Guilt

My hands gripped the steering wheel as I watched the light, waiting for it to become green.

This intersection haunted me more than I'd ever admit to someone. To make matters worse, the only person I'd tell about it is dead.

I'm the reason he's dead, and it happened at this intersection.

An abrupt honk interrupted my thoughts, as the car behind me grew impatient. The light had turned green while I was thinking.

Sighing, I drove, the car behind me silencing itself.

Through the next few minutes to my house, I tried not to cry, like every other day. I wish I could work somewhere else, anywhere else, so I wouldn't have to go through that intersection.

The tire marks were still on the road, and the grass still had tire tracks on it from the ambulance.

I pulled into the driveway, staring up at our house.

Our house?

My house.

The front door was already unlocked when I got out of the car.

I sighed. He had always been the one to lock the door. Even the simplest things hurt me to think about now.

Even if it had been my house before he moved in, he was still everywhere.

"Come on Mark!" I grinned, running through the road. "It's safe! No one is out here!"

I put my bag down on the counter and opened the fridge. Empty.

He also went grocery shopping.

In fact, he also cleaned, since he stayed at home for his job.

The house was a mess now because of it. Although it had already been two months since he left.

"Lucy, you're going to get hit!" Mark called, standing on the edge of the road, watching me.

I had always been the wild one in our relationship. I forced him to do stupid things with me. It had been so fun, until that night.

"Babe it's fine! The road is empty. No one in their right mind would be out at 4am!"

Obviously, I hadn't been in my right mind either.

My hands shook as I went to grab the TV remote.

The news was on, like always.

I watched for a few minutes, waiting for the only important thing on the news.

To me at least.

"Now, for the last couple of months, we've been reporting updates for the murder of Mark Taylor. Sadly, without any evidence and the only witness refusing to speak on the case, the police have no choice to close it."

Mark sighed, finally giving in and following me into the street.

I stared at the TV in shock, tears flooding my eyes. Blinking fast, I shut the TV off and began sobbing into the couch pillows.

"See, isn't this fun?" I giggled, the rain pouring on the both of us.

Why did I have to be so stupid? If I hadn't forced him to go into the street he would've been alive.

"I still feel like this is too dangerous."

He always had his head screwed on tight. Unlike me, he'd rather stay inside and not do crazy things for the sake of it.

Neither of us saw the car coming until it was too late.

We had been engaged at that point, but not for long. I hadn't even bought my dress yet. The discussion of having kids was a current topic though, and we had already started trying.

"Lucy watch out!" Mark yelled, shoving me against the asphalt.

His shirt was draped across the back of the couch. I grabbed it and smelled it, sobbing harder as the familiar smell engulfed my nostrils.

"Mark!" I yelled as the car sped through the intersection, hitting him and knocking him backward.

He died in the hospital the next day from his injuries.

I sat with him the whole time, crying and praying that he would survive.

But my wishing failed me, and I held his hand as he slowly and painfully died.

"Mark!" I screamed again, running into the intersection as the driver sped off.

His funeral was one of the worst things I'd ever had to attend. I sat next to his parents and brother as the preacher spoke of what a great man he was. I had been asked to give a speech, but I refused. It would've hurt me too much. So instead, I listened to his brother talk about how great of a guy he was, and his best friend say that he was like a brother to him.

It was my fault. No one else knew the details, and they'd never ask.

I was alone with the horror of watching the love of my life die because of a careless mistake.

Prying myself from the couch, I put his shirt on over my blouse and grabbed my bag. I ran to my car and started it.

This was my fault and I had to do something about it.

I couldn't live with the guilt any longer.

The car beeped at me for not putting my seatbelt on, but I ignored it and kept driving, my head swimming with thoughts.

I stopped at the intersection, pulling over to the side of the road and getting out of my car. The spot where he had been hit seemed to taunt me. I couldn't stop staring at it.

"I'm so sorry," I cried, breaking down again, hitting the asphalt with my fist. A car pulled over and a woman got out.

"Honey, are you okay?"

I shook my head, still sobbing.

"You aren't fit to drive. Do you need a ride anywhere?"

I sniffed. "I- I- need to- to- go to the p-police st-st-station."

The woman nodded, helping me up and into the car.

We drove in silence, occasionally she'd turn to check to see how I was, but she mostly kept quiet.

The sun was almost completely set now, and I knew that I was running out of time. I had to get there before it's too late.

The woman seemed to notice my urgency because she kept repeating the lines; "We're almost there" to me.

She finally pulled in and I opened the door and ran inside.

The secretary was on the phone and motioned for me to wait a second.

I stared at myself in the security camera. My makeup was smeared and my eyes were red and puffy from sobbing. She must think I'm a blubbering idiot.

"What can I do for you?"

"I'm Lucy Reyes. Mark Taylor's fiancee. I'm here to tell you the whole story."