Jeremiah walked up what had to have been at least thirty gold steps, squinting from the glare of the bright July sun reflecting off the stairs. Halfway to the top he began to chuckle to himself because people have talked about what they would or wouldn’t do for a million bucks or even declare they’d do anything for it. But the question becomes harder to answer when it’s for fifty million dollars. When you find yourself dressed in a metallic suit complete with a rainbow fur jacket trodding up the most gaudy stairs that ever existed to show your compliant face to an estranged aunt who is about to croak, you realize you’d do a lot for that much money. This woman must be something else if even the dealings of her will and her estate are orchestrated under her supervision.
Getting here was no less interesting than the ascent to her front door. Three days ago he received a large box hand delivered by one of her people. Inside was the clothing he was to wear in order to meet her dress code as well as a note written with gold and silver foil.
It read:
Dear Jeremiah,
Unfortunately I will not be gracing this sadly bland world much longer. Henceforth, I will be partaking in the distribution of my estate. Those who wish to have a hand in my fortune will need to attend my main residence in three days time. Sorry for the short notice, but as I mentioned, I’m dying.
Best wishes,
Alexandra of Iridescent Isle Estates
Then three days later, he was wearing the clothes and peering through the curtain next to his front door so when his aunt’s driver arrived, he could dart into it without too many neighbors seeing the spectacle. Maybe they would just think they’d imagined seeing a silver alien in party dress darting through the Summer Willow Apartments parking lot and not Jeremiah wearing the opposite of his usual jeans and t-shirt.
They arrived at the property and the car passed through two separate sets of gates and drove nearly another ten minutes to the house, passing a massive collection of sculptures and hedge gardens and statues. They arrived at the gleaming white marble round-about driveway where he was dropped off at these terrible gold stairs. He thought, ‘What, the five star transportation ends here?’ Unfortunately the drivers were not going to be carrying him up the steps today.
At the top of the steps, now damp with sweat, Jeremiah wonders whether to use the knocker on the door or the door bell but while looking around the door swings open to an older gentleman shockingly in a very nice and very normal looking suit. He nods once and gestures for Jeremiah to enter.
“Hi, I’m Jeremiah-”
“Yes, yes. We sent for you, I know your name young man. Just through there,” the gentleman responds.
Jeremiah’s vision catches on random details but the main room is eccentrically decorated with printed wallpaper that looked floral but up close was a smattering of lions and giraffes and elephants. There was too much to look at. It was an assault on the eyes with small lamps and a gallery wall and lots of trinkets.
Into the next room where he was being ushered, his eyes could relax with the more subdued decor albeit still not the typical stuff that a regular person would have. Nonetheless, looking behind him for the gentleman who simply stood in the door way, hands behind his back and now wearing white sunglasses, he stepped around one of two exaggeratedly tall wing back chairs facing a fireplace to find an elderly woman in one of them.
“If it isn’t my nephew whom I’ve been anticipating all morning! It is so delightful to finally meet the person who is going to have my fortune. Well, might have it. Have a seat, Jeremiah,” Aunt Alexandra said.
Jeremiah sits and wipes the palms of his hands on his pants. It doesn’t do much since the pants are some metallic fabric made from polyester or something like it that doesn’t absorb moisture.
“It’s nice to meet you too. I never knew my mom had a sister, she never mentioned you,” he replied.
Aunt Alexandra is shocked he would say that to her upon meeting. She thought that he was a bit rude compared to the others who either reached out and grasped her hands in theirs or worked at pushing out a tear as if they knew her.
“Well, I suppose I haven’t spoken much about her either in the passed thirty years. We never had much in common as is most likely visually obvious, your mom being some sort of minimalist ,” she replied.
Then Jeremiah murmured under his breath, “We are all minimalists compared to this.”
“Sorry? Oh never mind. Blake here will escort you to the dining room for the dinner. Please do try to make yourself comfortable and occupied until I can join the meal. Good bye now.”
Jeremiah furrowed his brow and a moment later the gentleman, presumably Blake, was at his elbow gentle urging him up. The invite hadn’t mentioned dinner. He stood and they left through a different door at the other side of the room where they snaked down a curving hallway that reminded him somehow of a funhouse. This was the type of house with many halls and connecting rooms. A house that would take hours to learn your way around.
Inside the dining hall, there were windows spanning the back wall of the house to frame a stunning garden with fountains and art. In front of the window was a long table seated with a dozen other people. Blake stood holding out a chair for Jeremiah.
Once seated, he surveyed the table. It was set with a complicated layout of many utensils and plates and bowls. He hoped an odd woman like Aunt Alexandra isn’t a table etiquette stickler because he didn’t have the first idea what any of it was for.
He ran his hand over the many ornate spoons and knives to the right of his plate.
“I hope you know what those are for. That’s the first test. Whether we are proficient in proper dinner etiquette,” said the girl next to him.
He looked up at her and she looked back with a serious gaze.
Then she said, “Just kidding, bud. Seems like everyone is sweating a little over all these dishes and stuff. Hell, I don’t know etiquette. So if that is a test, we can fail it together.”
His eyes were still wide and his head shook side to side slightly when he replied,”Uh, okay well good, then. What tests are you talking about. Tests for what?”
“We are all here hoping to inherit Alexandra’s money. Like you, none of us knew we were just candidates for the inheritance. But, we’ve figured it out by now that this dinner is for her to interact with all these people that she’s never met so she can choose who is going to get it all.”
“Oh god. I had no idea. I wasn’t very charming when I met her. I kind of assumed I must be the only one who could get the money.”
“None of us know this woman. She disowned everyone she was related to a long time ago. We are all distant family and friends. She has no children. So welcome to the hunger games of Iridescent Isle Estate,” she said while smirking and took a sip from a teacup. “Try yours,” she said and lifted her teacup.
He picked his up and drank. It was brandy. He drank two big gulps and set it down.
“Yours is brandy too right,” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied, keeping his eyes down.
“Wow. Brandy must be your drink of choice.”
His eyes widened.
She responded, “No judgment, I’m more of a Jameson type of girl.”
He relaxed, despite his embarrassment. It’s been a hard year, and he’s gotten so used to the burn of alcohol because of his daily night caps that get him through the days.
Blake clears his throat and gains the eyes of everyone in the room. “Welcome, dinner will begin shortly. But before then, we would like each of you to go ahead and sing along to a favorite song of Mrs. Alexandra. It will please her greatly if you do so.”
Bohemian Rhapsody cuts through the silence and Jeremiah watches, eyebrows raised, at his dinner mates as they sing along competing for volume with each other. To his right, the girl whose name he didn’t get was singing too. He joins in but only nailing the last few words of each line.
Once ended, everyone claps enthusiastically.
Money talks.
Promptly several waiters rush into the room, dressed in neons and patterns. They deposit food in front of everyone and dash back to the kitchen just as quickly. The food is flavorful and different but as soon as Jeremiah starts to dig in, the waiters are back. This time taking the food back up and depositing round two. He looks up to see if anyone objects and although there are confused faces, no one says a thing. But instead, they eat more quickly.
This continues through eleven courses. No wonder they take the food up so quickly, because it would be impossible to consume that much.
Blake reappeared after the last coarse was taken away.
“I hope you all enjoyed the meal,” he said and looked for affirmation from the crowd. Many of them nodded back desperately.
“That was Alexandra’s favorite meal, customary here at the estate. Another custom here is entertainment while you digest. Please enjoy.” He passes the entertainers on his way out.
The lights in the room seem to brighten and hypnotic music plays while female dancers covered in body paint twirl and flip and contort themselves around the room. One even is suspended from the ceiling doing aerial acrobatics in purple silk. The dancers run their hands along some guests or pull them to their feet encouraging them to dance. One boy, stood up at his own volition and danced right along with them, mimicking their moves. Jeremiah hoped they wouldn’t come towards him.
After what felt like too long, they exited.
Blake didn’t return right away and quiet fell upon them. There was a shy feeling like being naked. Especially for some who had engaged in the show. Now under the bright lights, no one talked or looked at each other.
Eventually, they heard the jabbering of Alexandra approaching down the hall. Blake wheeled her in and she was seated at one end of the table. Now she had on clothing that can’t be described as a shirt and pants or a dress; it was indistinguishable whether it was one piece or two but an avant-guarde collar framed her face which was now done up with exaggerated but flattering makeup. She looks good for being a dying woman.
She set her hands on the table, long nails making a satisfying tapping on the stone. No one breathed.
“I’m glad to see you’ve enjoyed yourselves tonight. It’s been a delight,” she began.
Jeremiah wondered how she could know. He thought maybe she’d been watching from another room but told himself instead that she’d just been getting dressed.
“I can’t tell you how lonely it’s been here with just the staff. It is so lovely to see the familial connection that we have despite never having met,” she said, addressing everyone as if there weren’t twelve people she was talking to. “I’d hoped you’d enjoy the arts and luxuries we have here for the night.”
She smiled then and still no one spoke besides the nods and a “mmm” of agreement from someone. She eyed them each in turn.
“As your keen minds have surely figured out, I won’t be doling out my fortune between all of you but will keep my promise to one of you to give you my entire fortune. In due time you will come to discover whether or not you have. But for now I would like to invite you to absorb with me the spirits that have gone before us as I prepare to join them and leave you lovely people I’ve just met. You are just like family to me, I must say. So similar to myself, I am finding.”
Her lips puckered to the side as she squinted and once again scanned the faces. Some smiled back, some gazed back seriously and nodded like they know what she is thinking and thus, they agree.
The lights brighten further in the room causing all the colors in the room to shine white instead. Alexandra grabs the hands to her sides and everyone follows suit around the table into a secure ring.
“Now close your eyes and lift your chins to the sky while we connect with the beyond. Life is fluid and eternal and we are one with each other including those not visible in this room.”
Jeremiah thinks, c’mon? This is too weird! He complies but sees movement through his eyelids because of the light. He peaks through one eye and finds the dancers, hands joined, circling the table.
A humming grows from Alexandra. The rest of the room joins and soon it’s loud as a storm.
The humming doesn’t remind Jeremiah of spirits but of claustrophobia. Overwhelm.
Jeremiah shoots out of his chair and breaks the circle. Every eye flies open except Alexandra.
“I’ve got to get out,” he stammers. His fists clench and tension holds his shoulders up towards his ears. “I lose or withdraw or whatever. The singalong was one thing and the meal was a little bazaar. I held my breath through the dance but, but this is wrong. I’m out.”
He waited to no response, and surprisingly found his way back to the gold steps with ease, like the house opened up to spit him out, rejecting him like poison.
Two weeks later, Jeremiah was on brandy number two for the night while he watched the new crime series on TV. Since the night of the dinner, his comparatively bland life was a welcomed palate cleanser from the onslaught of oddities that night. He didn’t feel sorry he lost the inheritance because he couldn’t have taken her place eating those meals and living in that house with the weird staff.
On his way to bed that night, now comfortably numb from the alcohol, he passed his front door where a pile of mail lay on the mat. He grabbed it and instantly felt his mouth go dry at the sight of a gold, thick envelope. He thought, after the way he left, there wouldn’t be so much as a “unfortunately, we chose someone else” letter. Writing on the back of the envelope said: if you are reading this, Alexandra of Iridescent Isle Estate has passed. He tore it open and read and reread:
Dearest Jeremiah,
I hope you’ve been well. Unfortunately, I’m clearly not. But congratulations, you are fifty million dollars richer because of it! May you use it and spend it well, how you see fit. Don’t try to copy or be like me because you can’t, I’m one of a kind. Not that I’m worried, I chose you because you were the only one not blinded by the money enough to pretend to enjoy what I enjoy. I know I have unique taste suited to myself only and the thought of someone filling my place here is unbearable. Now it is someone else’s time with this fortune to enjoy what it can do. You held your integrity and although the others thought they appealed to me for agreeing with my interests, you stuck with who you were. I admire that greatly. I am Alexandra through and through. And I can tell that you are Jeremiah to your core. Now go be Jeremiah of Whatever You Choose and enjoy my boy.
See you on the other side,
Aunt Alexandra
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