A Meeting of Minds

(T/W Sexual Content, Profanity)

My eyelids weigh heavily as a talking head wearing a wrinkle-free pantsuit sits at the front end of the boardroom table, purging a steady stream of the industry’s latest buzzwords.  I now secretly refer to this person as “The Head” to keep my relationship with her and her horrible business-minded enthusiasm as detached as possible.  When her mantras are uttered, their motivational intents have the complete opposite effect on me.  My anger builds, and I find myself sarcastically thinking, I’d like to use this group’s synergy to think outside of the box to develop a plan to blow up the entire office building, and then I’d like to circle back, be proactive, take ownership, and declare that my forward-thinking attitude made this happen.

My devious thoughts are interrupted as The Head praises one of her favorite brownnosers, Patricia Ward.  “I want to recognize Patricia’s efforts.  She has worked tirelessly to ink this deal, and she always has the bandwidth to take on new tasks and finds a pathway to yes,” The Head says with a smile.  Patricia bounces in her seat, covering her mouth with faked excitement, her ancient blonde beehive bobbing up and down as the rest of the drones mindlessly clap their hands.

A bitter taste of bile bubbles up my throat, and an involuntarily retort fires from my mouth, “So did Bill Cosby.”

The clapping stops, and the room’s jubilance falls into hisses and silence.  I slowly mutter, “He always found pathways to yes…Too soon?”

The Head frowns in disapproval, but fearing that her meeting will sink to the level of my inappropriate comment, she artificially lifts her nose and mouth corners before giving a final blast of inspiration, saying, “We have reached a hard stop due to my next meeting.  Keep these topics on your radar, and we will pivot as necessary to lockstep and bring this in for the win.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at The Head’s ability to rattle off that final string of annoying phrases.  My laughing did not go unnoticed.  The Head leaned forward, saying, “Kathy, I need you to stay here for a moment.”

I pounce back down into my sweat-warmed office chair.  I run my fingers through the length of my untamed hair and let out a sigh of disapproval.  The sigh must have pierced The Head’s eardrums like an ice pick striking its frozen target because her cheery mouth sinks, and her brow collapses into reddening waves of frustration.

The room rapidly clears.  The Head stands and closes the door.  She walks to the center of the long table in front of me, picks up a remote for the room’s blinds, and closes them.  She sits down directly across from me and rolls her chair forward.  The closing of the blinds intensifies the room’s lighting, and I become aware of her striking facial features for the first time.

She is naturally stunning.  I sit still as her green eyes peer into my baby blues.  Her lips are luscious, giving a small quiver as breath slips through a slight gap between them.  Their glistening dampness makes me want to circle my dry mouth with my tongue, but I am trapped in her gaze and cannot move.  Her visage is awe-inspiring, and I am mesmerized.

What seems like an eternity passes before her lips part, and a flurry of pantomimed words begins to spill over her glistening pearl-white teeth. My ears are under the same trance as my paralyzed body, not hearing a sound.  She starts waving her hands in the air, and as she does, I can’t help but notice her perky breasts bouncing beneath the air orchestra she seems to be conducting.  They are gorgeously plump, pushing her bra’s limits, reminding me of two boisterous steeds begging to be unbridled.  A golden necklace navigates the ravine of her chest.  Dangling at its bottom is a sparkling cartouche playing peek-a-boo over the top button of her shirt; its hieroglyphics dance too quickly for me to decipher them. I imagine that their symbols spell out G-O-D-D-E-S-S. I worry that she will notice me staring at her neckline and the magnificently toned muscles that branch upward to her smoothly defined jaw, so I shift my eyes back to hers.  Her emerald-filled sockets flash like laser beams as she rolls them around the room.  She harnesses their beaming and focuses them back on mine.  I melt in their piercing glow.

How had I not noticed this beautiful creature before?

Bright sparkles appear in my peripheral vision and slowly gravitate into an orbit around her pony-tailed auburn hair.  I can feel the pull of their swirling as if the tiny orbs of light are drawing me nearer to her.  I sway under their influence like a lethal cobra wooed by a hypnotic flute player. I slowly lean across the table, propping myself upon my hands, their sweaty palms steaming the glass tabletop. I surge forward and lock lips with the temptress.

At first, she resists, but I persist, and she succumbs.  Nervous electricity zaps through our bodies like a lightning bolt sent from the heavens above.  At this moment, everything is right.  She is mine, and I am hers.  Our bodies celebrate.  Our surroundings celebrate.  The fluorescent bulbs above the table arc at their ballasts, sending fiery sparks showering around us.

She slips her lips from mine with a ferocious twist of her head while emitting a guttural grunt.  She slams her hand on the table and swipes pens, papers, and electronics from its surface with a brisk arm swing.  We both scramble toward each other, pulling our bodies tight and collapsing.  Our fall ends with a calamitous Thud!

***

Laughter erupts throughout the boardroom.  My forehead throbs.  I push my palms against the table and slowly raise my head from the drool-smeared glass of the table.  I’m surrounded by a pack of crazed hyenas in business attire, each releasing a high-pitched howl or yip.  I try to explain that I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately, but my weary voice cannot crest the ruckus.

The Head tries to regain control.  She waves her arms in descending graduations from high up, ending at the tabletop.  The laughter mirrors the motioned decline.  She looks at me and says, “Kathy’s work has been very impactful.  She has moved the needle for us several times and is always a team player.  Let’s table this conversation for later when we are all rested.  Ping me with any ideas you come up with.”

I am embarrassed, not just for falling asleep during a meeting, but for having an erotic dream about The Head.  She repulses me in every way!  Her final words, containing its flood of fucking jargonistic metaphors, reintroduce the bubbling bile to my mouth.  I think to myself, I want to ping her with a large rock!

I slowly work my way around the room toward the exit.  As I pass The Head, she places her hand on my shoulder, gently spinning me toward her.  I glance up, and her green peepers lock into my soul.  Her beautiful irises immerse me in a sea of viridescent waves.  I swim within them as she says, “Get some rest this weekend, Kathy.”  I am paralyzed, once again, and cannot speak.  She sees my pause and inquires about my state of bewilderment by asking, “Kathy, are you okay?”

I scramble to respond.  I open my mouth, and these words trickle out:

“Once I get boots on the ground, I will better understand the toolkit we need and close the loop with you.  I want to dive deep and talk to you offline so we can put bricks and mortar to this deal.”

She smiles with those luscious lips.  I break from The Head’s intoxicating trance and scurry from the room, disgusted with myself for my cowardly paradigm shift.

Another one... FML!