Shattered

The man clenched his gun in his hand. Feeling it. Everything around him seemed impossible. His rage boiled at the thought of confronting the evil before him. The man, who had his back to him, was covered in darkness, not much to be seen. He bit his tongue, bringing his gun up. Aiming it at the voided creature.

“Look at me.” he muttered. He had been searching it seemed, for a eternity. Wasting his life away trying to find this. This man. The one responsible for all his sorrows and regrets. He needed to look him in the eyes when he shot. This time he won’t miss.

This creature, this man, did not move. Seeming to be deaf to the mutters of his demands. He clenched his gun tighter, screaming this time.

“Look at me!”

The creature finally turned. Slowly facing the man. He smiled, looking into the eyes of a lifelong hunt never felt more anticipating. He was desperate for the satisfaction. The feeling of revenge he had sought out for so long. “I have been looking for you.”

“I know.”

The mans hand shook. The hurt that he had bottled up and stuck in his heart, finally resurfacing. “You took everything from me…” The creature didn’t respond. He simply began to walk toward him. He steadied his gun with his other hand. The creature stopped. Tilting it’s head.

“what are you expecting to accomplish from this? Relief? Satisfaction maybe?” The man sucked in a breath, swallowing the lump that continued to endlessly build in his throat. “Shut up.”

“You won’t win. It will never get easier. you will always live with your sorrow, and if you pull the trigger, guilt.” The man aimed the gun at the creatures chest. Point blank range. “Don’t try it.”

“you can not change the past. No matter how many times you think you can, everything is the same and it always will be.” Tears shed from the mans eyes. There is no greater pain than this. An unknown emotion that no one can put a name to. A mixture of guilt, regret, and grief. Some people will say that the best way to deal with this unknown emotion, is to accept it. Forgive. Maybe yourself or another, make piece with what you have and what you lost. But, others will tell you that acceptance isn’t an option. That forgiveness is to hard to comprehend, so they result to the easier option. The weak option. Letting that emotion sit and boil until it becomes pure rage. Consuming its occupant until the host is unrecognizable.

That anger can form into anything. For this man, it formed into revenge. An emotion that can make a sane man be corrupted into something different. A creature if you will.

The man pressed lightly on the trigger, his mind consumed by rage that no rational thought could pass the barrier it put up. The gun went off, the sound deafening to some but inaudible to the man or the creature.

The creature looked down at where the man shot. Not a scratch. The man let out a gagged breath, choking on his own tongue. A small gasp of satisfaction before clashing back with reality. The creature looked back at the man. “do you feel fulfilled?” The creature questioned. “We have both been down this road before.”

“No matter how many times you come here. How many times you shoot that gun or stab the knife. You can not escape me. You can not rid yourself of me.”

The man dropped the gun into the void. His fingers twitching violently. He slammed his palms a top of his eyes. Falling to his knees. His heart still weighed heavy, even after searching for so long. Only to come face to face with the reality.

The creature but his hand a top the mans head. “We will continue to play this game and I will continue to poison your heart until all you have left is emptiness.”

Some will say that revenge can only be sought on an individual. That would be wrong. The mans tears fell nowhere. Keeping his head down as facing himself would be too hard. The thing that stood above him. The thing that he has shot and stabbed at every angle can not be hidden away so easily. Killing it won’t change anything. As long as the mans heart beats, the thing will attach itself to it. Beating right along with it.

There are only a few ways to kill something so dark. They are never easy. They require work. Effort. Pain. Although the pain is temporary, confronting the thing that haunts your soul requires a strength only few have, and the ones that don’t have it are stuck to sink in their own past and guilt. The man was one. A lonely individual who took the weak way out. Allowing his anger to build up until it consumed him. Creating an unrecognizable creature. A creature so vague not even the man himself could identify it. That the thing he had been searching for, Trying to kill for so long had been right there the whole time. In the mirror when he brushed his teeth. In the hands that tied his shoes every morning. In the reflection of every window he passed. Looking back at him.

The man had done this a thousand times, to blind by revenge to realize he was not accomplishing anything. Going through the same, endless cycle every time he laid to sleep. Having to confront the creature he created.

The man set up in his bed, the morning sun peering through the curtains in his room. His heart still weighed heavy, untold and unknown emotions still clawed at it, flowed through his blood into his mind. Blinding him once again. He rolled over, swinging his feet over the bed. Every morning having to confront his actions with a single image. His eyes instinctively looked over, an unconscious decision, a routine. A small frame set bathing in the sunlight, A woman, a man, and a child. All sitting and smiling like they had everything in the world, for a moment, the man swore he could hear the image. Looking away, the house seemed eerily quiet now…

When he looked through the mirror that morning. tied his shoes, seeing himself in every glass pane he passed. Nothing changed. That night he would lay back to sleep, repeating the same thing once again. Maybe aiming for a different spot or stabbing one more or one less time then he did before. But no matter what he did differently, nothing would change. His mind still covered by revenge, never taking the harder option of forgiveness.