4/25/19

I can understand why I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, but why can’t it just happen? After today can’t I have just a bit of rest? I suppose I don’t deserve it. Ah well at least I have a confidante, and I’m certain that soon things will seem a little less cringe worthy.

Because paper does not judge (to my knowledge), here are the events of today. — I was late for a hair appointment, so I couldn’t have my regular lady.

-Instead I got this fun new guy. He had a French accent and I guess that made me trust him immediately.

-I decided I wanted to try something new. Well I didn’t truly decide this, the peppy hairdresser (who I think might be new) convinced me to. I agreed because if Brian sees me with a hot new haircut...well I don‘t know what will happen but it would majorly boost my self esteem.

-But yeah we went for an adventurous new look.

-I thought I’d look like a hot rocker chick or something. Maybe like Joan Jett. But Joan Jett probably would never get herself in a mess like this, honestly.

-Obviously that’s not how it turned out, going adventurous is always a mistake. And I may have lashed out at the French guy for messing up my hair.

-I don’t regret lashing out though because my hair looks like a lawnmower attacked it.

-When I went back to work that one new guy who I will date once I get over Brian stared at my hair for a while and then called it interesting.

-Obviously this means my haircut sucks, so I cried at my desk for 15 minutes.

-Zoe also called it interesting but by then I was too drained to really care.

-Plus Zoe would probably say something like that whether it was good or not

-After that, I decided to treat myself to the new bistro down the street. I needed something to lift my spirit, after all.

-The line was too long though, and so I ended up losing patience and getting fast food. It was still good, but I wasted a lot of time altogether.

-Because of all this wasted time, going to a hair appointment, crying at my desk, leaving for lunch, work ended up keep me for a lot longer than usual .

-Cone to think of it, everyone probably noticed and they definitely heard me crying. Kill me.

-Also, to add to my all too eventful day, I forgot my sister’s birthday party. Actually come to think of it, I forgot her birthday altogether, so I didn’t even text her, which explains a lot..

-I got a text as a reminder from my mom to come to her party. I was halfway home and I hadn’t got her anything.

-I really should learn to not procrastinate on these things. If I had already had a gift...

-But there was a grocery store nearby, and so to avoid being late, I got her a shoddy gift of grocery store wine.

-Wait I just remembered she doesn’t really drink wine. Crap.

-Despite the fact I got her that to avoid being late, I arrived pretty late to her birthday party anyways.

-It was quite obvious I had forgotten. I mean I was barely dressed up at all.

-That’s what mom pointed out, anyways, when I arrived at the party with the wine (which I just remembered I didn’t even gift wrap).

-Although, come to think of it, she probably would find a way to criticize me anyways. She’s always doing that, to me and my sister. We’ve talked about it together but we should probably confront her about it...

-But anyways, this time the criticism was warranted.

-My sister was angry, but she obviously could not address the matter. No, she had to be passive aggressive about it.

-She instead negged my haircut, and she obviously knew I was insecure about it.

-She called it “a desperate cry for help”. —I know that might be an accurate description but still.

-She laughed and then blamed it on my messy breakup, which is not wrong but my haircut isn’t as bad as the one she got after Jacob and mine really just needs to grow out a little and I swear to God...

-I said that her dress can be blamed on her trying to look “good for 30”

-This is definitely true, unfortunately. She was wearing that awful slinky cocktail dress that I think she bought in college. It does nothing for her figure but no one was going to point it out.

-She smiled in that scary way she does and said that at least she can commit to someone.

-The room got very quiet.

-She was right. Everyone knew she was right.

-I threw my drink on the ground and left. I may have called her a nasty word on my way out.

-I cried the whole way home and then watched a lot of Hulu and felt better.

-I couldn’t sleep for a while though, but at least I feel like I’ve sorted this out.

I think I should probably call her later, though. In fact, I’ll call her right now. Then I’ll make a hair appointment, and try to even put this mess. I’ll get her a new gift. In fact, I can do that now....

-So to explain why I trailed off, I just called my sister. She apologized to me first! Can you believe it? I of course gave a heartfelt “no it’s totally my fault,” because it is. We cried and talked and all that, and as soon as I hung up I ordered her a nice necklace from amazon. I know that doesn’t sound super nice but she’ll like it. It‘s a really cute necklace.

-And believe it or not, I made an attempt at evening out my haircut. It’s not half bad, to be honest. Now granted, it’s not great, but it’s not terrible anymore and when it grows out I’ll look interesting and adventurous.

-You know, if I tried a headband with it, it probably would look really cute.

I think I can sleep now, but thank you for listening. I know I’m a mess, but paper doesn’t judge. Not out loud anyways.