Full Circle

Edward couldn’t recall exactly when things had changed; when his daughter started making all of his decisions, but he remembered many other things.  

He remembered the day the dear girl was born, she was gorgeous. A tuft of blonde hair here and there, those big blue eyes so innocent, with all the hope in the world that he would take care of her. He couldn’t stop staring into those eyes. Those huge, innocent eyes, with the colouring of the deep blue sea, staring up at him.  

He raised her right - at least to the best of his abilities. He remembered taking her for bike rides. He recalled teaching her to ride the bike first; especially the she first time she went off on her own without him running behind, holding onto the seat. He remembered that first moment when she finally convinced him to let go - flying off so quickly, he couldn’t keep up; but he let go. It was the proudest and scariest moment of his life. She was strong and capable. 

Growing up she always took risks. It scared Edward to see her in any danger or to get hurt, but he allowed her to take her risks. That is the way parents should be. Kids have to learn that sometimes the decisions they make can be problematic and can cause immediate, if not future, issues.  

Her mother, his dearest wife - god he loved her - had always babied her. Wanted her protected her at all times. Sometimes he disagreed, but always acquiesced. It did make life easier, but his daughter still persevered and did her own thing. Teenager life, when she became a young woman, was somewhat of a difficult time. But they all made it through the trials and tribulations of youth. 

This girl, his precious daughter, was good. She had had her issues, but when she became an adult, at the age of 24, she got her life together. She had finally committed to school, graduated (another proud moment) with a degree, and secured herself an excellent job. She had met the love of her life. He believed that - having seen how she looked at her husband the way his wife had looked at him, and the way he looked at her, the same way he had always admired his wife. She had been a goddess and the biggest blessing that had ever entered his universe. 

Now, his greatest gift, his only daughter, was wheeling him into a place to take his life over. He hated the idea, but he knew in his mind that it was likely the correct decision; he had almost burned down his own house.  

Edward knew what he was encountering, but for some reason he was feeling anxiety entering the front door. He had that nagging feeling that he had been here before but couldn’t remember when. 

She wheeled him in. They met the people at the door to welcome him. He started to feel more anxious, but it didn't make any sense to him. He knew in his brain that this was the right decision. He was still a (relatively) young man, only 74, but his faculties were failing and it wasn’t a bad idea to have people available immediately if needed. It was also a great thing to not worry about household repairs, bills, groceries, etc. And hell, maybe he could even get laid! Maybe. 

His wife had been gone for five years now. It was a tough thing for him. He had loved her with every fibre of his being. He couldn’t recall a time that they had actually fought. Disagreed – even argued – yes, of course! Who didn’t? Name a couple that hasn’t had a disagreement. But the relationship they had was something that couldn’t' be described in words. It was almost letter perfect. 

Yeah, he knew that is something that people say, but unless you’ve actually experienced it, you can't describe it. 

The woman had been a goddess. The most perfect woman to have ever existed on the face of the earth. Perfect for him, and perfect for each other. This was his daughter’s mother. She was much like her. Absolutely perfect. 

As they were wheeling into the place, he realized why he was having anxiety. It wasn’t the state of affairs today - he suddenly realized why he felt he’d been there before. 

Thinking back to the age of ten. He was dressed up nicely after church. It was back in the day when parents actually took the time to make sure their kids were dressed appropriately, so he was wearing the short pants and jacket with a tie. He looked very smart at the time. He was brought to this building. He knew it. The décor had changed a bit, but the setup was quite similar. 

He had brought his new school art work to show. He had made sure that it hadn’t been damaged in the car. He wanted to make sure that is was pristine. It was still perfect. He was very proud of it. It was a painting that showed both his parents in the garden, their favourite place to be during down time. It especially made a point of showing the pea plants of which his parents were very proud. 

He was a little nervous to be there, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He really wanted to see and visit and show his artwork. 

When they had gotten past the front desk and been allowed entry, Edward felt poorly. It seemed like a very sad place. At 10 years old, he didn’t know why he felt this. 

Edward was shuffled into a room after seeing the faces of many ghosts - people that looked like they had nothing left. Those images never left his young brain. 

In the room, he finally saw who he was there to see. His maternal grandfather.  

He looked sad. He looked pale. He looked ill. Edward thought at the time that he just needed some medicine like his mommy gave him when he felt ill.  

Edward ran up to his grandpa and happily hugged him and showed him his artwork. His grandpa barely responded. Edward was confused. His grandpa had always been his greatest supporter. He couldn’t understand why he was now not giving him the accolades that he had always done in the past.  

His parents sat by the bedside with sad eyes, looking like they were going to cry. Edward didn’t understand, but they only stayed a few minutes longer, and then left. 

A few weeks later, Edward was told his grandpa had died. 

It hit him very hard. His grandpa had been a very strong supporter in his world. The things that he had taught him about how to treat people, especially the ones you love, had resonated greatly in his small brain. 

He vowed, at that point, at the age of ten, to always treat people with respect, and never forget his grandpa. 

Having pledged that, he now realized why his anxieties were kicking in. This was it! He was in the same place he hadn't been since he was a child! 

So many emotions, so many issues, so many.... he didn’t know how to describe!!!! 

He knew, with the right part of his brain that was still operating, that his lovely daughter, the one that he loved so much wasn’t doing this to harm him, but a certain ten-year-old brain knew...  

This was the place that people came to die.