The secret's secret

-Can you keep a secret?

Those were the first words that came from my recently moved niece. Actually, my favourite niece, even if I always thought she was kind of…short-tempered. Well, she also doesn’t have much time being my favourite. Before, she was more like the awkward relative you were supposed to be nice to, because you know, family first. But since she left the city pursuing a better life in a rural area, I became her guide. I was the person she knew in this remote town, so I was the one she called when she needed help adjusting to her new lifestyle or…with anything really. So, after spending some time together she became my favourite.

Now, I think her plans of a new start could had been successful if she didn’t made a few choices, especially one choice. But she was already an adult with free will, so there wasn’t much I could do about it, even if I wished otherwise. So, when she called me over the phone and told me she need to talk, I kind of knew why.

I had to admit that if it wasn’t about that reason, I would be pretty excited. I really enjoy listening to people’s lives, my ears are always aching for a piece of information about the neighbour’s breakup or the milkman’s new baby. ¿Does that make me a tattletale? I think it would, if it wasn’t for one extra factor: everything I hear stays with me, like a secret that someone told me and they don’t remember doing so. Guess that makes me a secretive tattletale, ironically. Anyway, I not feel ashamed enjoying gossip. What’s the problem if I don’t hurt anyone?

So, I went to my niece’s house and opened the door with the face of someone who just cried a few moments ago: red eyes, wet cheeks, weak sobs. However, she was wearing a rather fancy dress and even some jewellery, a total contrast to the look on her face.

-Thanks- was the only word she said.

In a few moments, she we were in the dining room. She basically threw all her upper body in to the table while I started to cook dinner, knowing she wasn’t in the mood to do so. Then, she asked the famous question about my ability to keep secrets.

-¿A…secret? Sure, don’t worry. – I replied.

I thought me being a secretive tattletale was ironic. But she, being a secret herself, asking me to keep one…it was something else. I began cutting some vegetables and after a considerable silence, I had to turn around just to make sure I wasn’t alone. She was still there, barely making a sound, her gaze glued to the table were her arms rested. When she asked “can you keep a secret?” I figured it was something serious, but now I was starting to think otherwise; this wasn’t serious, it was deeply serious.

Knowing she needed time to find the words, I didn’t pressure her to say anything. What a shame, she was still young and healthy, why getting in stressfully situations? If only she didn’t met…

-Remember Bill?

That name. If she didn’t crossed paths with that name, the chances of her being happier are higher than my gossip knowledge. Oh, Bill, I know more about my neighbours than they think and you’re no exception: people say you’re a control freak, that you have slight insomnia, that your glasses need a 3.00 prescription and the list goes on.

-Yes, I totally remember him.

She didn’t said anything else, but I knew where this was going.

-What’s happened with him now?

-I’m pregnant- she said like spitting the words in a hurry.

That sentence alone was enough to freeze me. It made me to think a lot of questions, but the only one my lips could mutter was:

-Does his wife know?

If the wife knows, both my niece and Bill are screwed. She was already in a sticky situation when she agreed to date Bill despite him being married, but that was something she could escape from once she gained the will to do so. However, a baby…

This time, she spoke sooner.

-…nothing, she doesn’t know. I haven’t even told him…- then, with pleading eyes, she added- that’s why I’m telling you to keep it secret.

-I will.- as I resumed my cooking, deciding not to ask when she planned to tell him. She probably had a lot of time to think about it.

- By the way, what’s the dress for?- I said, trying to change the subject

-He threw a party for his son today.

Well, my attempt failed miserably.

-It was because he achieved something, I don’t remember what nor I care, but Bill said I could go if I wanted. - she said, despite my lack of response- Just as “one of his acquaintances” of course.

Her outfit was evidence enough of her final decision, but I still said:

-So, you went there?

-I wish I haven’t.

-Why would you go there? - Seriously, what criteria does this she follow to take her decisions? First, moving from the city despite not being used to rural life, then became a mistress and finally going to the party of a boy whose family would have no reason to celebrate if they knew what kind of acquaintance she was.

-Before I would’ve say it was the thrill of the unknown…- she said, looking down.

The thrill. Well, maybe I can relate to it when it comes to gossip.

-…but in this case, I did it because I wanted to know. About Bill’s family, just to see their dynamic…and they totally were the picture perfect family.

-You know better than anyone how fake is that statement. If it was true, then why is your relationship happening in the first place? - In fact, this isn’t even the first time Bill has an affair. Maybe his wife also did, but you know, it's just rumours.

-I’m asking myself the same question. Why? They both seem happy and satisfied with their children, I wondering if I am even necessary or if there’s place f-fo-for…- she stuttered- …you know.- her voice was almost inaudible to this point

Like I said, my niece is now my favourite. She doesn’t think things through, is rather impulsive and once she makes a decision is reluctant to change it, being as stubborn as she is. I wish I could take her away from all that mess, but if I did, she’ll probably repeat her actions. She needed to face the consequences, as sad as it was for them to come in the form of a baby. 

She didn’t say anything for the rest of the night, but when I was leaving, she suddenly hugged me. I stood there surprised, not expecting that reaction. She hugged me for long time, maybe more than 5 minutes. I slowly reciprocated, without saying a word.

-Thanks for…just being there. I feel a bit sorry for making you deal with me. If I wasn’t so…

-It’s fine- I reassured her.

-No it’s not. Things aren’t going the way I wanted…and I have nobody to blame but myself.

-What you just said is proof enough of a better future ahead for you.- and I really meant it. Maybe all these problems were changing her for better.

She smiled for the first time since I came to her house. Ad for the first time, her voice sounded clear and determined

-I’m going to tell him. Tomorrow.  

-Even if you don’t feel like doing it tomorrow, it doesn’t matter. It’s not something easy to say, take your time.

-I will. Goodbye and thanks…for being an aunt and a friend.

In my way back home, I was begging for Bill to be different with my niece. I really hoped so, because definitely going to miss her if that doesn’t happen.

Days went by without any communication from my niece, and just when I started to worry, she called me to come over again. It was like a déjà vu: she standing at the door, with her eyes swollen, red and wet. Her clothes? Thought not formal, they where totally clean and without any wrinkles, making again a contrast. And again, she sat at the table while I made her dinner. This time, however, her voice sounded worse than the last time.

-I told him.- I think that’s what she said, the cracking sound her voice had become made it difficult to know.

It was obvious how that went, so I decided to leave the dinner for later. She needed me more than before, I could tell.

-Go on, I’m listening.-I said, sitting next to her.

-…he said it was alright, that he would take care of it.

-Really??- I said almost screaming, so I lowered my voice- I mean, that’s actually better than I expected.

Maybe it would be different this time?

-No it’s not! - And then she broke in tears.- HE WANTS ME TO GET RID OF IT! WITH HIS MONEY! THAT’S WHAT HE CALLS “TAKING CARE”!!

This time I was the one to initiate a hug. I shed a few tears too. If things didn’t change then she will be…oh no. I can’t. I can’t hold back my tears and think I’m crying worse than her now. When was the last time I cried this bad? I felt like crying until I ran out of tears, but it seemed like that happened to her instead, because she manged to speak after a while. Instead, i was still struggling between sobs.

-But I didn’t know it at the time…I thought it was a good sign, like you did.- she suddenly said.- I hate when he pretends to care about me, because at the end I always end up buying it.

-No…-I said, already imagining what happened after.

-So when he invited me to go on a horse ride across the plateau, I said yes. I felt really happy there, thinking everything was going to be alright. We were both silent but it was a comfortable silence.

-And then?- I asked, not sure where she was going with it.

-Then he said a child was also bad for me, because nobody associated the word “mistress” with good people. He’s right. I’m not…I’m not a good person.

-Why are you saying those things?- that’s was all I could mutter. Maybe she wasn’t perfect but, who was?

-Because it’s true. A few days ago, you said I was changing for the better, and I really felt that as an undeniable truth. But then this happens…

Her breath started racing. Her eyes, without tears, managed to look even more miserable than with them. It was a heart-breaking sight.

I put my hands in her shoulders, trying to pacify her.

-It-it’s…s okay, tell me.- it was difficult to speak while battling my own tears.

Yet, it worked.

-After that, our argument went worse and worse, to the point I just wanted to leave and never see him again. He could have his wife, his kids, his horses…but not me! NO MORE!! –her screams were higher than ever.

-NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!

-Calm down, somebody’s is going to hear you!

-Well, nobody could hear anything there despite us screaming at each other like a thunder!!

-Just control your temper! It will do you good!

As soon as I said those words, she seemed to realize something.

-You’re right. I should learn to do that. It would be better. Everything would be better.

Her eyes seemed lost now, like looking in the absolute nothing despite being wide open.

-So, I was mad at him and wanted to leave, but he just wouldn’t stop chasing me. Wish he was so determined for doing other things…

I nodded.

-He wanted to keep it secret. He always does it and will continue to do so.- but something will always come up as a rumour, I know it.

She flat out ignored me and kept talking. In fact, it was starting to seem more like a monologue rather than a conversation.

-Then I realized he left the horse behind. If I reached it, then I could ride it and get off once I could distance myself…

-But you don’t know anything about riding horses.

She looked at me right in the eyes.

-I still did it.

-And?

-It…didn’t went well.

-What happened?

Her silence seemed eternal. Then, she said:

-Can you keep a secret?

Let me tell you this: I decided to keep her secret, and in order to do so, this story sadly has to end. Just don’t tell anybody about this, okay? Also don’t mind those people saying that what happened to Bill wasn’t an accident. They’re just malicious rumours.