I'm sad, so I think I'll have some ice cream

I’m angry, so I think I’ll go kick a tree, purely for the purpose of my anger.

“Honey, where are you going?” my husband asks. I turn around, out of frustration.

“To go see a tree.”

I slam the door as I exit the house, and the cold breeze hits my face. I didn’t know it could be this cold.

Now I’m even more angry because it's cold. The stupid wind doesn't need to make me feel even more angry then I already am! Stupid Earth.

Back in the old days, there were these things called “Self Help Books” and they would basically tell you to go to therapy if you were angry. Nobody does this anymore, because when people are angry, they go and do things out of impulse, not logic.

There is a big cherry tree outside of my house, and it reminds me of the one that George Washington cut down. Or was it Abe Lincoln? We don't have Presidents anymore. But one of the Presidents back in the old days cut down a cherry tree.

I storm up to the cherry tree, and kick it as hard as I can. I cry out in pain as my foot makes a loud crack. 

“Why couldn’t it be a CHERRY BUSH?!” I scream, tears streaming down my cheeks. The wind dries them up quickly.

“Come inside honey-” my husband yells from the porch.

“No, because I’m ANGRY!”

I kick the tree again, forgetting about my foot, and I scream in pain.

“You need a doctor honey!”

“I NEED to kick this tree!” I scream, karate chopping the tree with my hand. “DIE TREE DIE!”

This goes on for a couple more minutes, so I sit down on the ground, feeling the dirt in my hands. My husband walks out of the house a bit later, holding his bags.

“Where are you going?” I ask. He frowns. 

“I’m leaving you.” he says simply, throwing his bags into the trunk of the hoverboard.

“What, WHY?” I wail, hitting the ground with my hands. He shrugs.

“You make me sad cause you're kicking my favorite tree. I’m sad, so I’m leaving you.” he gets onto the hoverboard and floats away into the night sky. I get up and go into my house, limping. The door shuts behind me and it's much warmer here.

I’m envious, because he probably is leaving for someone better than me.

I bet she's blond, with purple eyes and lavender skin. Oh how pretty she would be in person. Maybe I should dye my skin lavender. I think I will.

I go into my bathroom and get the skin dyes out, picking out a dark purple and a white. I mix them together until they make the color I want, than I get a dye brush and paint it onto my pale white skin.

After about an hour of being mad and waiting, I wash off the skin dye, and my skin is a pretty lavender color. My husband loved to dye his feet purple, so that's the only reason I would have the dye.

I send him a picture, captioned “Are you happy now? Bet u wish you didn't leave cause now i'm gorgeous af!”

He reads it, but no reply. He's probably drowning in his tears because I'm so pretty and he misses me, obviously.

I sit on the couch.

I’m lonely because I feel like it.

He finally replies with a “i can’t go back to you, I’m already seeing someone else.”

Now it gets worse.

I’m sad, so I think I’ll have some ice cream.