Echoing Words

Yura slowly perused the store. Looking around diligently and determined. A couple of tasks at the forefront of her mind. Her list.

1. Buy 5 different and new outfits
2. Buy new pairs of shoes
3. Buy 3 new video games not on sale
4. Buy a brand item
5. Eat at an expensive restaurant

Long-term Goal: Buy whatever I want without regrets.

As she read over her list, her nerves refused to settle. She has never bought this much stuff. Her psychologist recommended she did it all in one day. Guilt shifted in her stomach. She had no more reason to feel guilty. She isn’t relying on her parents anymore. She had her own job that paid more than enough for her to spoil herself. She just lacked the ability to allow herself that luxury.

Her brother’s words - from when they were younger - repeated in her head to this day. It was after their dad’s job status changed. It forced her to change schools when she was 10. It also greatly affected his income. For Yura at that age, she was used to getting anything she asked for. She would throw a fit like any spoiled child would when she didn’t get what she asked her. Then one day her brother got fed up and told her that she should be more considerate and less selfish because their parents were poor.

His words shook her world more than both of them anticipated. After the shock of his word choice, Yura changed. She became frugal and saved her money. She was very strict with herself and was accused of being stingy with her money by her brother.

She deciphered between her needs and wants. If she didn’t need it, she didn’t ask for it. When she wanted something she would force herself to wait for her birthday or Christmas. However, she still needed appropriate justification. Am I going to use it more than once or occasionally? How long will it last? Are the rest of the components going be worth it?

Compared to the rest of her family, she put more thought into her purchases. Her parents saw it as a considerate gesture. They were a bit surprised, but proud of her restraint, though they didn’t understand why she did it. That alone separated her from her brothers. When they were her age they got anything and everything they wanted less than a day after they asked for it. Even though they gave her so many lectures about being independent and supporting herself, they still tended to ask their parents for things. The development of her complex shifted the scale in their favor. The less she asked for, the more they could get.

As the years went on she was unable to break the habit. It became instinct for her not to ask for big things. It later developed into her dislike of spending money. This would result in her anxiety bubbling. If she spent more than $10 on something simple she would regret it, even if she needed it. If she spent more than $20 on a meal for herself she would lose her appetite. If she wanted something and saw the price - which always seemed so high - her chest would get tight.

Though it’s all in the past. It still haunts her to the current day. Despite her life being completely different to those times, the guilt still overwhelms her. The thought of not deserving anything still clouds her mind. It was different when it came to her parents. After she got published the royalties flooded in. The first thing she did with it was put it into her parents’ house. When they told her to spend it on herself, she felt queasy when she tried. She could easily spend money on other people, but when it came to herself, she was reluctant.

After the years went on, her saving accounts continued to fill. Her daily life and bills failed to dent the amount. She tried to give some to her parents but they would reject her and tell her they still had a lot from the last time she transferred money. Her brothers claimed that she was the richest out of all of them to make her feel bad. She felt bad but she didn’t want to spend money so she didn’t fall for their tricks.

Then she began to spiral when she would buy things for herself. Her editor tried to convince her that it was not something to get upset about, but her body refused to listen. So her editor told her to see a psychologist. The sessions were going well. They were able to get to the root of her emotions along with make a plan to conquer her problem. Hence the list, which has been proving a great challenge.

It was her 7th attempt at completing the list since it was first created. It has been a week since then. The closest she got to accomplishing the list was when she didn’t look at the price tags of the clothes. Then when she saw the prices of the shoes she peeked at the tags on the clothing and put them back and briskly left the store.

Yura sat in the waiting room of her psychologist’s office. She laid her head back on the top of the back to her chair. She failed for the 8th time this morning. She has her plan mentally laid out perfectly. She knew exactly what she was going to buy. Then her cart would feel heavy, price wise. She wasn’t going anywhere. She was stuck.

“Yura.” Dr. Shannon called.

Yura got up from her chair. She gave him an emotionless face as she let out a loud sigh.

“Let’s head on back.” He said as he gestured her to his office.

Yura took a seat at the right side of the sofa. She let her body meld into the soft cushion.

“From your demeanor I assume that progress is not happening.” He spoke with a raised brow.

She nodded in agreement.

“I see. Have you gotten close to the goal or unable to start it?” He asks her.

“I get the clothes in the cart since I can avoid looking at the tags. Then the shoes get me because the price is next to the size on the box. I ruined it for myself. The price shoots into my head when I tried looking at the shoe for the price like I should have.” She complained with a gruff voice.

“Avoiding the prices aren’t going to change things.” He told her.

“I know, but that’s the only way I can do it. My chest tenses when I look at the prices. The cart feels like it’s getting heavier with everything I put in the cart. It’s harder than I thought.” She confessed.

“Maybe we need to reassess the emotional aspect once again.” He proposes.

“We have done it twice and it is still there.” She protests. “I am an acclaimed novelist with more money than she can deal with. I shouldn’t be getting a tight gut when I buy tooth paste, but I do.” Yura grumbles.

“Well, then let’s take another look at the root of the situation and see if we can figure something out.” Dr. Shannon proclaims.

Yura is taking a new approach. Dr. Shannon instructed her to the find something that she has wanted but never got. Something that could make her feel fulfilled or satisfied when she spent money.

Since she could remember, she always wanted a dog. The last family dog she recalled having died when Yura was 7. With her anxiety she could get it trained for a support animal. To her this was good starting point. Her huge house had more than enough space for a pet.

When she pulled up to the shelter she took a couple of deep breaths. She felt a bit of pressure. What if I can’t find a dog? What if my complex gets in the way of providing for the dog? She started to lose her nerve.

“Ms. Vance?” Someone called.

Yura turned her attention to the source of the voice. She saw a young girl smiling and waving. Her smile bright and genuine. As she walked closer, Yura noticed her shirt. It had the logo of the shelter she was planning on entering. It looked familiar.

“I’m sorry you probably don’t remember me.” The girl shied away.

“No, you were the girl who came to the signing right before we ended.” Yura remembered. “You said your shift ended later than you anticipated and had to run to the signing.”

Her smile got wider. Yura didn’t think it was possible for someone to smile that wide. She couldn’t. Then the shining smile drooped as if realizing something.

“My idol remembers me when I was sweaty and out of breath!” She exclaimed.

Yura couldn’t help the smile creeping onto her face. This kid was pretty adorable.

“Honestly, I remembered you for your shelter logo.” Yura tried to comfort her. “One of the reasons I am here.”

The girl then looks back at Yura. Less ashamed. A new kind of spark in her eyes.

“So you are interested in adopting?” She asked with a twinkle in her eyes and her voice.

“Yes. I’m part of the percentage of authors who have bad social skills. I’m hoping a pet could help me in the friend department.” She chortled.

“I would love to help you with that! I’m sure you will find a great friend here. Everyone here is a total sweet heart.” The girl proudly stated.

“Like the employees, I’m hoping.” Yura joked.

The girl blushed as she directed Yura to the entrance. Yura entered the shelter.

“Stop flirting in front of the store Whitney.” One of the other employees teased.

“I wasn’t flirting, I was encouraging a contemplating pet parent.” She retorted.

“Okay, well then you can help her look around.” The man at the counter assigned.

“Thanks, boss.” She perkily expressed.

Whitney shows Yura to the back where the available animals are situated.

“So what made you want to consider adopting?” Whitney asked Yura as they browsed the puppies.

“I have always wanted a dog, but couldn’t get one growing up. Now that I have my own life and my own income I thought it was a good time to do something about that. A lot of people say having a companion helps get through the toughest things, I could really use the help.” Yura absentmindedly mentioned. “You have no idea how many books I have read or how many videos I have watched to be just a tiny bit capable.” She laughed.

“I see where you’re coming from. When my dad passed a couple years ago, my mom got really depressed. Then I brought a dog home from the shelter and it was as if her soul was restored.” Whitney shared. “It’s actually good that you did some research. Not many people do and then they don’t realize what they got themselves into after adopting.”

Then Whitney was quiet. She seemed like she wanted to say something but was refusing to let it pass through her lips.

“If you need advice on anything, you could always ask me?” She offered.

Yura could see the tension blatantly on her features. She was afraid of rejection. Lucky for her, Yura is in need of friends.

“That would actually be great if you don’t mind.” Yura accepted as she took a pen and her business card case out of her pocket.

She took a business card out of her case before returning the case to her pocket. She takes her pen and writes her personal number on the back of the card. She passes it to Whitney who looks like she was about to pass out.

“You alright?” Yura asked in concern.

Whitney shook her head. The life returning to her eyes.

“Are you serious?” Whitney breathlessly questioned.

“Very. That’s my personal contact info on the back.” Yura enclosed.

Whitney’s dazzling and blinding smile returned to her face. Yura felt bad for her cheeks. How could someone smile that big for so long without pain in their face?

“Thank you, thank you!” Whitney gratefully thanked.

Yura smirked at her giddiness. Whitney seemed so pure and energetic. Something Yura rarely sees with the colleagues she socializes with.

Before they could continue their conversation, a series of barks and yelling filled the shelter. As they turned to the source, Yura saw something barrelling toward her. Due to the lack of reaction time she was trampled by a massive dog. The fall was hard. She was a bit frazzled as she laid on the ground. She groaned.

Yura shook the shock out of her mind. She tried to sit up, but felt a pain at her side. She held her side as she hissed at the tenderness. Then she heard whining and a light bat at her hand. When she turned she saw a huge dog with their head on their front paws as it whined. She saw that it was looking at her hand covering her, most likely, bruised side.

“You don’t have to worry about me. I bruise easy.” She reassured them.

The dog looked up with almost sad and apologetic eyes.

“Thanks for coming back to check on me.” Yura smiled as she reached her hand out to the dog.

The dog looked at her hand with a tilted head. Then it got closer and sniffed her hand. Soon enough, the dog was nuzzling Yura’s hand. Yura couldn’t take her eyes off of the big sweet heart right in front of her.

“Ms. Vance?” Whitney called.

“Please, call me Yura.” Yura insisted.

“Well, Yura.” Whitney hesitated. “Do you think you would be interested in adopting this dog?” She carefully asked.

“Are they not up for adoption?” Yura asked.

“Oh no!” Whitney jumped. “She was about to be, you know, today.” Whitney explained.

Yura didn’t get it at first. Then she thought about the emphasis she put on the words ‘you know.’

“Oh, do you mind me asking why? She looks perfectly healthy and seems sweet.” She looks down at the gently giant nuzzle into her lap.

“When we found her she needed her left hind leg amputated.” Whitney disclosed.

“Does she have problems without it?” Yura asked.

“Not really. She just hasn’t gotten adopted because she is different.” Whitney sighed.

Yura looked down at the dog head on her lap. She caressed her ears as she refused to move as Yura pet her. Yura could feel a connection. She just hoped the dog felt it as well.

Yura pulled up to the pet store. She helped Brownie out of the passenger seat. She reminded Yura too much of a brownie when she finally got a good look at her. She had nice brown fur like the top of a perfectly baked fudgey brownie. The fur towards her legs and underside was darker like the bottom of the brownie baked in the pan. She was also sweeter than sugar itself so it was no surprise her name was Brownie.

As they approached the entrance Yura watched Brownie walk. It was obvious that she was missing her left hind leg, but she did not show it. They said she tended to sit down or lay down when she got tired. With that in mind she continued walking into the store after grabbing a cart. They went straight towards the food. She found the brand Whitney suggested. After they grabbed the food they wandered to the treats. There were samples. Brownie sniffed at some of them until she stopped at one.

“Wait, Brownie.” Yura stopped.

Brownie stopped moving. She watched Yura. The shelter said they were sure that Brownie was abandoned by a past family. She was well behaved and partially trained.

“Sit.” Yura commanded.

Brownie sat.

Yura took a treat out of the sample bin and gave it to her.

“Good girl.” She praised.

Brownie chomped on the treat. Her tail wagged.

“Do you like that one?” Yura asked.

Brownie just looked at Yura. Then she looked back at the treats. Yura took that as a yes. She grabbed a pack of treats before moving on. She grabbed a pack of potty pads just in case. Then they looked over the dog beds. Next came the toys. After getting everything they could need, they headed for the register.

When Yura saw the total she stilled. She froze as the cashier tried to complete the transaction.

“Ma’am?” The cashier spoke, but it fell on deaf ears.

Yura couldn’t believe the price. She wanted to question what in the world she was buying. Then she felt a nudge at her hand. She was brought out of her spiral by Brownie pushing at her hand. She was whining and seemed interested to get Yura’s attention. She bent down to Brownie’s height. She assured Brownie that she was fine. She took some deep breaths as she ran her fingers through Brownie’s fur.

She stood up and apologized to the cashier.

“No need to apologize. As long as you are alright.” The cashier reassured.

“Yeah, got a bit overwhelmed, but she got me.” Yura affirmed with a nod to Brownie.

Yura took out one of her cards and handed it to the cashier.

“That’s great that she could help you like that.” The cashier praised as she took the card.

They completed the transaction and Yura and Brownie were on their way.

When they got into the car, Yura rubbed at her chest. The numbers were eating at her. Then Brownie barked, bringing her back to reality. She tried to stretch over the middle console to get to Yura. Yura extended her hand which Brownie started to nuzzle immediately. It took the edge off. She kept petting Brownie. She let out a heavy sigh. She hoped this counted as progress.