Oh, What's in a Name?

From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Monday, May 12, 2025 08:26 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Subject: Get excited for a fun-filled staff competition

Greetings all Zoo Employees,

As I am sure you’re all aware, next Monday marks the opening of our long-awaited Friends of the Ocean aquatic exhibit. To celebrate this grand event, we in the Marketing Department have decided to run a company-wide competition to name the latest addition to this star attraction: Pterois volitans, our majestic new Red Lionfish.

For this competition, we’re asking you and your colleagues to come up with a fantastic name for our new fishy friend that celebrates the family community we here at the Central Park Zoo are proud to be part of. Each department will be allowed one submission, and the winner will be decided over the upcoming week through a fun-filled series of votes.

So gather your teams, get creative, and submit your entries to Julie in HR by the end of the day.

All the best,

Molly Acherson

Head of Marketing

Central Park Zoo

T: 02079 678 025 (ex 432)

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Monday, May 12, 2025 3:18 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Dear Colleagues,

I apologize for the repeat email, but just to clarify, any entries submitted for the competition that include profanities will be disqualified. Need I remind you that Central Park Zoo is a family-friendly establishment?

On that note, Julie in HR has gone home with a migraine. Any last-minute entries can be submitted to Rashid in Accounting.

Thank you, and have a lovely evening,

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Monday, May 12, 2025 4:28 PM

To: garythezooguy@hotmail.com

No, Gary, I will not let Customer Service resubmit their entry. I do not believe that was a typo, and I do not appreciate having to Google what a ‘Flubby Chubby’ is.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2025 8:17 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Morning All,

The first day of our competition was a smashing success. We received 35 (acceptable) submissions, which have now been posted in your break rooms (thank you, Rashid), next to some wonderfully themed ballot boxes (thank you Sybill, from Catering), where you can all now cast your votes on the polling slips provided.

Happy voting! And may the best team win!

Molly Acherson

Head of Marketing

Central Park Zoo

T: 02079 678 025 (ex 432)

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2025 11:32 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick follow-up: Voting for your own team is not allowed and goes against the spirit of this friendly competition. Please refrain from doing this. You’re making Rashid’s job very difficult.

Regards

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2025 2:26 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Hello All, me again,

While I appreciate the enthusiasm I am seeing throughout the Zoo for this competition, the aggressive slogan chanting is starting to distract the school groups, and a number of “Vote for Simba” stickers have made their way into the reptile enclosure and are now obscuring the exhibits.

While I welcome your passionate participation in the competition, please keep your campaigning light-hearted and refrain from bad-mouthing fellow departments, especially in front of paying customers. Remember: We are all one happy family here at the Central Park Zoo.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,

Molly

Head of Marketing

Central Park Zoo

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2025 4:47 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Whoever stole the ballot box from the cafeteria, please return it by the end of the day. (And remove the semi-erotic stickers that were pasted to the side. They are highly inappropriate for the workplace. And Sybill did not find them funny.)

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2025 7:46 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: grounds.maintenance@centralparkzoo.com

Good Morning All,

I have been asked by management to remind all staff that campaign shirts and badges are not considered appropriate uniform, even if they do contain a picture of a lionfish.

Also, please remove the podium that has been erected outside the snow leopard enclosure. It has not been cleared by logistics and should not be being used for any unsanctioned debates or after-hours campaign meetings.

Have a lovely day,

Molly Acherson

Head of Marketing

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2025 10:46 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: janitorial@centralparkzoo.com

Following on from my last email,

Please disregard the posters that have started appearing in the staff locker rooms. No, there is no cash prize for the winning team. And no, the losing team will not be required to take over janitorial services in the chum kitchen for the rest of the month.

Before casting your votes, ensure you are making an informed decision based on accurate information, and do not be swayed by this blatant propaganda.

Respectfully,

Molly Acherson

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2025 2:14 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: public.outreach@centralparkzoo.com

Dear All,

Yet another reminder that the petting zoo is not the place to air your inter-departmental grievances. The children did not appreciate having this afternoon's feeding session interrupted by your aggressively heated discussion on naming rights, and were not amused to watch trained animal handlers conduct an impromptu sheep racing tournament (the results of which will in no way affect the outcome of the competition).

Please keep all campaign-related discussion to staff areas only. Your bickering is starting to affect the goats.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2025 4:38 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: security@centralparkzoo.com

The stolen ballot box has been recovered, and the remaining boxes have been tied down to prevent further tampering. This vandalism reflects poorly on our team as a whole.

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2025 08:03 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: KennyRunsOps@hotmail.com

To All Staff,

It saddens me to report this morning that the Operations team have been disqualified from the competition for casting unregistered votes using photocopied slips. Before you vote, please check the legitimacy of your paper and do not be fooled by counterfeit ballots.

All on-site photocopiers have since been disabled. If you need to make copies, see Erik at the front desk.

Molly Acherson

Head of Marketing

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2025 10:03 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: schedulling@centralparkzoo.com

To All Concerned,

It has come to my attention that weekend overtime shifts are being traded for votes. This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Scheduling has put a freeze on all shift-swap requests until the competition is over, and anyone found exchanging cash for votes will be sent directly to HR.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2025 12:26 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: customercomplaints@centralparkzoo.com

Again, to all concerned,

Janitorial does not appreciate the obscene graffiti that keeps appearing in the gift shop restrooms. HR is more than happy to settle any employee conflicts respectfully and without the need for pun-related name-calling.

Also, can Sales please stop referring to themselves as “Team Found Nemo”. I have been reliably informed by Legal that Disney considers any use of their IP as copyright infringement, and we do not want to start a legal dispute with one of the largest media conglomerates in the world.

Sincerely,

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Thursday, May 15, 2025 06:33 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: security.management@centralparkzoo.com

Whoever broke into the HR department and stole confidential employee files, and then posted them in the breakroom alongside the Payroll department’s high school yearbook photos— you made Rachelle cry. I hope you’re happy.

All offices will be locked until further notice.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 11:26 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: workplaceinjuries@centralparkzoo.com

To All,

The incident that occurred this morning outside the sea lion enclosure, involving the marching band, the unsanctioned water fight, and Marcus from Talent Acquisition tripping over a papier-mâché fish and breaking his ankle, is being handled by management. Marcus is recovering well and did not appreciate the 75 piñata lionfish that were sent to his house as 'hush money'.

OSHA will be on site for the rest of the day conducting interviews. They expect your full cooperation.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 12:37 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Whoever dyed the shark tank pink, that was uncalled for and potentially dangerous to the fish. Your wages will be docked accordingly.

Molly

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 1:34 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

No. Rashid was not let go. He stepped down for personal reasons that have nothing to do with this competition. And Jacob is on parental leave. He is not sneaking unregistered votes through the Media department, and he would appreciate it if you refrain from calling him while he's trying to sleep.

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 2:55 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

The rumour that the fire department was called to police vote tampering is unsubstantiated gossip. There was a fire in the breakroom from one of the unapproved pyrotechnic displays, which you all would have noticed if you weren’t out in the parking lot conducting a “free speech rally”.

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 3:18 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

How many times do I have to say it? Stop sending muffin baskets to Payroll! Tina is a celiac. She is not the ‘swing vote’.

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 3:46 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

If one more person calls me Fish Lady, I’m throwing that lionfish in the garbage!

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From: Acherson.Molly@centralparkzoo.com

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2025 10:54 PM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

To All Staff Members,

After careful consideration, and under advisement from our Legal department, we will be cancelling the competition effective immediately and outsourcing the naming of our new fish to an unbiased third party. All campaign posters have been subsequently removed from park premises, and any employee wearing voting colours after the end of the day will be sent home.

This has been a dark and confusing week for the Central Park Zoo, and I hope that we can pull together and put all of this behind us.

Regards,

Molly Acherson

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Sent: Monday, May 19, 2025 08:05 AM

To: All Central Park Zoo Staff

Cc: Legal@centralparkzoo.com, HR@centralparkzoo.com, Media.Relations@centralparkzoo.com, OSHA@centralparkzoo.com, Crisis.Management@centralparkzoo.com,

Bcc: Julie.in.HR@centralparkzoo.com

Greetings all Zoo Employees,

It is my pleasure to congratulate the children of Wallbridge Elementary for democratically deciding on a name for our beloved new lionfish.

Welcome to the family “Fish Sticks”.

Sincerely,

Rashid Anzari

New Head of Marketing

Central Park Zoo

T: 02079 678 025 (ex 437)