An Apple Is An Apple

Larry and Janice at the apple farm again. Just a short drive down the highway from Cincinnati...a big farm.

Janice grabs a coat, a sweater, and insists in taking their own ladder.

Larry puts on his red flannel and is ready to go.

"Why do you want to put the ladder in for?" asks Larry.

"Why not be prepared?" responds Janice.

"Prepared for what? Do you think you're gon'na climb up in an apple tree?"

But Janice was a go-getter. So in the ladder went.

"You never know," says Janice. "You never know."

Larry heard that argument many times before, if you can call it an argument. It is one of the irritations of years living with Janice. On Janice's part, she is bored with how Larry has become so set in his ways, but she knows that it will do no good to try to change him, as she has already many times, Lord knows.

They get in the car and start driving. They have room in the back for 4 bushels or so.

Enroute, Janice raves about the trees...the crisp air renders the canopy a rainbow of color. No matter how many years she has seen this, and there have been many, the colors never fail to surprise and astound her. The Divine Painter has done his job yet again, and some of the tension between the two begins to dissolve as they enjoy the colors, and the leaves blowing back and forth across the road in front of them, and talking about autumns long ago...like the one that brought them their wedding...laughing from time to time.

"I still don't know what you're gonna do with that ladder, Janice, chances are they will already have the bushels all picked." Larry says the same thing every year, but something would be missing if he doesn't raise the point.

"Well Larry, DEAR, those aren't the best apples! The best ones are up to the top of the tree!" Janice's annual retort.

"Why should the best apples be at the top of the tree! An apple is an apple, ain't it?" says Larry.

"Of course it ain't!" says Janice. "These high school kids they send out to go and pick all that, they don't climb high up into the trees to dig out the best of 'em. They skim along the ground, grabbing all the low hanging fruit, and then after they done all that, they find excuses to leave off working there, and nobody gets to look at the ones up the tree!"

"Oh for Pete's Sake! " says Larry. "I'm all for the drive, and seeing the color, and enjoying the brisk air, but when it comes to ladder climbing, well you better be a monkey because you won't get me off the ground with my back and problems balancing."

"This is your trouble, ain't it, Larry? You're just like the students, just going after the low hanging fruit. That's why you didn't have the career you should of. That's why you never got your Doctorate."

"Aww Janice!"

For a bit the two are quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Then Larry sighs and mutters some: "Woulda, coulda, shoulda. I woulda done this, coulda done that shoulda...

"All right, all right," Janice interjects. And the silence descends again.

Soon they are at the farm, and indeed, there were bushels and bushels of all varieties of apples, already picked, and a few empty bushel baskets. Larry jumps out of the car and lets Janice out. He is still a gentleman.

"Now Larry, get the ladder."

"Janice, look, can we skip the ladder this year? Here are already beautiful apples, let's just buy a few bushels of these and go home."

"What's wrong with these ones?" Says Seth, the youth around the place, holding out a couple of beautiful, juicy Delicious apples from one of the bushel baskets for them to see.

"Yeah, honey, those look great," says Larry.

"You bet they are," replies Seth; "We have a bumper crop, and that's no joke. They are bigger than last year, and they were picked at just the right moment."

The two look at the apples, and some others from some of the other bushel baskets.

"We have great cider this year too," Seth continues, pointing at a table laden with gallon after gallon of "the sweetest apple cider in the World," as Seth describes it. Seth is a good salesman.

"Well," says Janice, I want to go and pick at least one bushel from the tops. Come on Larry, bring the ladder."

Arrangements are made with the Owners and then Larry sighs and picks up the ladder. He remembers when he was young, how he could scurry up a tree without any ladder, but those days are long over.

"Honey, you want me to get up on the darn ladder..."

"Oh come on now, you aren't that out of it you can't climb into a tree a little bit."

Larry sighs. They found a likely tree of Gala apples, and Janice has a hankering to make some apple pies, so the ladder was duly placed there, and up Larry goes. Janice stays down to steady it, and soon begins shouting out instructions as to what apples she wanted, how round, how firm, what they should look like, look for worms, and so on. Larry begins picking them and handing them down to Janice.

"What you give me that one for?" Says Janice. "That is scrawny." so he would give her a bigger one. "This is big enough, but it still green!" she says.

"well, come up here yourself!" says Larry.

"You know I can't do that. My Rheumatism is acting up! Just get the pretty ones, get the nice ones!"

Larry hands down a few more. Then suddenly, a yelp of pain and the ladder sways, and Janice can't hold it and down it comes, sending Larry sprawling on the ground.

"Larry, are you all right? Larry! Larry, honey, wake up wake up!" Larry is awful still, then he moans, and opens one eye, and then another. He is all right, and Janice says, "Thank God, I thought I lost you! You done all the climbing you're gonna do!

"Naw Janice, I'll get back up there," says Larry weakly. " I saw some purty ones back on one branch...if I coulda reached just a little more...but a squirrel bit my nose and that discombobulated me, and I lost balance. Let me back up there, Janice."

"Now you listen to me, you stubborn old man. You've done enough. You got some good uns, but no need to break your hip or somethin'. There are plenty already picked, and I am not about to risk you no more today".

"But the ones up on top are the best...you always..."

"NO. I don't want to be taking you in to old Rupert." Old Rupert is what the townsfolk called Mr. Rupert the undertaker.

"Well"

"I mean it!"

"Well, okay Janice, if you insist."

"I surely do! Now here comes that Seth, he must've seen you fall. I'll get him to carry the ladder on back to the car, and we can all go back up there and get some good uns from there."

"As you say, mother."

So they come back up and buy 4 or was it 5 bushels...and some sweet cider too. And they were back in the car driving home.

"Larry, you got knocked out pretty good back there, I wondered if you were a goner."

"Aw Ma, T'werent nothin,' "

"Nothin! You were unconscious!"

"well"

"well what? Out with it, old man."

"Janice, the fall didn't hurt me a touch. It was a soft landin'. I did get my nose bit by the squirrel when I was out on that limb and I lost my balance reaching out for those apples. But after I fell, and knew I was all right, I played 'possum."

"What!" says Janice. "Why ever for?"

"Why do you think! I wanted to teach you a lesson, not to keep sending me up into those trees! I'm too old for it! I wasn't gonna tell you I play acted, but I can't lie to you Mother. I never could, I never did, and I don't aim to start."

Janice sat there with a look of amazement on her face, then she reached out and took his hand into her lap. and smiled. "You silly old sod," she said softly.

End