Tiny Red Rose 13

The pain was like electricity that flowed through my whole being. I could almost taste their betrayal in my mouth. It's been many long years of trying to endure everything...

Their wanting to keep me at the mental institutions, forcing me to drink those lurid antipsychotics.

Everyday that passes by kept me on both feet somehow.

But the side effects are really starting to get to me.

It took me a while before I've realized the cold feeling against my face.

My hand automatically shot up and felt the wetness of tears on my cheeks.

I was crying without me realizing it sooner.

Dad suddenly came through my doorway, gripping the antipsychotics on his hand. He waved them at me almost threateningly.

"If you still refused to drink this, I'm gonna beat you!" He warned me, his eyes blazing.

More tears came to my eyes, yet I stubbornly clenched my teeth.

"Then go ahead. I don't need those. God knows I'm not crazy. You of all people should know better!" I hissed at him.

Watching with horror, I backed against the wall when he started darting towards me. Taking long strides, he got in front of me and began grabbing me about my shoulders, shaking me.

"When will you ever learn to accept the truth?" He demanded.

My lower lip trembled, but I managed to whisper back. "I should be the one saying that."

With such force, he threw me against the floor then began dragging me by the arms towards the door out the living room.

I tried my best to fight him, nearly crawling as I landed on my backside as he continued to drag me across the floorboards.

The agonizing pain went through my body and confused my senses as he hit me over and over, then threw me on the floor again.

I knew I was bruised and had minor scratches. But the physical pains were nothing compared to how I've emotionally felt at that time.

Suddenly my stomach seems to turn upside down. I recoiled at the nausea and doubled over as I almost retched.

My vision suddenly became blurry and my head seems to spin.

Dad kept yelling curses. I barely heard everything. I slumped down on the cold hard floor and tried to relax.

A pulse quickened against my throat.

"You're gonna have to finish me off if you ever want me to take those damned meds." I muttered incoherently, staring up into his eyes.

He looked like a devil on the spot. "Fine, don't take them. Wait till we bring you back to the rehab." He laughed an evil laugh.

The pain nearly blinded me as I tried my best not to barf all over the waxed floors.

I carefully got to my feet and walked slowly towards my room, shutting the door behind me. I collapsed on top of my bed and began bursting in silent tears.

I knew right then that I needed to make sure. I needed to take a simple test.

A while later I stood at the cashier of a drugstore, paying for a small slim pack of a pregnancy test kit.

My insides seems to dance in suspense. As I got home later, I decided I needed to talk to my long-term boyfriend, Adam.

I grabbed my phone and tried to call him. No one answered. I decided to text him instead.

"Can we meet soon? I miss you..."

Another tear found its way down the side of my face. I closed my eyes and prayed before opening the kit.

Later I felt almost as if I'm floating as I kept staring at the kit by the sink.

It has two lines. A positive. Holy Cow. I'm pregnant.

How can I ever tell him? Will he be able to accept it?

More tears came as I hiccuped. I began hugging myself as I sat on the toilet and wept.

Good thing I'm no longer taking the dangerous antipsychotics!

I bowed my head and prayers suddenly seems to almost embrace me deep inside me.

I closed my eyes and savored the warm presence of something supernatural that seems to fold itself about me, shushing my tears.

I almost saw the face of Jesus Christ as He sang me lullabies and sacred hymns.

I knew right then that I gotta fight for us. Me and my babe. I must live on and no longer let them take control of me and force me to drink those so called meds.

I need to let my lover know that he's going to be a father soon.

That afternoon I decided to go to his place. A common friend and neighbor, Jasel, grabbed my forearm and stopped me by the street in front of their house.

"What's going on?" I gasped.

He merely chuckled, then sighed.

"Adam wanted me to tell you that it's all over now. He wants to break up with you. He thinks you're cheating on him!" He cried, looking almost scared.

My vision blurred for several seconds and he guided me to sit down by the gardens.

"I've never cheated on him, Jasel. I love him so much. What am I going to do?"

He sighed. "He'll be leaving for the US tonight. It's his flight to New York City."

I almost felt my head spin. "He can't leave without knowing!"

Jasel blinked. "Knowing what, to be exact?"

I burst into uncontrollable sobs. He let me lean on his shoulder and rubbed my back.

"Shush now. It's gonna be okay."

"Jasel, I'm pregnant. I'm carrying his child."

Jasel looked stunned. "He does need to know."

That's when everything suddenly turned dark.

*. *. *

I woke up to the sound of voices arguing by the door of my room. It took me a while to realize that I'm no longer with Jasel by the gardens of his house. He must have carried me home to my parents'.

I coughed and carefully turned on my side, covering myself with the bed covers.

Suddenly I've felt so cold.

The door opened and in came my mom, dad dragging himself behind her. They both looked nervous.

"Honey, Jasel told us you're pregnant. Is it true?" Mom asked in a lowered tone.

I merely nodded, closing my eyes.

She gasped. "Whoever is the father?"

"It's my childhood friend and long-term boyfriend, Adam Tyler. You might remember him from last year. He used to come here everyday with his guitar." I slowly murmured, feeling hurt by just remembering.

Adam and I used to be inseparable. Now things have gone downhill.

"Does he already know?" Dad said, raising his eyebrows.

I sighed and shook my head. "Nope. He's already left for New York."

Mom and Dad looked at each other. They they both glared at me.

"How are you supposed to give birth and raise a kid on your own?" Mom exploded, throwing up her hands almost helplessly.

"I don't know. But I'd rather keep it." I told them, wiping my tears on my face with my palms.

"I'm going to be a loving mother. You can't let me give this baby up!" I cried.

Dad suddenly looked like he was going to cry as well.

"Of course you can. We're not asking for you to get an abortion, don't worry."

"Can you leave me alone for now? I'm rather vulnerable right now." I whispered.

They both nodded and started to leave my room.

Then mom turned.

"At least you have to find a way to let him know. He deserves to know."

I stared at her and dad.

"Can you please no longer force me to take those horrible meds?" I pleaded.

They said nothing and went out the door.

*. *. *

That night I kept crying, stroking my tummy. I tried my best to keep from sobbing out loud.

"I'm sorry my child. Your father has left. I have no idea if he'll be back and when." I whispered hoarsely to my stomach. I was told that embryos can understand and hear their mothers' voice even through the folds of skin.

"Everything is going to be okay. I'm right here. You've got me. We got each other. We'll make it through."

I murmured a silent prayer for peace and a safe delivery to St. Gerard Majella before I drifted off to sleep.

*. *. *

(5yrs later)

I was outside Jasel's house with Samuel, my five year old son, buying cookies and candies at his store that one hot summer afternoon.

I'd forgotten to bring umbrellas with us.

Muttering to myself, I nearly jumped at the sound of a lone voice calling my name from behind me.

My nerves danced nervously as I recognized the owner of the voice.

Adam stood by the sidewalk near Jasel's house, his long hair flying off his face in waves, his dark brown eyes glittering.

His muscular build nearly towered by the bushes beside him. I stared back at him in awe, not knowing what to say.

"Paula! How are you? It's been almost forever..." He said happily, walking closer to towards me.

I almost gasped when Samuel spoke under my elbow.

"Who is he, mom? Is he bothering you?" He asked, pointing a lollipop at Adam.

They stared at each other. Adam's face went pale and his eyes widened.

Samuel spoke first. "Why does he look like me?" The child wondered out loud.

"Yes sweetie. You're a spitting image of him. Because he's your father." I told him.

Turning towards Adam, I nodded and beckoned him to come closer.

"When you thought I was cheating on you five years ago...well, I really wasn't. And I was supposed to tell you about him, but you've already left." I explained awkwardly, gesturing at Samuel.

Adam's eyes filled with tears. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke.

"Samuel...I'm Adam Tyler. I'm proud to say I'm your father."

Suddenly Adam was gathering Samuel in his strong arms, crying happy tears as he murmured in his ear while stroking his hair and face.

"You're my Dad? That's why I looked a lot like you?" Samuel smiled and touched Adam's cheek.

"Don't ever leave us again, Dad." He said, hugging him back.

A cloud passed by and partially covered the sun for a moment. Paula remembered it was Friday the 13th. The day Adam came back and he and Samuel finally met. That was the day the tiny red rose began to open its petals by her bedroom window. And bloomed forever, it seems.