Wonderfully Free

The last rays of sunlight slanted through the crack in the curtains, illuminating the living room with a soft gold and highlighting the dust particles floating in the air. 

Daniel was sitting on his couch, staring into space, the journal open in his lap and pen in his hand forgotten. His other hand gently stroked Sammy’s brown and white belly while the small dog curled up against him. 

Unlike many of his neighbors and people all over the internet, Daniel knew that today was exactly the 28th day of quarantine. He also knew that it was the 19th of April, the 4th day since he'd eaten anything healthy and the 5th day since she’d been gone - from home, from him. 

Sarah - before quarantine, his soon-to-be bride; during quarantine, his constant, loving companion at home with Sammy; and since 5 days ago, the person in the hospital who occupied his thoughts and worries non-stop all day, everyday. How was he supposed to “work from home” when all he could think about was masks and all he could hear was the beeping of a machine in time with his fiancee’s heartbeat? 

Daniel shook his head, pulling himself out of his trance before he got sucked into the whirlpool of his fears again. Journal, he told himself, it always makes you feel better. But at the time, as he tried to match pen to paper, the shaking in his hand proved impossible to overcome. So he relented, dropped the pen, shut the journal and shoved it aside. 

He reached up and rubbed both hands over his face, something people weren’t supposed to do nowadays, but that didn’t prevent Sarah from getting it, did it? Stop it, he scolded himself, and let out a groan. That woke the bundle of fur wedged comfortably in his sofa cushions. Sammy lazily tilted his head, lifting his sleepy eyes to meet Daniel’s worried ones, then scooted even closer and put his chin on the man’s lap, a small gesture but nonetheless gave Daniel much comfort, as if he wasn’t alone in this, as if they would get through this together, as if everything would be alright. He continued to stroke Sammy, this time on the dog’s head and ears, and as he looked down at the dog, a small smile came to his lips. Sammy was the bright spot in his life right now, who brought him hope and warmth and plenty of kisses. He hugged the dog close and thought, oh Sammy, what I would do without you. 

The next morning, Daniel had promised himself that he would focus on his work as an advertising manager and get some things done. It’s what Sarah would want to see you doing, he told himself. So with a determined mindset and strong inner drive, he made himself a healthy breakfast complete with eggs, toast and yogurt, then sat down in his home office and opened his laptop. 

As Daniel just got through his emails and was about to return some calls, he felt a nudge on his left leg. Sammy was holding a rope toy in his mouth and looking up at him hopefully. 

“Aw, not now, Sammy. I’m working.” said Daniel as he patted the dog’s head. 

“Woof.” came Sammy’s reply. He nudged Daniel’s leg again and crouched down in his tug-of-war position. 

“No, I’m sorry.” He said, “We’ll play after lunch, ok?” and once again turned his attention back to work. Emails, calls, meetings… he made note of all of them in his online calendar. So far so good, he thought, the satisfaction of getting things done temporarily shielding over his worries. He picked up his phone to return a call from his production director. 

“Good morning, Bill.” 

“Mornin’, Daniel.” said his boss on the other end. They dove into a discussion about film productions and market research--

Crash! 

Daniel spun around in his chair towards the source of the noise, stopping mid-sentence in his call. And of course, there he was, a little dog beside a big pile of broken glass on the floor. Sammy’s eyes were wide with feigned innocence and looked around as if to find some invisible force to blame the act on. 

“Everything ok over there?” asked Bill on the other end of the phone.

“Uh, um, yes.” stammered Daniel. “That was just my dog. Sorry about that.” 

“That’s fine.” grunted Bill, “But let’s focus.” 

“Yes, of course.” agreed Daniel. He tossed Sammy a look that said this-will-be-dealt-with-later and returned to the task at hand. 

The call ended successfully 15 minutes later and Daniel stood up to stretch before his meeting at 11:00. Sammy was curled on the carpet with a chew toy in between his paws. Daniel walked over and knelt down by him. 

“That’s not ok, Sammy.” he said in his discipline voice and pointed at the broken glass scattered across the floor. “Now, I’m gonna trust you that that was an accident, but if something like that happens again, you’re gonna get a time-out, understood?” 

Sammy sat up straight and looked at Daniel with his most serious face and Daniel could almost hear the dog say, “Yes, sir. Never gonna happen again, sir.” That thought made him chuckle and Sammy then knew he was out of the woods. The dog licked his cheek and Daniel went back to his office chair. 

The rest of the morning went pretty well. Daniel was focused and diligent while Sammy continued working on his chew toy. By 12:30, it was lunch time. 

Daniel sat down with his turkey sandwich and turned on the TV. Even though this has happened every day for the past 5 days, Daniel still felt a gut punch when the news reports came crashing in on the TV screen. 

“Death rate has continued to climb…” 

“New York streets empty…” 

“President Trump…” 

I will not get sucked into my fears, he repeated silently to himself as he quickly switched between channels and settled on a National Geographic documentary on the Amazon rainforest. Sammy was sleeping near Daniel’s feet, paws waving in the air as he chased butterflies in his dream. 

After lunch, Daniel still had some work to do so he returned to his laptop. He had just begun to draft an email when Sammy woke from the floor with renewed energy and hopped over to him, a toy already in his mouth. Remembering his promise earlier, Daniel said, “Ok, Sammy, let’s play!” And so he knelt on the ground and grabbed the other end of the rope toy in his hand. 

“3, 2, 1… pull!” he yelled.

Sammy planted his front paws in the carpet and lowered into a half crouch, turning his head back and forth and pulling with all his might. Daniel also pulled, but with reserved energy, just enough to match Sammy’s. He let out a small “erghhh” in response to Sammy’s low growl. After a bit of pulling back and forth, Daniel let go of the toy and pretended to fall to the ground. Sammy, looking victorious with the toy in his mouth, came and pounced on Daniel. They wrestled and tugged for a while on the floor, then Daniel stood up and walked to the treat jar. 

“Come on Sammy, you wanna train?” 

The dog ran over to him with his mouth open in a smile and sat down neatly in front of Daniel. 

“Good boy.” said Daniel as he reached into the jar and grabbed a sausage treat. He threw it in the air and Sammy caught it precisely in his mouth. They trained with more commands like “sit” and “shake” until Daniel’s next video meeting. 

“Sorry boy, I’ve got to go.” said Daniel apologetically. He planted a kiss on Sammy’s head and the dog looked at him with big, sad puppy eyes in return. After a moment of indecision, Daniel relented and gave Sammy one last treat before walking to his home office. He dusted dog fur off his jacket and began working once more. 

At around 5 o’clock, Daniel just finished all his meetings for the day and got a call on his phone from a number he didn’t recognize. 

“Hello?” he asked after picking up. 

“Hello. Is this Daniel Wilson?” said a female voice on the other end. 

“Yes.” he said, “Who is this?” 

“I am calling from the California Coast Hospital where your fiancee is currently at. Is that correct?” 

“Yes, it is.” Dread and fear pooled in his stomach, and he felt like he was unable to move, to breathe, to think. Sammy raised his head from the couch, sensing a change in the atmosphere. “What is it?” Was he imagining or was his voice really shaking to the point that even he could barely decipher what he had said? 

The woman on the phone responded anyways, “I am sorry to inform you, but Ms. Sarah Anderson has been moved to the ICU just minutes ago-- 

No. 

-- her condition has worsened--

No. 

-- advise you not to visit-- 

No. 

-- very sorry for --

“Sir?” the woman asked when he hadn’t responded for a good 20 seconds. 

“Um, yes, thank you for informing me.” he croaked out. 

“Of course, sir. May God help us through this time.” Then she hung up. 

Daniel collapsed to the ground. 

How? Why? No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Countless emotions and thoughts flew through his head, swarmed before his eyes but he didn’t want to feel or think any of them. How could his living room feel so extremely big but terrifyingly small at the same time?  

Intensive Care Unit. 

Intensive. Care. Unit. 

Breathe. 

He sucked in a breath. 

Again. 

He sucked in another breath. 

And again. 

So he laid there, on the floor, and focused on breathing, only breathing. Daniel had panic disorder, something he’d been fighting against for almost his entire life and finally improved since he met Sarah 3 years ago. She would tell him to breathe. To focus on something, anything, and look past the anxiety clouding all his senses. So he did. The food on his kitchen counter, the patterned carpet beneath his body, Sammy jumping off the couch and rushing towards him. 

If Sarah can’t breathe right now, I will breathe for the both of us. 

He sat up just in time and caught the ball of fur barrelling into him, clutching Sammy to his chest and tucking his furry head under his chin. 

“It’s going to be ok.” he said to the both of them. “She’s young. She’s healthy. She’s going to be ok.” But the words did little to nothing to ease the mounting fear in his chest. Sammy whimpered. 

They sat like that, cuddled together on the floor of the living room, trying to find a spot of light in a world drowning in darkness. 

The next morning, Daniel awoke in his bed, looking to his left for the person who usually quietly snored there. But she was gone. The news of last night found its way to the surface of his mind and he felt as if his insides were contracting, pulled tight by a rope of fear and worries. But he pushed it aside, there were emails to be sent and meetings to attend. He couldn’t, wouldn’t let this consume him. 

Breathe. 

Daniel got out of bed and began his day. 

He sent emails, Sammy nudged him with toys; he paced around the room while in calls, Sammy nipped at his heels. He joined video meetings, Sammy woofed hi to all his colleagues. 

After lunch, while he was in a very important call with several of his bosses, Sammy got to work. The dog was convinced something hid in the cushions of the sofa, and so began to dig into the fabric. The digging turned to growling turned into biting and tearing. When Daniel noticed this, he was about to give his big presentation to his bosses, but instead he said, “Would you just excuse me for one moment? I’ll be right back.” He turned off the camera and rushed towards Sammy, or so he thought he turned off the camera… 

Unfortunately, his bosses got a good view of Daniel chasing Sammy around the living room, cotton filling from the cushions flying everywhere; him shouting, the dog barking, flying furs and flailing arms… 

When Daniel finally came back in front of the screen, he realized what had happened. And after many apologetic pleas, he managed to secure his job back. 

The day had slightly more activity than what Daniel was used to since quarantine, what with all the chasing-Sammy-around-the-apartment workout and all, making him already exhausted just after dinner as he sat down on what remained of his couch and turned on the TV. But even with the craziness, the fear was always present, dark and looming in the back of his mind. He was in no mood to watch TV so he turned it off and prepared to go to bed. 

Before he went to sleep, he considered scolding Sammy one last time for what he did today, but as he gazed at the little dog curled at the foot of his bed, he wasn’t angry, or frustrated, only… thankful, grateful, that he had such a bright companion in times so dark. 

In the silence, his phone rang. As he lifted it up to see the number on the screen, he recognized it immediately this time. 

The hospital. 

Take a deep breath, he told himself. He answered the phone. 

“Hello again, Daniel.” said the same woman. Already he could feel his heart beating faster, and faster….

“Hello.” said Daniel after gathering his voice scattered by fear. “Do you have news for me?” He sent a prayer to whoever was listening that Sarah wouldn’t contribute to the growing death rate on the news. 

“Yes, Mr. Wilson. As of a few moments ago, Ms. Anderson has been removed from the ICU and does not require intensive care anymore. She is recovering and will be discharged after a few days.” 

Relief washed over him like clean, fresh water after weeks in the desert. He drank it up greedily and let out a long breath. It drained his worries and he felt as if he could melt into a puddle of joy. 

“Thank you, thank you so much!” he exclaimed after gathering his voice again, but this time of a very different reason. His lips lifted into a wide grin as the nurse said she will give him more information on Sarah’s discharge via email. 

The moment she hung up, Daniel jumped onto his bed and gathered Sammy in his arms, yelling, “She’s ok! She’s gonna come home!” Oh, all his negative emotions for the past week have left him in a dizzying rush and he felt… free, wonderfully free. 

“Oh…” He just couldn’t seem to stop smiling, “I love you, Sammy. So much. And thank you for being here with me, thank you for your hugs and kisses and little pranks.” Sammy was jumping on the bed too as Daniel’s happiness was contagious. He licked his owner’s cheeks and cuddled in his lap. He was a smart dog, and he knew the only thing that would make Daniel this happy was that Sarah was coming home. 

“Alright boy. Tomorrow morning, you and I, we’re gonna clean this apartment till it shines and plan a celebration for her, got it?” Sammy nodded, though he wasn’t very good at cleaning at all, quite the opposite actually, but the nod was convincing enough for Daniel. They cuddled for a while as the excitement died down but the bright, sparkling feeling of joy remained. Together, they fell asleep on his bed, and for the first time in so long, radiant hope pierced through the darkness and basked them in a warm, golden light.