, with a sadness that can cause you distress and endless pain that will leave you with nothing more than emptiness and hopelessness. The very love that made you confident and at ease, is the very same love that held you over the edge and dared you to beg for mercy. The love that leaves you alone, sad and crying, only allows you to feel that you are once more by yourself. Leaves you a hollowed shell of your once former self, to begin to find a reason to the why and how you will begin again and become a whole person. The love you imagined you and they would hod onto and have forever, forever and a day, for all eternity, both in this life time and in the here after. Only to be let down ever so roughly and quickly, as both they and the love have been working towards this moment when you would no longer have either. How do you find your inner strength and inner confidence to even begin to think or plan for the return of them and the love that you both once cherished and cared for like a newborn baby? How do you even want to encourage the thoughts, that were once sweet and beautiful, only to now finally come to grips with this setback of your precious sanity that has been robbed of the very things that matter most to you, while you were as one with your centered love offered together. As the 7 steps of loss/death become more a reality than a standing thought in your mind, so is loss being one of the emotions that you experience in coming to terms with the very acceptance of your mutual love becoming a loss unto itself. The love and the person whom you had once loved are no longer there, no longer an part of your life, no longer any part of what gives you a reason to smile, and to be happiest, as you once were. They became a inner soul part of you, part of your heart, part of your mind, part of your spirit, part of your body, and part of you a whole human being. The love that your shared with them was divine and was unique, in that it was sacred, through and through. It was this that made you notice how much you had come to depend wholly upon them and you would maybe even "take a bullet" for them. Of course, now that this love, this perfectly, wonderfully created love that made things complete, is no longer any of these things. You sit in your chair and you seek out the last of your memories and store them away for a future time, for a future moment that you will find the courage to confront your former love and them too, to go with that love once more. IN all reality, you know that this would be taking a huge chance to reunite and become as you once were, yet even with a small glimmer of hope in the distance, like a far off light in a dark tunnel, you only sigh. Love can be unpredictable and unstable thing in that more times than not, if you decide to come together again, there is no guarantees that either one of you will ever want to reinvest in that which was new like a honeymoon, only to possibly be let down in the end. To be reminded of all that was there before and all that made your time together and the love you once shared magical and like a dreamy fantasy. How can you ignite a flame that was an inferno, that burned with a passion and desire like none other, like nothing ever felt nor discovered since then and definitely not at this moment. It seems the building up to this possible moment, that makes you wondered, if you have mistaken something anew to only be a misread, imagining mishap. With a bit of embarrassment, you both turn and walk away, never knowing whetherthe once was or the might have been again could have ended badly and eventually falling into oblivion. The moment is no longer the issue, but forgetting the moment happened will take more time than you are willing to admit, both of you are no longer memorized to say the least.